The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo

The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
Amy Schumer

The highly anticipated first book from award-winning comedian, writer, producer and actress, Amy Schumer.In The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo, Amy shares stories about her family, her relationships, her career, good – and bad – sex, recounting the experiences that have shaped who she is today: from the riches to rags story of her childhood to her teenage quest for popularity (and boys) to becoming one of the most sought-after comedians on the planet and an outspoken advocate for women’s rights.Whether she’s experiencing lust at first sight in the queue at the airport, discovering her boot camp instructor’s secret bad habit, or candidly discussing her father’s multiple sclerosis, Amy Schumer proves to be a fearless, original, and always entertaining storyteller. Her book will move you, make you laugh, catch you completely off guard, and answer this burning question: is it okay for a 35 year-old woman to still sleep with her childhood teddy bears?

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Copyright (#u5544b86b-e12e-5aa0-b263-46516b70d753)

NOTE TO READERS: Certain names and characteristics have been changed throughout the work, regardless of whether such changes are specifically identified.

HarperCollinsPublishers

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First published in the US by Gallery Books, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc. 2016

First published in the UK by HarperCollinsPublishers 2016

FIRST EDITION

© Amy Schumer 2016

Cover layout design © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2016

Front cover photograph © Mark Seliger

A catalogue record of this book is

available from the British Library

Amy Schumer asserts the moral right to be

identified as the author of this work

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

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Sources ISBN: 9780008172374

Ebook Edition © August 2016 ISBN: 9780008172404

Version: 2017-11-10

Dedication (#u5544b86b-e12e-5aa0-b263-46516b70d753)

For Kimby and Jasy

Contents

Cover (#u13a1ccdf-8f17-5772-b67e-8824e195ecf9)

Title Page (#u4a4b1c0e-5c74-550c-bc99-b514f6844db9)

Copyright (#u6b6d225f-60b1-5775-994e-065c4f460755)

Dedication (#u7bb15f94-ba87-5438-b157-7ebf487547b7)

A Note to My Readers (#ubcecbca2-cd8f-5a1b-abe6-45b2d94ed5ca)

An Open Letter to My Vagina (#u255b3926-e5e2-5c24-bae1-07fa6442e73b)

My Only One-Night Stand (#u4d6f8eec-0dba-578e-924d-0938d2e5a597)

I Am an Introvert (#u8eca0ed4-a9d8-507a-8936-48c95d737f6d)

On Being New Money (#ua2e65281-b600-53fa-b684-ca83d6e899cd)

An Introduction to My Stuffed Animals (#uc1b0b0ef-f9c2-5f59-861c-79e5143e6dde)

Dad (#uaf57a570-47da-5a8e-b9b3-cff8ae9153a4)

Excerpt from My Journal in 1994 (Age Thirteen) with Footnotes from 2016 (#u49c7d212-574b-5ad3-8e97-d4739aafa499)

Officially a Woman (#u4d7672c7-34b3-5252-9bc7-05ae2ab366d7)

Camp Anchor (#u428e4fda-31b9-5c1a-88eb-9ba86bdcc8a0)

How I Lost My Virginity (#litres_trial_promo)

Things You Don’t Know About Me (#litres_trial_promo)

Can’t Knock the Hustle (#litres_trial_promo)

Excerpt from My Journal in 1999 (Age Eighteen) with Footnotes from 2016 (#litres_trial_promo)

Faked It ’Til I Maked It (#litres_trial_promo)

Excerpt from My Journal in 2001 (Age Twenty) with Footnotes from 2016 (#litres_trial_promo)

Beautiful and Strong (#litres_trial_promo)

Excerpt from My Journal in 2003 (Age Twenty-Two) with Footnotes from 2016 (#litres_trial_promo)