Child on the Doorstep

‘How did you get away with that?’ Connie asked.

‘Well, my parents didn’t like it when I started staying out overnight, as you might imagine,’ Daniel said. ‘So I showed them my timetable and told them how many times I had been late for lectures initially. As they obviously didn’t want me to be late, they could do little about it and let me share a house with some of the others. And being away from home I learnt that life isn’t all about study, that normal students go to the pub, have parties, get drunk and generally enjoy themselves. I felt I was living for the first time. My parents knew nothing of my double life. I did enough to keep up in class, hand essays in on time and do well in my end-of-term exams.’

‘What did you study?’

‘Maths and Accountancy.’

‘So, are you following Roger into the bank?’

Daniel made a face. ‘He’d like me to.’

‘And you’re not keen?’

‘It’s not that, and not really about the job, it’s just that I have tasted freedom now and I don’t want to go back to the life I had. I am turned twenty-one now and my friends all said I should stick up for myself more, but it’s hard when you have never done it. And then I got the letter from the solicitor chap and learnt about this man I’d never heard of leaving me all this money. The letter told me who he was – my father – and I realised all my life I had lived a lie. My parents have lied to me and they weren’t my parents at all, so I don’t have to consider them any more.’

‘Yes you do, Daniel,’ Angela said. ‘They are not your birth parents but they adopted you legally and so they are your parents and they have done their best by you. Admittedly they have smothered you and you have to confront that and tell them there is to be no more of it, but I’d say you are their reason for living. Don’t turn your back on them totally.’

‘If only they’d told me,’ Daniel said. ‘My mother said if I wanted to find out about my father who had just abandoned me to their care I had to come here.’

‘Your father didn’t just abandon you, as I’ve explained,’ Angela said. ‘And I’m surprised Betty knew exactly where we lived.’

‘I don’t know whether she did or not,’ Daniel said. ‘The point is, my real father had left your address with the solicitor in case there were any problems. The stipulation of no contact was null and void when I was twenty-one so the solicitor had my address to write about the inheritance. So you see, even after I confronted her, my mother wasn’t at all helpful.’

‘She was probably in shock and perhaps a bit frightened.’

‘I don’t know why you are making excuses for her,’ Daniel said. ‘Doubt she’d do the same for you. And I don’t know what she has to be frightened of. My father is dead and when I could have got to know him, my parents – principally my mother – prevented me.’

‘She thinks you may hold it against her.’

‘Well I do a bit now, if I’m honest,’ Daniel said. ‘And, like it or not, if I can’t actually meet him, I think I’d like to know all there is to know about him.’

‘Well, as a young man both before your birth and just after, Mary will know more than me because I was just a child. She will probably be able to tell you bits about your mother too. But I can fill in the gaps later, before he enlisted, and so you can have as complete a picture of your father as we can give you.’

And then Angela stopped and cried, ‘Oh, I almost forgot. I have a photo of your father, the army took it. Here’s Barry’s, look. I put it in a silver frame.’ And she took it from the sideboard and showed him. ‘It was important for Connie to know what he looked like so she couldn’t forget him.’

‘I understand that,’ Daniel said. ‘I would so like to see what my father looked like too.’

‘It’s upstairs, won’t be a minute.’

When Angela had gone, Daniel said to Connie, ‘Could you remember more about your father when you saw his photograph?’

Connie shook her head. ‘Not really. I was too young when he joined the war he didn’t come back from.’

‘We’re more or less in the same boat then.’

‘Yes, except that I heard about my father all the time,’ Connie said. ‘The memory of him was kept alive mainly by Granny. Mammy generally doesn’t like talking about the past, but she’d often say things about my father. Granny said she loved him very much and it was hard for her to go on without him.’

Daniel didn’t reply to this for Angela had come in with a box. ‘I put the photograph in the box I kept all the letters in, because I used to write to your father, you see. Here it is.’

Daniel’s hand shook as he took the photograph and he knew now how Mary and Angela had known who he was because it was like looking in the mirror, for he was so like the father he had never known.

‘You say you used to write to my father?’ he said to Angela in the end.

‘Yes,’ Angela said. ‘Barry didn’t mind me doing it. He said some of the chaps in his unit that got no post looked really sad when the letters were handed out. It connected you to the people back at home and if no one wrote to them they might feel sort of forgotten.’

‘I understand that perfectly well,’ Daniel said. ‘But you shouldn’t have been writing to him. Or, at least, what I mean is you shouldn’t have been the only one writing to him. My mother is his sister-in-law. Oh, I know there was that thing about him not contacting me, but as he was away fighting in a bloody world war, surely that should have changed everything.’

‘Not in Betty, your adoptive mother’s, book,’ Angela said and she fought to keep any bitterness out of her voice, for she had thought Betty heartless. ‘When Stan enlisted, he wrote and told Betty, but she never replied. And when we’d had no letters for weeks at the end we knew there was something wrong and eventually I got the telegram saying Barry had been killed in action, but there was no word of your father. I thought that, although the letters were sent here, he might have listed Betty as next of kin when he enlisted and so I wrote to her, telling her of the death of Barry and asking if she’d had any word from Stan. She must have replied by return and she made no mention of Barry at all and said Stan would never contact her as that was part of the deal they made and she would be obliged if I didn’t write again.’

Daniel shook his head in bewilderment. ‘You know, that is so callous,’ he said. ‘My father was the husband of the younger sister that she was supposed to adore and she passed me off as her child. She appears so hard-hearted. I have never seen that side of her, and though I don’t doubt a word you say, you are describing a woman I don’t really recognise.’

‘Daniel, have you ever opposed your mother?’ Angela asked.

Daniel shook his head. ‘No, and if I had ever tried my father would have been very angry with me. That is, until now of course. When my last exams were over, my mother advised me to have a break for a while because I’d worked so hard. I wasn’t that keen because I didn’t know what I was going to do with myself. Those of my friends from uni who were not starting jobs immediately were going on proper holidays or camping somewhere. I knew my parents would never stand for me doing anything like that.’

‘Maybe they have a holiday planned for all of you?’

Daniel shook his head. ‘We never went on holidays. Don’t know why, except for the fact that my father never seemed to have much free time. My mother used to say he was married to the bank. I imagine what my mother wanted was for me to sit with her and keep her company and the idea of doing that day after day filled me with horror. Of course, the letter from the solicitor chap changed all that. Tell me, did she know about the letter and money?’

Angela nodded. ‘Stan wrote and told her,’ she said. ‘Mammy said it was too much of a shock to find out like this and she should tell you of Stan’s existence at least. But that was another letter she didn’t acknowledge and apparently told you nothing.’

‘No, and another thing I must challenge her about,’ Daniel said, getting to his feet.

‘Go easy on her,’ Angela said.

‘Why d’you say that?’ Daniel said.

Angela shrugged. ‘She loves you very much. Maybe a little too much and that has made her act in ways that have not been sensible and sometimes downright hurtful, but she has never stopped loving you. Remember that when you are talking to her. Now I must try and rouse Mammy or she will never sleep tonight.’

‘Can I come again?’

‘Of course,’ Angela said. ‘Stan was always welcome here and so is his son.’

‘Come and talk to my granny about days gone by,’ Connie said as she let Daniel out of the door. ‘She likes nothing better.’

‘I will,’ Daniel said with a smile for Connie and she watched him stride down the street till he reached Bristol Passage.

FOUR (#u3f88f5e8-fea6-53cd-95da-310a16346593)

They talked about Daniel often over the next few days and Angela wondered if he would return.

‘Why?’ Connie asked.

‘Oh, you know,’ Angela said vaguely. ‘Maybe it would have been better for him not to know. I mean, you could see how it had upset him and his life had been going on fine and dandy till then.’

‘I don’t think it was,’ Connie said. ‘His aunt and uncle seemed to want to control everything he did. You heard him.’

‘You’re right,’ Mary said. ‘And if he had known about his father much sooner he wouldn’t be so upset now. I said so at the time. How would it be if I told you nothing about your parents, Angela, and let you think you were our wee girl? How would you feel if you found out I had been lying all those years?’