Where I Found You

‘Do you want me to take a look?’ James asked.

‘Oh, we’ll manage. I might even have a go at mending it myself.’ The refusal was half-hearted and when James insisted on coming over to fix it, Judith had her way, as she knew she would.

Chairs scraped against the floor as James and Ken made their excuses and scurried off to the kitchen, followed soon after by Harvey who didn’t need an invitation to go into his favourite room in the house.

‘So,’ Jenny announced, ‘let’s talk babies.’

Jenny had realised within moments of her arrival that the announcement had been made and the news received as badly as Maggie had feared. But that hadn’t stopped her best friend from bringing babies into the conversation at every possible opportunity. There was a distinct possibility that Jenny wouldn’t let Judith leave the house until she was gushing with enthusiasm.

‘Lily is such a pretty thing,’ Judith said, referring to the myriad of photos of Jenny’s six-month-old daughter that had been thrust under her nose throughout the evening.

‘I’ll try to remember that when she’s bawling at three o’clock in the morning.’

‘I don’t think anyone appreciates how much a baby can turn your life upside down until you have one. But you’re lucky you can leave her with Mark. Ken never was one for babysitting.’

‘Babysitting?’ Jenny demanded. ‘He’s her dad and we’re equal partners. He might need reminding of that now and again but that’s the deal. Wouldn’t you say so, Maggie?’

‘We’ll see.’

‘I’m so excited that Maggie and I are going to be mums together, Judith. It wasn’t that long ago when I thought it would never happen and I think Maggie probably thought the same. I couldn’t get pregnant and she thought she’d never find Mr Right but now look at us!’

‘Yes, James was a very good catch,’ Judith said.

Jenny kept her tone light as she responded to the cutting remark that sliced through the air. ‘And Maggie’s a bit of a catch too. Just look at those high cheekbones and that gorgeous body,’ she said, turning to her friend whose high cheekbones were starting to glow with embarrassment. ‘I’d give anything for a figure like yours, even now you’re three months gone. You don’t look pregnant at all.’

‘I certainly never would have guessed,’ Judith added, her reply measured and meaningful.

Jenny wouldn’t be put off. ‘I’m hoping she has a girl so she inherits Maggie’s looks. What about you, Judith? Wouldn’t it be nice to have a granddaughter for a change?’

‘I don’t know. I hadn’t thought about it.’

‘I expect it’s still a bit of a shock,’ Jenny said, a sting of accusation in her observation.

Judith sighed as if the weight of the world had been placed on her shoulders. ‘I still don’t know what they were thinking, Jenny.’

Maggie’s jaw clenched as she reeled in her emotions. There was frustrated disbelief that her mother-in-law was talking as if she wasn’t even in the room; there was anger that Judith wasn’t willing to give her a chance to prove herself as a parent; and then there was the ever-present fear for a future Maggie felt she no longer had control over.

‘Maybe they were thinking it would be nice to start a family?’

For a moment, all that Maggie could hear was the hammering of her heart then, without warning, music started blaring from beneath the table. Jenny muttered under her breath as she dug out her mobile from her bag. ‘It’ll be Mark. I can’t have one night off without some emergency or other. Sorry, Maggie, I’d better take this.’

Jenny slipped out into the hall and left the two women alone. Judith’s chair creaked softly as she was forced to turn and acknowledge her daughter-in-law’s presence again. ‘Have you seriously thought this through, Maggie?’ she asked. ‘How are you going to manage? We could help but we’re not getting any younger.’

Maggie would have been amused at the forced frailty in Judith’s voice if she hadn’t been quietly fuming. ‘I agree. I don’t know what James was thinking by asking you. I do want to go back to work but I can use the same nursery as Jenny. You really don’t have to worry on that count.’

‘But I do worry. How will you be able to afford it, especially if James is forced to cut back his hours too? It’s bound to affect his ability to provide for his family – and by that I mean the boys. I know it sounds harsh but I don’t see how this is going to work. I just don’t see it.’

‘And I thought I was the blind one,’ Maggie said. ‘My mum brought me up to believe that there’s nothing I can’t do if I put my mind to it. OK, so maybe I can’t drive a car and never will but I can still get myself from A to B.’

‘I agree. There are things you do that genuinely amaze me. The meal you made, the way you explained how you helped James decorate this room—’ Judith began.

‘Then give me a chance. These aren’t tricks I’m performing; this is the way I live my life.’

High heels tapped across wood as Jenny made her return. ‘Lily’s teething and Mark can’t settle her. Not surprising really given that he’s not home enough these days for her to recognise him. I’m so, so sorry, Maggie, but I have to go. I’ll say goodbye to the boys and send them back in to you,’ she said.

There were anxious hugs and a promise from Maggie to make up some teething gel once she was back in the salon on Monday and then Jenny was gone.

Judith sighed and, hearing James and Ken coming back down the hallway, couldn’t resist one parting shot. ‘If Jenny finds it hard going, how will you cope?’

It was the first statement from her mother-in-law that Maggie couldn’t argue against and in a desperate attempt to hold on to her crumbling confidence, she tried to recall the steady rhythm of her baby’s heartbeat. But it was the sound of waves slapping against the edge of the lake that filled her mind and she felt herself drowning in self-doubt.

5 (#ulink_ad22bbe9-5371-5bd3-8938-9e5c7e1be7cd)

On Monday morning, between her steady stream of clients, Maggie caught up with other chores. Occasionally she picked up the telephone but didn’t dial. She wanted to phone her dad and at least capture some of the joy being denied her, but now was not the time to tell him she was pregnant. Stan had struggled through the first year without his wife but by all accounts he was slowly adapting to his new way of life in Spain. If Maggie was ever going to convince him that she could manage without him then she would have to at least sound stronger than she felt right now.

Maggie inhaled the scent of clove bud as she prepared a gentle ointment to ease Lily’s teething pain. The essential oil’s stimulating properties weren’t enough to give her the courage she needed to step out of her treatment room but she left anyway.

‘You’ve had a busy morning,’ Kathy remarked. ‘I was starting to think you were avoiding me.’

Kathy had a perceptive eye that was an equal match for Maggie’s ability to read a person’s face by the tone of their voice. They each had their own ways of recognising a lie when they heard it so Maggie didn’t try. ‘I know she’s your friend, Kath, but—’

‘It’s all right, I know. I’ve spoken to Judith and she’s worked herself up into a right state. And I’m afraid I haven’t helped.’ Kathy sighed. ‘I let slip that I’d known for a while about the baby.’

‘Surely she can’t be surprised that I didn’t want to tell her? Her reaction was always going to be awful.’

‘And was it?’

This was exactly the line of questioning Maggie had wanted to avoid. So far she’d kept Judith’s most cutting remarks to herself, not wanting to put James in an awkward position, and it was the same with Kathy. ‘Why are you two such good friends again?’ she asked now.

‘Having an old grouch around makes me feel younger.’

Maggie returned the smile she had heard in Kathy’s voice. ‘And I always thought it was owning a beauty parlour that guaranteed you eternal youth,’ she said, although Kathy had a point. The two might be the same age but that was where the similarities ended. Whereas Judith was already changing down a gear, Kathy had no intention of growing old gracefully. Her hair was cut in a modern style, short and spiky to accentuate her fine bone structure and she described the colour as platinum blonde although it felt coarse enough to be completely grey without the helping hand of peroxide. As a regular to Maggie’s massage table, Maggie knew that Kathy hadn’t completely avoided the signs of aging, but although there were the odd wrinkles here and there, her skin was smooth and retained enough elasticity to keep her looks as youthful as her outlook.

‘Please don’t go losing sleep over Judith. She’s only panicking because she wants what’s best for James. And you,’ Kathy added but not quickly enough.

Maggie shrugged. ‘You were right first time. Sorry, Kath, but I have to go. I promised to meet Jenny at the bank,’ she said and made her escape before her resolve to keep quiet weakened even further.

Slipping on her sunglasses to block out the muted sunshine trickling across her vision, Maggie and Harvey headed in the direction of the bank, but no sooner had they set off than they came to a sudden halt.

‘Hi, I’m here,’ Jenny announced. She sounded out of breath as if she had been running. ‘The nursery phoned and they’re desperate for this miracle cure you promised me.’

‘How is Lily?’ Maggie asked as she handed it over. They turned together and continued along the route to the nursery, which was the same direction as the park where Maggie was heading next.

‘Red-faced and grumpy.’

‘And you?’

‘The same,’ Jenny quipped.