Where I Found You

‘You fell in love,’ Maggie said simply.

‘A man in a uniform, how could I resist? When I found out he was being posted to Germany, it felt like someone had ripped out my heart. But we made the most of those last few weeks together – and that’s how I ended up like this. If I’d known then what kind of trouble I was in, I wouldn’t have been so eager to break things off when he left. I thought I was being all grown up about it. I didn’t want to wait around for the rest of my life while he would eventually go back to America and forget about me.’

As Elsa spoke, she continued to stroke Harvey. He had stayed close and whined once or twice, offering his own note of sympathy as Elsa revealed her heartbreak.

‘So why don’t you contact him now and let him know?’

‘Because I wanted him to come back for me and not because he found out I was pregnant. And in my heart that’s what I thought he would do, even on that last night together when we said our goodbyes.’ Elsa took a breath and held it. She could feel the tears stinging her eyes but she refused to let them fall. She kept her gaze on the lake. ‘I’m a silly, romantic fool.’

‘There’s nothing wrong with a bit of romance.’

‘Oh, but there is! This is my punishment. I should have listened to my mum. I don’t deserve Freddie and I certainly don’t deserve to keep this baby.’

‘I may not know you very well, Elsa, but I don’t believe you deserve to have your baby taken from you, not if it’s something you don’t want to happen and I get the feeling you don’t.’

‘Some days I just want to jump in that bloody lake and let it swallow me up and then no one will ever take my baby from me. But what kind of mother would even think such a thing?’

‘A desperate one,’ Maggie said, her voice choked with emotion.

The young woman sitting on the bench next to Maggie had fallen deathly silent, in fact Maggie wasn’t even sure she was still there. Perhaps she had vanished into the ether, leaving as silently as she had arrived. Maggie’s blood ran cold at the thought and she strained her ears for the slightest sound that would reassure her of the woman’s earthly presence but she could hear nothing above the hammering of her own heart.

Maggie depended on her instincts and they were telling her something was wrong. Elsa’s appearance had been accompanied by so many conflicting messages. There was something about her voice that didn’t quite ring true and the dated perfume belonged to a different era, as did some of the things she had said. And yet despite all of this Maggie felt an immediate connection to Elsa, perhaps because they were both terrified of becoming mothers, albeit for very different reasons. Nothing added up and yet everything made sense because Elsa needed a friend and Maggie needed to help someone. More than anything, Maggie wanted to prove she wasn’t as hopeless as she would have herself believe.

‘I don’t want to let her go. I can’t.’

The voice came from nowhere and gave Maggie a start. ‘Elsa? Are you OK?’

‘I don’t think I’ll be able to live with the pain of losing my baby,’ she replied, her voice wet with tears. ‘I won’t survive it.’

As Elsa shifted uneasily, Maggie placed her palm flat against the wooden slats of the bench and was grateful for the gentle vibration that confirmed Elsa’s presence had substance. But then Maggie felt that sense of connection again, a connection that travelled through the painted layers of the bench, peeling back time itself … Realising how irrational she was being, Maggie put these thoughts to one side and let her heart reach out to Elsa. ‘Then fight for your baby. Swallow your pride and tell Freddie. At least then you’ll know that you’ve done all you can. Can you still contact him? Could you phone or send him an email?’

‘A what?’

‘Could you write to him?’ she asked, refusing to acknowledge why Elsa might not know what an email was.

‘I could ask someone at Burtonwood to pass on a letter for me, I suppose,’ Elsa said. There was a spark of hope in her voice now, although she was quick to dampen it. ‘But even if he did turn up, I don’t think I’d fit on his bike any more. And I can’t help thinking he’s vanished out of my life just like the swans have disappeared from the lake.’

Maggie turned her head towards the lake as if to scan the waters she couldn’t see. ‘What swans? I don’t think there have ever been swans in Victoria Park.’

‘But I’ve seen them,’ Elsa insisted, and the spell that had been cast over the two expectant mothers began to splinter. ‘I’d better go,’ Elsa added sharply. ‘I’m going to be late for work.’

‘Don’t rush off. Please, Elsa, let me help you,’ Maggie said, reaching towards her but she wasn’t quick enough and her hand passed through thin air. Elsa was up and away, leaving only a lingering scent of lilacs and a little of her soul which the bench was intent on keeping for itself.

4 (#ulink_1347c74f-f5b8-54d1-bd08-e378d69a7656)

Experience had taught Maggie not to let anyone help when she was in charge of preparing a meal. Cooking wasn’t an impossible task; far from it, it was something she enjoyed doing, but there were challenges and it required her full concentration. All she had to do was keep track of what she had put where and as long as well-meaning helpers didn’t come in and move things around, she could turn out a pretty mean curry. Maggie especially loved working with spices that would release delicious aromas when crushed, ground, toasted or simply left to simmer in the pot.

Tonight, Maggie was more than happy to enforce her rules, which afforded her a little respite from more onerous duties. Judith and Ken had arrived and James had been left to play host to his parents with only Harvey as reinforcement. Jenny was predictably late but at least she had phoned to say she would be on her way very soon. Maggie had warned her that if she didn’t hurry up then she’d be around personally to drag her out of the house. Jenny lived in a large 1930s semi-detached house, similar in size and style to Maggie’s and only two streets away, so she knew the threat wasn’t an idle one.

Stirring the lamb curry, a cloud of steam billowed upwards and Maggie breathed in the spiced air. The mix was the perfect balance of earth and fire and it made her mouth water. She used a wooden spoon to scrape across the bottom of the pan and judged that the curry needed a little longer for the sauce to thicken and the vegetables to soften. A quick taste confirmed that she had the balance of flavours and seasoning just right. Everything else was ready and there was nothing left to keep her from her guests – the quick hello on their arrival wasn’t good enough and she knew it.

Maggie opened the kitchen door and stepped out of her haven. The hallway was long and wide with a solid timber floor and ceilings that reached the full height of the house above the staircase. She could hear the distant thud of heavy raindrops hitting the skylight above.

Her pensive footsteps made only the barest whisper but as she slipped past the living room door on her right, a floorboard creaked. Maggie stopped immediately and explored the floor tentatively with her socked foot. This part of the house had seen the most change since moving in and the flooring had only been laid six months ago so the boards were still settling into place. She stepped gingerly to the left until her outstretched hand brushed against another door on the opposite side which was nestled beneath the stairs and had once led to a large garage that was now divided into two separate workspaces. This door gave access to her office while the remaining space, accessible from the front of the house, was James’s workshop.

Maggie’s nerves were getting the better of her and she tried to regulate her breathing as she approached the dining room door. Her leg hit something and it clattered to the floor. Cursing herself, she scrambled around to find what had fallen over. At the same time, a series of measured creaks marked the approach of someone on the other side of the door. When it opened, she detected the scent of her husband’s aftershave.

‘I knocked an umbrella over, that’s all,’ she whispered.

‘Time for a stiff drink?’

‘If only I could,’ Maggie mumbled as she entered the room.

The dining room had been recently redecorated and as Maggie walked in she was thankful for the sense of security it gave her. This was her territory. The newly plastered walls had been painted a soft shade of green that was almost blue, complementing a feature wall which had been papered in a raised art deco pattern of silvers and greys, and the soft furnishing and accessories picked up the reflective tones of the wallpaper. Before the cloud of curry spices had a chance to overwhelm the room, Maggie could detect the scent of the rosemary- and peppermint-scented oils she had left warming to welcome her guests.

‘Ready for some help yet?’ Judith asked.

‘No, everything’s under control,’ replied Maggie, her false cheerfulness a perfect match for that of her mother-in-law.

‘Here you go, love, you’ve earned this,’ Ken said.

Maggie could hear the glug of a wine glass being filled. The bouquet of dark plum mixed with notes of oak cut through the already heavily scented air. Whether it was nerves or delayed signs of morning sickness, her stomach flipped as she took a seat at the dining table.

‘Not for me, thanks, Ken. I’ll keep to sparkling water for now.’ The pause she left was the perfect opening for the announcement but the only sound from James was the clink of glass as he poured her water. She had no choice but to continue and said, ‘I need to keep a clear head while I’m in charge of dinner.’

‘Mum was saying how Liam’s been pestering Carolyn for a dog.’

‘I wonder where that idea came from,’ Maggie said, patting her hand against her thigh and within seconds Harvey was by her side, nuzzling her hand with his wet nose as he deciphered the scent of the meal she had been preparing. A soft sneeze confirmed that he wasn’t impressed with her choice of menu.

‘So is she going to give in do you think?’ James asked his mum.

‘I hope so. A dog would be good company for her. She gets so lonely with Tony working away so much. I’m a bit worried about her if I’m being honest.’

‘They were debating different breeds when we left,’ Ken said when everyone else fell silent. Neither James nor Maggie was prepared to launch into a debate about the state of Carolyn’s marriage. ‘It was a good job we came home when we did. Given half a chance, your mum would have marched them all off to the nearest kennels to put down a deposit on the first puppy they saw.’

‘I hope they don’t get a Labrador,’ James said. ‘The boys might be less inclined to come up here otherwise.’

‘You know there’s more for them here than just Harvey,’ Maggie said, picking up immediately on the insecurity in James’s voice that he was trying hard to disguise. ‘They might love him to bits but they love you more.’

‘And let’s not forget their wicked stepmother,’ James reminded her.

Maggie’s gentle laughter helped her relax a little. Her first taste of motherhood had felt daunting at the time but in hindsight it had been nothing compared to the prospect of caring for a newborn. There had been a gradual introduction into the boys’ lives and, with her mum by her side, Maggie had embraced her new role and the challenges that came with it. ‘The one who can see through walls, you mean?’

Liam and Sam had learnt very quickly that they couldn’t get away with quite as much as they had first expected with Maggie. Her hearing could see around corners and through closed doors and occasionally she had even been able to detect the sound of wet tongues being poked at her. But that had been in the early days. Their reluctance to accept a rival for their father’s affections had been overpowered by Maggie’s winning charm, one that had four legs and a wagging tail.

‘How’s Kathy doing?’ Judith asked her, clearly not willing to dwell on her daughter-in-law’s virtues. ‘Still working at the salon until all hours? It’s high time that woman slowed down.’

‘She never will and I can’t imagine the place without her,’ Maggie said of the person who had been pivotal in getting her business up and running eight years ago. Aromatherapy had been little more than a hobby before then, and the offer to rent out an old storeroom in Kathy’s salon had been too good to turn down.