Putting Alice Back Together

I fell into bed, and bloody hoped that it would anyway.

I also hoped I’d have a bruise.

Enough that make-up would cover.

But enough, too, that Mum would notice.

It didn’t look better in the morning.

And, sadly, there was no sign of a bruise.

The pins came out and my hair was still orange, a mass of orange ringlets with a stupid crinkle fringe. I had a thumping headache, and just wanted to crawl back to bed and hide till it grew out (say around eight months or so), but the hairdresser was back earlier than planned and all bubbly and bright (and reeking of brandy), and had a much better idea.

‘We’ll straighten it.’ She pulled out a bottle and started squirting me with water. I protested but Mum gave me a warning look as Bonny came into the kitchen. She was even allowed to smoke inside because it was her Special Day. I sat there, as my head was dragged and jerked backwards and sideways, and my scalp burnt with the heat of the hairdryer. It took about forty minutes—I have loads of hair, just loads and loads of hair, but the strange thing was, as the hairdresser worked on, Bonny’s mood lifted. She had sworn to kill the hairdresser last night, and her entire family too, yet she was chatting away to her now, and Mum was beaming as they all stood and watched.

‘There!’ The hairdresser beamed, and so too did everyone. Even Eleanor, beautiful, stunning, gorgeous Eleanor, gaped as she walked into the kitchen.

‘Oh, my God!’ she screeched when she saw me. ‘Straight suits you.’

I ran up to the bathroom and stood there.

Yes, it was still bright orange, but it was straight, smooth and sleek and the newly created fringe fell over one eye and…

It was me.

For the first time in my life I felt as if I was staring at my reflection and recognised the person that was staring back.

Seven

I soon cheered up.

It was nice having Roz back at the flat but it wasn’t just her company I wanted. There was conversation that needed to be had.

Dan had a point.

In all honesty, I sometimes got a bit embarrassed when I went out with Roz.

It wasn’t just that she didn’t make an effort—it was as if she tried to look like she hadn’t made an effort, if you know what I mean. I knew she was hurting, I knew her ex-husband Andrew had displayed her as some sort of trophy wife and had got really narky if she put on a bit of weight or didn’t get her nails and hair done religiously, but to go so far the other way was only hurting Roz.

We chatted about Nicole. Then there was a half hour or so listening to her bang on about Andrew’s new girlfriend Trudy. Then I sat through the saga of Lizzie, her daughter, and their latest row and then, when she’d worn herself out talking about the bitch that is her daughter, she waffled on about Hugh.

‘He might be nice.’ Roz raised her eyebrows.

‘He’s living with someone called Gemma. (Nicole had told me after I’d agreed he could stay.) Nicole reckons they’re serious.’

‘Well, they can’t be that serious if he’s coming out here. He’s a consultant.’ Roz nudged. ‘You never know.’

Oh, I knew.

‘He’s Nicole’s cousin,’ I said, because it covered so many things—anally retentive, frigid, uptight, driven. ‘I only agreed because if Nicole told me one more time about Aunty Cheryl and her mother’s row, and how this would really help, I’d have strangled her.’ But we weren’t here to discuss Lizzie or the impending arrival of Dr Hugh Watson, so, rather skilfully I thought, I moved the conversation around to this fabulous new body moisturiser and a hot oil hair treatment I’d bought from my hairdresser Karan as Roz pretended to listen.

Yes, pretended.

I could sense her distraction and it infuriated me. I wasn’t doing this for my benefit—I didn’t have a halo of pubic hair on my head, I wasn’t slobbing on the couch in khaki oversized cargo pants and a T-shirt you could house a Third World family in.

‘Roz!’ She jumped to attention as I held up the pack. ‘Let’s have a girls’ night in—maybe we could do each other’s hair or something…’

‘I don’t know, Alice.’ She shrugged, then flicked her cigarette somewhere near the ashtray and for an appalling moment I reminded myself of Nicole as I sucked in my breath. ‘I’m just past all that.’

‘Past all that.’ I shook my head firmly. ‘You’re only thirty-four, Roz. You’re nowhere near past it, though with that attitude…’ My voice trailed off as again Roz shook her head.

‘It’s nothing to do with my age.’ She gave a wheezy laugh, which turned into a cough. Then just when she managed to finally get her breath back, when the blue tinge left her lips and the broken veins bulging on her cheeks faded somewhat, she stubbed out her cigarette and lit another. ‘When I say past it, I mean I’m over it.’

‘Over what?’

‘Trying to please people—I had enough of it with Andrew. No matter how thin I was, no matter how good I looked, it was never enough. Look, I see how long you spend on your hair…’

‘It makes me feel nice,’ I smarted. ‘Believe me, Roz, I don’t want to spend all those hours, but better that than walking around like I’ve got my finger in a plug socket. It’s important to take care of yourself.’

‘I’m not going there again.’

‘Looking good isn’t just about pleasing people, Roz,’ I answered tartly. ‘This is about pleasing yourself, about self-respect.’

‘Perhaps,’ Roz mumbled. ‘It just seems like such a lot of work and for what?’

Okay, so softly, softly wasn’t going to work here. I’m not very good at being firm, but really I know I sound like a bitch, I know I sound superficial and I know I probably am all those things, but I truly wasn’t being bitchy or superficial at that moment. I was actually in a real predicament—one I hadn’t even told Dan about.

Roz smelt!

I would never say it to Dan because, well, with Dan it would be bitching, but it wasn’t just me who thought it. Since Roz started on my team I’d had four complaints about her personal hygiene. Yes, she smokes, but it wasn’t just that—I smoke, half the team smokes.

The fact was Roz smelt.

I really did think Roz was depressed, I mean properly depressed. I truly didn’t know what to do about it and I had no bloody idea how to approach her questionable hygiene, but I had to, because if I didn’t deal with it, I’d be complained about. One of the managers, like Claire, would then no doubt have a less than sensitive word with Roz—which would kill her.

I’d bought her smellies as presents, but that was as far as I’d got. How do you tell a good friend, and one who is very sensitive, that, on occasion, she reeks?

‘Why don’t I rub in this hair mask for you and then we can both put on face-packs and then you can have a shower…’

‘I really can’t be bothered.’

‘Come on, Roz—you have to get back out there!’ I paused for effect, gave her a wide-eyed, very direct stare. ‘I mean, I understand you might need a break after your divorce but sooner or later you’re going to want to start dating again, and when you do, well…’

‘I’ve got a date.’ Her broken capillaries darkened, and she gave a shy smile.

‘When?’

‘Tomorrow night?’