On Equal Terms

‘Believe me, Kate, you are—and now!’ His lips widened to a dangerously sexy smile. Kate’s stomach contracted painfully at his words; his suggestion sounded more like a threat, and she immediately felt herself grow hot at his remark. He assumed that she was willing to fall meekly back into her former life. She would not go with him! She threw back her head, her fair hair tumbling over her slim shoulders in disarray. She stared up at him, her heart racing, but she presented a calm façade, refusing to let him see the havoc he was creating within her.

‘I’ve no intention of going home!’ she spat at him, hating him with all her heart

‘And I’ve no intention of leaving here without you!’ he bit back. He remained standing at the side of her bed, his hands placed firmly on his hips, pushing his tailored jacket back to reveal his hard chest, just visible beneath his white silk shirt. His expression was growing darker with every passing moment and the silence made Kate feel even more nervous. But she would not give in to him; it had taken her a long time to get over him and she wasn’t prepared to risk the pain of rejection again.

‘How did you know I was here?’ Kate asked, trying to stall for time as she thought of a way to escape from him.

‘A private detective…’ he barked back, as if he was aware of her tactic and was finding it all rather tiresome. ‘I had to find you,’ he said. The words hung in the air between them. She heard the steely edge in his voice and knew she was to take that as a warning.

‘Why?’ she came back, unable to control herself in the face of such arrogance and the growing suspicion that he was not being totally honest with her.

‘We can discuss that later, now let’s go home,’ he said with deceptive casualness. But his manner did not fool Kate. She knew him too well—knew that he was being evasive. Her determination to stand up to him wavered slightly as she recalled his formidable temper, but then the thought of going home failed her heart and mind, effectively blocking out her reservations about Sebastian. Yet what of her father—what was his view on all this? she wondered; it seemed strange that he had not come for her. Had he still not forgiven her, despite all her attempts to make amends?

‘Where’s my father?’

It was a simple enough question but she noticed the almost indefinable change that instantly came over Sebastian. She waited for him to speak. A cloud of darkness passed through his eyes but it was quickly gone.

‘Does he know? Does he want me home?’ she asked, her voice a mixture of hope and desperation. How she wanted his answer to be in the affirmative.

‘Your sudden concern is heart-warming,’ Sebastian drawled cruelly. ‘Now get dressed, Kate.’ His voice was heavy with contempt as he spun away from the bed and marched back down the ward. Kate stared after him. She was hurt by his tone. Her head was throbbing and she suddenly felt drained. It had not been the reunion she had wanted. She felt cheated, angry and humiliated. She looked down at the bundle of clothes he had thrown on the bed and knew she had neither the energy nor inclination to fight him. Once dressed, she made her way slowly up the ward. Something was wrong, she could tell, something that Sebastian was not telling her. But she knew that to ask him would be pointless. He would only tell her when he wanted to. He turned around as he heard her approach, his eyes raking over her and a frown furrowing his brow.

‘You are all right, aren’t you?’ he asked, watching her closely. Kate matched his expression with a frown of her own. Was this genuine concern? she wondered. It was the first time he had shown any interest in her well-being.

‘I’ll be all right.’

‘Good,’ was his monosyllabic reply, and Kate could discern nothing from it. He took her hand in his, his grip tight and possessive, as if he did not trust her not to try and escape. Her pulse immediately began to race; his touch still excited her, even after all this time.

Sebastian drove through the hectic traffic with his usual skill and speed and, within minutes, the city was being left behind. He exhaled noisily and shifted in his seat, and Kate saw him visibly begin to relax, yet she could still sense an underlying strain. The countryside was quiet; the roads, which in summer would be teeming with tourists, were completely empty. The green fields were varnished in a fine coating of frosty white rime and the trees stood stiffly erect, their slender branches like gnarled arms twisting upwards, reaching up into the sunless sky, stretching to find some heat The only sign of activity was a host of black crows lining the greying fences of the roadside, waiting to pick at any unfortunate rabbit that might have been hit by a car. Kate gave an involuntary shiver; the day was as dark and dismal as the desolation she felt in her heart. The atmosphere in the car didn’t help matters. It was strained; an invisible wall of resentment had been erected between them. The silence was so uncomfortable and fragile that she remained silent, gazing out of the window, her mind a flurry of emotions. Their last meeting had been far from harmonious and she wondered if he still remembered it. She did, so very clearly; she had secured herself a job and was leaving. She’d been determined to go but Sebastian had stopped her in the hall, making one last attempt to persuade her to stay.

‘Kate, stop it now,’ he had said firmly, taking the case from her hand and placing it on the floor as he’d continued, ‘It’s not what you want—what any of us want.’

‘What I want?’ she exclaimed in outrage. She was still hurting from the fact that she had not been informed of the decision to send her away to a school until it had all been arranged. She should have been consulted—she wasn’t a child; but that was how they treated her and she was determined to prove them all wrong. ‘Who cares about what I want?’ she threw at him, hating the fact that he had not jumped to her defence but had agreed with the idea. He wanted her to go, to be rid of her; his little stepsister was becoming a burden. And yet she still loved him.

‘We all do, Kate.’ Sebastian’s voice was low, reasonable, but she didn’t care. She was stung by his attitude, hurt more deeply than she was prepared to show.

‘Really?’ Her voice was thick with sarcasm, Sebastian’s face distorted as he grabbed her by the arm.

‘Yes,’ he snapped, ‘we do all care, and you’re just being a damn fool.’ A stubborn, sulky look covered her face and she raised her face to glare at him, shaking her arm loose from his grip.

‘Listen, Kate,’ he began again, trying a new tactic, still hoping to change her mind. ‘Let’s talk about it. If you’re against the idea of going away to school, let’s discuss some alternatives,’ he suggested.

‘I have an alternative,’ she retorted swiftly. She had been forced to make her own arrangements, as he had taken over her rightful role in her father’s business, but she wasn’t prepared to tell him about her job—he would only mock. She enjoyed the startled look on his face, soon to be replaced by anger.

‘It’s ludicrous!’ he snarled. ‘How can you possibly hope to look after yourself? You’re still a—’

‘A child…’ she cut in furiously at the insult. ‘Wrong, Sebastian! That was an eighteenth birthday that we just celebrated—it makes me an adult,’ she told him aloofly, trying to keep the pain from her voice. She tried so hard to make him see her as a grown-up, but it always failed. Now she was forcing the issue, but it seemed to make no difference.

‘Then behave like one,’ he responded coolly.

‘I am!’ Kate defended herself. ‘I’m doing what I want.’ She took hold of her suitcase, again determined to leave. Yet a crack of pain was beginning to break her heart.

‘And no one matters,’ he said brusquely, before adding in a softer tone, ‘Not even me?’

Her eyes had flown to his at his words. She silently willed him to say more—to beg her not to leave, to tell her that he loved her—but he didn’t, and she wanted to hurt him as he smashed her dreams.

‘You least of all, Sebastian,’ she ground out. ‘If I ever see you again, it will be too soon.’ Her face was distorted with pain and anger, her eyes fiery bright, and she turned away. Even as she opened the door she hoped he would say something—anything—even her name on his lips would have been enough—but he remained silent. She could feel the heat of his stare on her back but she refused to turn to say a final farewell. A tear plumped at the corner of her eyes as she closed the door behind her…

‘I haven’t had time for any lunch, so if you don’t mind…’ Sebastian began as he swung into the car park of a small country inn without waiting for a reply. His voice brought Kate sharply back to the present and she knew he remembered too what she had said to him all that time ago.

‘No, not at all,’ agreed Kate; she hadn’t wanted to admit it but her nerves were on edge, because it was the first time she had been in a car since her accident. Though she had every confidence in Sebastian’s driving, she was still glad of a little respite. It took her several moments to gain control of her unsteady limbs when she got out of the car and Sebastian offered no assistance—not that she would have accepted any, she thought angrily as she struggled to keep up with him. His long strides were eating up the distance in the car park.

‘Sit near there,’ he ordered, pointing her over to a snug corner next to a blazing log fire. ‘You’ll have something to eat.’ It was an order, not a request, and Kate, too weary to argue, sank gratefully into the chair by the grate.

‘I’ll order coffee; it will help keep me awake,’ he said as he removed his jacket and flung it carelessly over the back of a chair.

‘That’s fine,’ smiled Kate, trying not to look at him, but already she knew she was fighting a losing battle. She was still totally aware of his masculinity. As she had noted in the hospital, the shirt he wore fitted to perfection around his muscular chest, drawing attention to a dark shadow of hair. He strode off to the bar with a smooth, confident air. Kate’s eyes followed him, drawn hypnotically by the lithe movements of his body. She sighed; she had thought she was over him, that it was all in the past, but now she was no longer so sure. The heat of the fire warmed her chilled bones and she began to relax, despite the tense atmosphere.

‘Are you enjoying your meal?’ he asked later as he raised his glass to his mouth, his strong fingers encircling the stem. ‘By the look of you, a decent meal is something you haven’t had for some time.’

‘I’ve been having a perfectly adequate diet,’ she reported back through clenched teeth, almost hating how much she was enjoying the food; it made her feel slightly guilty. She knew she shouldn’t, that it was pointless always to consider the problems of others, but she couldn’t help it. She had been lucky finding a job through a local paper. She had worked for eighteen months, making her way up from office junior to the more senior post of co-ordinator. She worked for a Third World charity, and fighting hunger was now so important to her that it spilled out into her personal life, making her frugal. Sebastian shrugged, indifferent to her mood, neither annoyed nor amused by it.

‘So you say,’ he replied smoothly. His voice held a satisfied tone. ‘But it hardly looks like it,’ he added tauntingly.

Kate’s temper was bubbling up inside her, like a volcano waiting to erupt. He knew exactly how to upset her. Even after all this time, he seemed to take a delight in annoying her! She kept looking firmly at him, refusing to allow him to dismiss her as if she were still a child. She confronted him squarely—she was an adult now. But he was unperturbed by her anger. He studied her carefully, then the citrus smell of his aromatic aftershave filled her nostrils as he moved closer to her.

‘You look tired, Kate,’ he said almost softly, and the sound of her name on his lips was touched with a sudden intimacy. ‘I think we’d best hit the road again. I want you home as soon as possible.’ She immediately detected the hidden message in his voice. There was something amiss, some problem he was not telling her.

‘What is it, Sebastian? What’s going on?’ she demanded, her voice hoarse as sudden emotion gripped her.

‘Not now, Kate, not here.’ His voice held a finality that worried her even more.

‘I want to know now,’ she demanded again, troubled by his expression, her heart beating rapidly inside her, like a trapped bird.

‘I’m tired, Kate, and so are you,’ he told her firmly, brooking no argument.

‘I want to know now!’ Kate persisted, knowing that she sounded like a petulant child.

‘I’m not prepared to discuss anything at the moment,’ he told her, taking her arm, his fingers biting into her soft flesh. He escorted her out of the pub, his grip increasing as they went back to the car. Kate would have objected, but she suddenly didn’t feel very well. She swayed slightly against him as the bitter wind seared through her fragile body.

‘Kate—Kate, what is it?’ He mumbled a curse as his arms wrapped around her swaying body, encircling her slender waist to steady her. Kate moaned slightly and pressed her fingers on her damp forehead. She had become over-excited and now she was paying for it.

‘My head hurts,’ she whispered softly. The painkillers were wearing off and now her whole body ached. She felt exhausted, her eyes already closing as he pushed her gently into the car. He pulled her seatbelt across her, his hand accidentally brushing across her breast, and, for a second, he paused, his body stiffening. Then he closed the buckle with a snap.

‘It’s all right, I’ll soon have you home, and then Dr Russell can check you over. There’s nothing to worry about. The hospital said you were fine. You’ve just taken a bad knock,’ he assured her briskly. He sounded confident, as usual, but Kate caught the flicker of doubt that flamed briefly in his eyes.

Kate closed her eyes and could remember nothing after that; it was all a hazy dream. Reality had become distorted through a veil of pain and shock.

‘Sebastian,’ she said, his name escaping through her dry, thinly parted lips in a hushed murmur. She desperately tried to focus on him, but her eyes ached and that dull pain throbbed incessantly in her head.