The Widows’ Club

It was April who filled the pause. ‘I still haven’t worked out what to wear to these things.’ She pulled self-consciously at the hem of her man-sized Game of Thrones T-shirt, a memento from her marriage if Faith wasn’t mistaken. ‘I feel completely underdressed next to you two.’

‘Oh, don’t let this fool you,’ Nick said, loosening his tie. ‘I had to come straight from work.’

‘And what is it you do if you’re no longer in finance?’ asked Faith.

‘I run a fleet of limousines. Basically, I’m a glorified chauffeur.’

‘So you’re a businessman,’ Faith corrected. She didn’t agree with people underselling themselves.

‘Trying to be,’ he replied. ‘And what do you do, Faith?’

‘I’m a biomedical scientist: I examine human tissue and pick out the cancer cells from the normal ones.’ It was a skill she wished she could apply as easily to a person’s character. She was still trying to work out Nick, who wasn’t anything like she had imagined when Tara had described him. He didn’t look the type to cry, but she would like to see it.

‘And are you from the other side of the water too?’ he asked.

‘No, Woolton.’

‘We’re practically neighbours then. I’m from Hunt’s Cross.’

They compared notes on favourite eateries until Faith spied Justine carrying two flasks of hot water over to the tables. ‘About time too. Come on, let’s get our drinks.’

The three were temporarily separated as more people arrived and wanted to chat. While Jodie and Nadiya made a fuss of April, Faith kept an eye on the door, but as seven o’clock approached, Tara failed to make an appearance. Nick had been pulled into a conversation with Steve and some of the other men, but he returned to April and Faith when Justine began directing them to their seats like a traffic cop.

Faith ignored Justine’s instructions and laid claim to three chairs of her choice. She sat down on the first, but April and Nick became flustered when they both went to take the seat next to her.

‘Sorry, you take it,’ said Nick, the now familiar dimples appearing in his cheeks. ‘I don’t know why I’m so nervous.’

‘Me neither,’ April said.

In a show of chivalry, Nick took a step back and sat down on the third chair, leaving the gap next to Faith for April to fill, but before she could take it, she was distracted by the arrival of Tara and Iain. She turned to wave and by the time she turned back, Justine had claimed the much fought-after middle seat.

‘Shall we get started?’ Justine said loudly, seemingly unaware of April’s displacement.

‘Here, take my place,’ Nick said.

Before he could stand, Justine placed a hand on his arm. ‘It’s probably best that you stay close to me for the first few sessions. April, you can sit over there next to Tara.’

‘Apologies for being late, everyone,’ Tara said once they were all settled. She was out of breath but didn’t pause as she went on to open the meeting.

‘It’s good to see you back, Iain,’ Justine said the moment they had dispensed with the introductions and updates. ‘How are things?’

‘Challenging.’

‘Not because of me I should add,’ Tara added, causing a ripple of laughter around the room.

‘Definitely not you,’ he replied, taking Tara’s hand and giving it a squeeze. ‘The good news is our solicitor doesn’t see any reason why we can’t complete the house move before Christmas.’

‘Not that everyone will find that cause for celebration,’ Tara warned.

‘My in-laws aren’t particularly happy with our plans. They think it’s too soon,’ Iain said. For Nick and April’s benefit, he added, ‘It’s been three years since Joanna died and I’ll admit, it still hurts like hell. I didn’t plan to fall in love again, but I have and I’m ready to do this. Unfortunately my in-laws live in Newcastle so they don’t see the difference Tara has made to our lives.’

‘Has Lily come around to the idea yet?’ asked Faith.

‘She’s quietly accepting – more quiet than accepting if I’m honest,’ Iain said. ‘I just hope her grandparents don’t reverse what little progress we’ve made when she visits them over half-term.’

‘It’s funny how everyone has an opinion on how we should grieve,’ Jodie said. ‘First they’re telling you to get out more, and the next thing they want you to slow down.’

Faith guessed Jodie had a story to tell. One comment could send the group off on a tangent, but Tara was there to make sure they kept their focus on one issue at a time. She was good at that. Better than Justine.

‘Iain’s going to have a word with them beforehand to make sure they don’t give Lily mixed messages,’ Tara said. ‘With so much upheaval, what she needs from all of us is consistency. We’re hoping they’ll come around.’

‘I hate to say it but they’ll have to if they want to be a part of their granddaughter’s life,’ said Iain. ‘I know they’re grieving too, but Lily’s welfare has to come first.’

There were mumbles of agreement and a couple of members went on to share their experiences of juggling relationships with their late partners’ families, but once the subject had reached its natural conclusion, Tara turned to April and Nick.

‘And how have you both been since the last meeting?’

Of the two, Faith expected Nick to speak up, but he simply nodded for April to go first. To Faith’s surprise, his encouragement worked.

‘I’ve been better,’ April replied. ‘I’m still trying to work out how I feel and how I want to feel, if that makes sense?’

‘That’s the one thing you learn fast here,’ Nadiya said. ‘What you’re going through might sound confusing, alarming or downright weird to other people, but to us it’s normal. You’re not alone.’

‘I’m starting to realise that,’ April said. She glanced across to Faith when she added, ‘It’s a relief to know I don’t have to keep all my thoughts locked away, although I’m not quite ready to tell everyone everything.’

‘You can be selective,’ Faith said. ‘We all are.’

April pulled at her T-shirt. ‘It’s like when people ask if I’ve watched the final season of Game of Thrones yet and I feel stupid explaining why I can’t. Jason and I always watched it together, and I’m so angry that he died before the finale aired. I can’t watch it without him.’

The chair next to Faith squeaked as Justine straightened up. ‘Anger is perfectly natural, April,’ she said. ‘It’s one of the five stages of grief that we all process over time.’

‘Oh, please, not this,’ Faith muttered.

‘Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally, acceptance,’ Justine recited.

‘Not that everyone experiences grief in such nice, neat stages,’ Tara said diplomatically. Like Faith, she questioned the efficacy of applying that particular grief model like a Band-Aid.

‘Of course not,’ Justine said. ‘Some people don’t experience every stage, or not necessarily in that order, and it’s perfectly normal to go back and forth between the stages.’

‘Or to put it another way,’ Faith said, ‘you’ll experience a lot of different emotions to greater or lesser degrees and at random times. Some days you might go through all five stages at once, or is it seven now, I lose track?’

‘The stages are helpful to some people,’ Justine insisted.

‘I’m sure they are,’ Faith said through gritted teeth, ‘but for others it can be downright distressing, especially when someone with all the best intentions tells them that they should be at this particular stage or another. We are where we are. There’s no road map.’

‘Some of us seem to have become stuck on the anger stage,’ Justine said, jutting out her chin.

‘I have a lot to be angry about, Justine. Derek didn’t need to die.’