Putting Alice Back Together

‘Why didn’t you tell me Paul rang last night?’

‘What?’

‘You know what, Alice?’ I didn’t want to know, but she told me anyway. ‘I think you’re jealous. I think you’re jealous of me and Paul.’

It was me snorting then.

I couldn’t stand Paul.

I mean, I could not bear him.

He was the most arrogant man I’d ever met.

And he’s stupid.

I’ve nothing against stupid people—but stupid people who think that they’re clever just set my teeth on edge. Never mind Nicole’s a lawyer, he’s opening a coffee shop. It’s all he talks about. From the day I met him till the day he—thankfully—went back to the UK, it’s all he spoke about.

He’s going to have a loyalty card for his customers. For every ten coffees they get a free one and—wait for it—on their birthdays, if they have their driver’s licence with them and can prove that it is their birthday, well, they’ll get a free one on that day too. Oh, and he’s got this really good idea about providing the daily papers and current magazines for his customers. I kept waiting for the punch line. I kept waiting for him to walk into any other coffee shop in any other street and have a complete breakdown because someone had stolen his idea. Honestly, I have sat there cross-eyed listening to him droning on and on so many times.

And Nic thought I was jealous.

‘You’ve done everything you can to dissuade me from going.’

‘I’m driving you to the airport,’ I pointed out.

We were at the turn-off and I felt like pulling over and dumping her stuff on the side of the road and letting her walk.

‘You knew I was worried that he hadn’t called, you knew I was panicking he was having second thoughts whether he wanted me to come, and you didn’t even tell me he’d called. You didn’t even write it down.’

‘I forgot, okay?’ We were at the short-term car parking and I wound down my window to press the button.

‘Use your credit card,’ Nic said. This, from a woman who pays her monthly balance in full and sometimes a little extra too on the day her statement comes. ‘It’ll be easier for you getting out.’

Not with my credit card. I pushed the button and took a ticket and I heard her irritated sigh because I hadn’t taken her advice.

I couldn’t stand this.

She was going.

In an hour or so she’d be gone and I didn’t want it to end on a row.

‘I just…’ We were through the barrier and going up the levels. ‘He rang just as I was dashing out. I knew you were waiting and I couldn’t find a pen—I just forgot, okay? I’m sorry.’ The place was packed and we drove around but ended up going up another level and I knew I hadn’t mollified her.

I didn’t want her to leave on a row.

I didn’t want her to leave on a row because it would make it easier for her to never come back.

‘I’m not jealous, Nicole.’ I found a parking spot, it was narrow and it would be hell getting out, but I squeezed in. ‘I’m just…’

‘Just what, Alice? Go on, just say it.’

How, though?

‘Just what, Alice?’ She insisted to my rigid face. ‘Come on, if you’ve got something to say then I want to hear it.’

‘I’m worried about you.’ I turned and looked her square in the eye and she stared right back. ‘Remember how badly you took it when Dean broke up with you?’

‘Paul’s nothing like Dean.’

‘Off course he’s not,’ I said quickly, and then paused for a moment. ‘But he does live on the other side of the world. I’m just worried how you’re going to be if it all ends.’

‘It might not end,’ Nicole said firmly, ‘and if it does then I’ll deal with it. You don’t have to worry about me, Alice. I’m not like I was when Dean broke up with me. I know I was a mess, I know I must have been a pain to live with and how great you were and everything, but that was years ago.’

‘There have been others since then, though,’ I pointed out gently. ‘And you always seem so…’ I struggled to find a softer word than the one that was on the tip of my tongue, but none was forthcoming. ‘So devastated when you break up with someone. You’ve got so much pinned on this trip; I’m just scared you’re…’

‘Heading for a fall?’ Nicole asked, and I nodded, not sure how she’d take it, so I was infinitely relieved when she leant over and wrapped me in a hug.

‘Oh, Alice, that’s so like you.’ She hugged me tighter. ‘Always worrying about other people, and I suppose with my track record…’ She gave a little laugh and pulled away. ‘I know I’ve been an idiot over guys in the past, but I’ve grown up since then. I’m a lawyer, I see women every day moving on with their lives after their relationships break up—I’m not going to crumple in a heap if Paul and I finish.’

‘I know. I’m just concerned for you, that’s all.’

‘Well, you don’t have to be,’ Nicole said, but her words were gentler now.

‘I’m sorry I forgot to tell you he rang.’

‘I’m sorry for bringing it up, I was being stupid.’

And I left it at that.

We were friends again.

That was all that mattered.

We made an odd little group. We were rarely all together but Nic seemed genuinely delighted that we’d made the effort.

Dan was there waiting, the most beautiful man on God’s earth, and his face lit up when he saw me. I just fell into his arms and stayed there for a moment.

He knows me better than anyone.

He knew, more than anyone, how hard tonight was for me.

He just didn’t know it all.

‘She’ll be back,’ Dan said, and kissed the top of my head and held me for a moment. ‘How was last night?’

‘Great.’ My face burnt in shame against his chest for a full minute before I could bring myself to look up. ‘You missed a good night.’

Roz was there too. In contrast to Dan and his suit, Roz was in last night’s cargo pants and T-shirt.