20 MINUTES TO MASTER ... NLP

‘how to think positively so you can enhance your performance’

‘an adventure in experience’

As most of these definitions focus on personal improvement, one way of thinking of NLP is to consider it as providing a way of helping people move from situations which could be improved to situations which are better. Whereas other disciplines, such as psychology, give insights into human behaviour and motivation, NLP actually provides practical ways of improving performance. So it incorporates a technology for bringing about change in people, a set of approaches and tools which combine to offer ideas and skills for enhancing how people do things.

This can be summed up by saying that NLP helps people identify their present states (how they think and feel, what they do and the results they achieve), consider their desired states (what they would really like instead) and learn how to move from one to the other. It is not prescriptive about what the desired states should be, leaving that to the individual. For example, two people might both wish to become better at responding to other people’s criticism. The first person might become upset when criticized (their ‘present state’) and wish to ‘be able to accept criticism in a positive way’, while the second person might become defensive when criticized and wish to ‘be able to be receptive and use the criticism to bring about personal change’. Both people could be helped to achieve their aims using NLP techniques, but NLP does not tell them that one aim is ‘correct’ or ‘more desirable’ than another (although it can help them consider the advantages and disadvantages of each).

To achieve the transition from present state to desired state, there are three elements which NLP considers: you (your own situation and disposition); others (those with whom you are dealing) and flexibility (the possibility of varying what you do in order to be effective).

ORIGINS

We will be covering the history of NLP in the next chapter; the following is just a very brief outline to put the rest of this chapter into context.

NLP in its present form originated in the early 1970s in the USA, although much of it was based on concepts and approaches that were considerably older. The contribution of the founders to NLP as a discrete field of study was twofold: first, the codification, enlargement and extension of previously existing concepts into a practically useful developmental tool; and second, the promotion of ‘modelling’ (seeChapter 3 (#litres_trial_promo)) to replicate excellence in performance.

NLP stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming, a title given to it by two of its major founders, Richard Bandler and John Grinder, although the term ‘neuro-linguistic’ had been coined by Alfred Korzybski much earlier and appeared in print in his book Science and Sanity in 1933. Neuro relates to the mind and how it works; linguistic relates to the ways in which people express or communicate their experience of the world; programming relates to the fact that people behave according to personal ‘programmes’ which govern their ways of being in the world. So NLP encompasses the ways in which people think and act in their everyday lives.

California in the 1970s was a hotbed of ideas and activities. Richard Bandler and John Grinder (seeChapter 2 (#u61cf23a8-da93-47f2-b44a-12f3895ebbb1)) began exploring how really effective people achieved their results. They turned their attention to a number of individuals, each of whom excelled in their own field, the three best-known of whom were Milton Erickson, Virginia Satir and Fritz Perls (seeChapter 2 (#u61cf23a8-da93-47f2-b44a-12f3895ebbb1)).

In studying these people who excelled in their professions, Bandler and Grinder were curious to explore what was ‘the difference that made the difference’ – in other words what, specifically, led these people to excel. They found that each of their subjects exhibited specific personal patterns of behaviour and thinking, and it is these patterns, with their component elements, which form much of the basis for NLP.

So what are the elements involved in people’s patterns? Although not originally put into a specific unified model, certain discrete elements are involved; in particular thoughts, feelings and behaviour – in other words, how people think, how they feel and what they do. These three elements are the foundation of performance. Other elements can be added, in particular objectives, beliefs/values/attitudes and spirituality. (In taking these elements as key, I have drawn upon the work of David Gordon, Graham Dawes and Robert Dilts, and the next part of this chapter is based especially on the Experiential Dynamics model of Gordon and Dawes; seeChapter 3 (#litres_trial_promo).)

What Bandler, Grinder and their colleagues noticed was that the people they studied had ways (or patterns) of thinking, feeling and behaving which made them effective. The people were not always aware of these patterns, but they could be noticed by keen outside observers. The conclusions reached were that once you can observe and describe such patterns, they can be copied by others. This meant that other people could learn to follow the same patterns in order to achieve similar results.

Now there is nothing startlingly new in this process; it is how much learning takes place. For example, to learn how to tie a shoelace a child has to copy (model) how someone else does it. What makes NLP particularly effective is its ability to break performance down into very small elements and to take account of ‘internal’ processes such as thoughts and feelings, as well as ‘external’ behaviour, when helping others to learn and develop.

UTILIZING AND WORKING WITH THE PATTERNS

If we take each element of a pattern in turn – objectives, behaviour, thoughts, feelings and beliefs – we can see how NLP enables people to explore and enhance their performance. Later I will be returning to some of these aspects and showing how you can use them personally in your own development.

OBJECTIVES

There are already well-established approaches to objective setting, for example the SMART approach (seeChapter 6 (#litres_trial_promo)). NLP goes beyond these, and helps define objectives in a way which makes it much more likely that they will be achieved. To do this, NLP uses what it calls Well Formed Outcomes, or WFOs. The WFO model for setting effective objectives is covered in detail in Chapter 6 (#litres_trial_promo) and is the foundation for effective NLP work; by ensuring that objectives are well defined, progress and change are facilitated.

BEHAVIOUR

Behaviour is the only thing which is observable by others; they cannot see into your mind or know how you are feeling unless you either tell them or show them – and both of these processes (telling and showing) are behaviour. So NLP works with all aspects of behaviour, helping people to observe and respond to behaviour in useful and appropriate ways.

Some specific ways in which NLP works with behaviour are the following:

Helping People to Learn Skills

This often involves ‘role modelling’ someone with excellent skills in a particular field and learning how to transfer these skills to another person. Examples of this could include playing a musical instrument (finding out which techniques are used by professional musicians and emulating them) or taking part in sports (selecting top performers in different sporting fields – for example golf, athletics, tennis – and breaking down their performance into component parts in order to replicate it).

Creating and Maintaining Rapport and Influence

NLP has specific ways of enhancing rapport and influence, notably the concept of ‘matching’ (or copying) other people in order to make them feel at ease. The idea is that most people feel comfortable with others who are similar to themselves, so by making yourself a little more like another person you can enhance their feelings of comfort and acceptance (see alsoChapter 5 (#litres_trial_promo)).

Using Language to Communicate and Influence

There are a number of aspects here, including the following:

recognizing people’s personality and motivational patterns through their language patterns

recognizing which senses people favour or rely on, through listening to the actual words they use

being able to use either precise or imprecise language where appropriate to achieve particular results

using indirect language for persuasiveness and influence

respecting the actual words and phrases used by individuals, as those words represent their experience of reality

Language will be covered in more detail in Chapters 4–6.

THOUGHTS

The elements of thought involve seeing (visualizing), hearing (imagining sounds or having ‘internal conversations’ or dialogue in one’s head), experiencing sensations (emotional or tactile), sensing smells or sensing tastes. In each of these areas, NLP enables people to notice their thoughts and then, if needed, to modify them and thereby their experience.

For example, you might ask someone to think about a flower. First they can imagine how the flower looks (its colour and shape), then imagine how it smells (its scent), then imagine how it feels (its form and texture), then imagine how it sounds (perhaps its leaves rustling in a breeze), then imagine how it tastes (some flowers are edible!) So far, the experience has been imitating reality – you have asked the person to imagine a real flower, as it is usually perceived. Now for the interesting part: you can ask the person to manipulate their mental experience to create something entirely new. So, for example, you might ask the person to imagine the flower a different colour, a different size, with a different smell, making an unusual sound, and so forth. The ability of the mind to make these changes is a foundation for learning and innovation, and if you have never experimented in such a manner, you may be amazed at the changes in experience which such shifts can bring about.

Because of its ability to manipulate the senses, NLP can help people create more (or less) pleasant experiences for themselves. And in case you are wondering why they should want to create a less pleasant experience, think of how to teach someone to avoid putting their hand in a hot fire, or how to make sure they don’t drive after they have been drinking.

FEELINGS

NLP was largely founded on the activities of therapists and it has continued to emphasize the importance of a balanced emotional state in achieving effective performance. It has techniques for managing emotions, many of them involving the sensory shifts referred to in the previous section. Emotional responses are often brought about by thoughts and are certainly closely linked to them, so by changing thought patterns it is often easy to change emotional responses.

Another way in which NLP engages the emotions is through its association with behaviour. Because there is a close link between body and mind, by making changes in the body, changes in the mind – and thereby the emotions – often follow. An example of this is posture. Most people have habitual postures associated with different emotional states, for example being more upright when energetic and taking up less space when apprehensive. By changing posture it is possible to change the thoughts and feelings which follow. So, to get someone to feel more energetic, it is possible to identify their personal posture for energy and then help them re-create it; once they have done so, they are more likely to feel energetic. The same goes for states such as calmness, relaxation, motivation, enthusiasm and so forth – certain postures are more likely to produce each of these states in a given person.

BELIEFS

One of NLP’s strengths is its ability to influence change at deep levels. Although change can be brought about by teaching people new skills, it is beliefs, values and assumptions which are the foundation of each individual.

Much of NLP is about changes in beliefs, values and attitudes, sometimes direct and sometimes indirect. For example, a direct belief change could be brought about by confronting a person with an example which contradicts their previous experience; maybe showing them a yellow tomato if they believed tomatoes were always red. An indirect belief change could be brought about through exposing a person to different learning situations which, cumulatively, resulted in them changing their beliefs, for example giving a person who believed they were poor at public speaking the opportunity to practise until they were convinced they could do it. Equally, assumptions may be changed when a person gains a different perspective on a situation, for example a person who thinks a neighbour is being indifferent to them, but then finds out the person is hard of hearing and has not been able to hear what is being said.

The interesting thing about the way in which NLP works to effect such changes is that it can help people experience changes in their mind, rather than having to put them in ‘real-life’ situations to face real (or imagined) obstacles. It has been found that people have actual mental ‘locations’ for beliefs and that by helping a person to locate and utilize these locations, it is possible to influence the strength of their beliefs.

SPIRITUALITY

NLP also offers ways of exploring what is ‘beyond’ everyday experience. Spirituality is a rather different concept from the other elements I have been discussing, i.e. behaviour, thoughts, feelings and beliefs. These elements are easier to communicate, as people are likely to have more of a shared understanding of them. For example, in discussing behaviour, it is relatively easy to discuss whether a shop assistant has been helpful or uninterested, or whether a student is listening or distracted; these things are relatively easy to observe and construe. With spirituality, however, each person’s experience is both ‘internal’ and personal and the vocabulary with which to discuss it is frequently more limited.

For example, two people may visit an area of countryside where they can enjoy seeing the landscape, hearing the sounds of animals, feeling the sunshine and being aware of the scents in the air. One person may simply experience this as a pleasant day out; for the other person the outing may provide an awareness of something beyond the immediate experience, perhaps a sense of fulfilment, of integration, or of a power or quality which permeates the senses. While being acutely conscious of this personal experience, it may be difficult for the second person to explain in everyday language what their awareness actually is.

Despite these limitations, many people working with NLP are helping others to develop their spiritual sense and awareness.

FEATURES OF NLP

NLP has some specific features which mark it out; other disciplines may have one or more of these, but the combination of all makes NLP distinctive. What are these features?