Things in The Body

There are also natural correlates of good states that occur at the end of the work. They are usually characterized by a feeling of lightness, loss of body boundaries, merging with space: water, air, etc. BEST, which we have already mentioned, also encourages the identification of these «missing links’ in imaginative perception, both internal and external {«boundary’). («What are you lying on?» – «On the sand.»).

«Who are you?» and «Where are you?» are proven work approaches. But they are not presented in this book. They are additional to the question" What do you feel?». Further we will discuss the approach which I consider to be more effective and shorter. As I will not have the opportunity to illustrate the" Who are you?» and «Where are you?» approaches, I will give one of the examples of this kind of work, not only with diagnostic, but also therapeutic parts.

Escaped from captivity

Patient L. M., born in 1953, hesitates for a long time before starting to tell. “You do not understand… people have this kind of attitude! I fall asleep every time with one wish – not to wake up again.”

She feels as if lying on her stomach with a granite seven-story building crushing her. Her body is flattened, arms and legs do not even move, but her head is able to rotate. What is underneath her? Also, the stone. Her head is in abyss and at the bottom there is a river. The cliff is 30 meters deep. She is in constant stiffness. No medicine can help her.

«When you are clamped down, what do you feel?»

«Complete despair. I have been in this state for several years.»

She recalls the circumstances when she was «crushed by a granite rock’: «I worked at school and always wanted to do my best. (I had studied in a boarding school, and our director who loved and respected very much, used to say: whoever you are – a cleaner, or a minister – you must do your best. I forgot many of her words, but I remember those ones.) With no experience I had to be a class teacher. The result was good. A lot of responsibility. At the same time, I was studying in the university, my daughters were small… and suddenly – a conflict situation. The school has been allocated one place at a seaside resort. My daughter was in the school council. I knew how much she was doing there… Then the question arose, who would go there. They chose the director’s daughter. I started to argue. But the director said to me, «Resign, or we will crush you.» I started to work in a college. I thought it was a promotion. New environment, new job. I was always self-confident. But after some time, I faced the fact that… I must go to a lecture, but I do not remember anything. I was stressed.

After a month I resigned again. Doctors, pills. Even eating was hard. I did not talk. Just slept. My husband was surprisingly tactful. I started talking and smiling. Only a year later I felt better. Since then, as soon as there is a stressful situation, I change my job. I have changed ten places already. I don’t work anywhere for more than six months.»

Back to the actual. It is impossible to stay in the rock any longer, it threatens death. The patient thinks what to do, so do I. Maybe she should call for help.

«Did you try to call for help?»

«What is the use to shout if I know that here people can’t get here?»

«Perhaps, someone will be able,» we continue conversation searching for more real way out.

«My head is over an abyss, the river is roaring, and I hear what’s behind me,» says L. M.

«Should we go in the opposite direction?»

«It’s impossible.»

«Maybe just to relax and to take the weight.» I suggest her (meaning to die and to be reborn, to experience her own death to live).

«This is unacceptable for me.»

It turns out that to get out it is necessary to turn into someone or something, as in a fairy tale. We come to a joint conclusion.

«A stream? A bird? A snake?»

«A stream, going to a mountain river,» decides L. M., but immediately she gets scared. «I can fail to reach the river… But in any case, I start to flow.» She exhales.

«Are you out in an open place?»

«Yes, but my soul remained there. My desire is to take a knife and scrape it off. It is a balloon of some kind… not scraped off. The place, where my body was, is a cave now. My soul is in it, witnessing from above. I cannot see myself. Ball that you have to push, to pull away from those walls. Transparent. It’s like a river of fire down there. I did not notice it before… Maybe my soul is afraid? There is no blue coolness, but fiery tongues of flame, like lava.»

«Maybe you can go right or left, if you change your volume?» I suggest.

«Like whom? An ant!» L. M. exclaims and continues her description. «I get out of this cave (It is a huge space for an ant!) and go right. I see cracks in the ground, on the rocks… A long road. I don’t see any sky, nothing else,» the patient is perplexed.

«You’re an ant,» I guess. «So, you can’t see beyond the surface of the stones and the soil!»

«I’ve overcome a small stone,» reports L. M. and exhales. «But it is felt as a huge mountain!»

L. M. does not understand where to go next.

«Back?»

«No. There is a river below. To the right! Yes, to the right… Now I am in my proper person, trying to go right. No people, no one, nothing. But I have the feeling that, if I go this way, I will reach some place. I must find it… I will walk along this path.»

She finishes the session and opens her eyes, now glowing with a completely different light.

Comment. Identifying the «fairy tale’, in which a person lives, can be productive. The contact with that patient was interrupted for external reasons after a short cycle of meetings. It was obvious to me that the neurotic facade was hiding (or opening?) serious constitutional problems: emotional instability, sensitivity. The leading characterological radical was cycloidal, «expressed’ in her appearance (round face, plumpness). Also, L. M. had a thin neck, which questioned her ability to adapt successfully without supporting work.

Four years later I was talking to her again. L. M. testified that, thanks to our sessions, in many cases she was able to stop her anxiety by asking herself: “What do I feel? Do I feed it or not?” etc., And thus, she saved herself from much stress. However, there was no complete peace of mind. Moreover, six months ago she was in the hospital, being treated with amitriptyline, so she gained weight. She did not have any psychotherapy since then. She worked in two other places. In one case, she resigned because of the difficulties in fulfilling a new job, in the other – because of the dissolution of the company. She experienced increased stress because of the difficulties in acquiring additional skills and qualifications at new places of work and because of problems with her relatives with her daughter.

I asked L. M. to describe her present «landscape’ of feelings. She easily continued the description:

«A high steep bank of the river. The sun is shining ahead. There is a thick forest behind, which is hard to go through. I can go left or right. I am in the state of a deep thought.»

She recollects that for a long time she was thinking about the phrase: «You cannot enter the same river twice» until she decided to talk to her husband. Now she wants to enter this bright river, but the cliff is so high and steep!

«What does this river symbolize for you?» «It’s a symbol of the future.»

«Suppose you are already in the river, what happened?»

«If I went into the river, it would, probably, be easier for me.»

«Why?»

«I would feel saved from thirst and heat.»

«So, are feeling heat now?»

«Terrible heat. My soul burns».

«Coals or open flame?»

«Flame.»

«What your state does of it express?

«Anxiety for loved ones.»

«How many such «alarms’ do you have?»

«Five: unsuccessful marriage of my daughter; absence work and fear of work; the relations with my mother-in-law; worries for the husband, for his health, for my younger daughter.»

«How many percent of your force does it take?»