On Equal Terms

‘Kate! Kate!’ She heard the sound of his voice calling her name, far away in the distance, and she struggled to nod in response. She wanted to drift again, to fall back into the heavy sleep where she felt no pain. Here she felt like a trapped animal. She sensed that she was now in a room, and Sebastian was waiting and watching her every move. The events of the day slowly came back to her; she must have fainted. She certainly only had vague flitting pictures of what had gone before, yet she remembered immediately that something was wrong.

‘Do you want a drink?’ Sebastian’s voice was soft, gentler than she remembered it, but the strength of his hands as they wrapped around her shoulders, raising her from the soft pillow, were the same. Strong, hard and muscular, lifting her with an ease that told her of his strength. The cold rim of a glass touched her dry lips and she drank thirstily of the water that was offered to her. She rested back on the pillow, forcing her lids open. The cold grey light of early morning filtered through the huge windows and Kate knew she was back, back in the house she had once called home. Sebastian was sitting on the bed. He looked tired. His eyes were red-rimmed through lack of sleep: the long drive had obviously taken its toll. His tobacco-coloured hair fell in disarray across his finely chiselled features. Kate felt a frisson race through her body, but she refused to let him see the effect he was having on her. He was still as handsome as ever, she thought bitterly, not liking the way she still responded to him.

‘Welcome home,’ he said, a ready smile forming on his sensuous mouth, as if he was unaware of the irony of his words. Kate nodded slowly, but did not return his smile.

Even Sebastian wouldn’t ask that much, she thought wryly as she continued to study him. He hadn’t really changed: there was only a touch of grey in his hair and there were no tell-tale signs of ageing around his clear blue eyes—and yet there was something. Kate felt it; that hidden thread that had always drawn them together alerted her to the fact that something about him had changed. But she was too tired to think about it now. Besides, it didn’t concern her, not now. It was all in the past and best forgotten. She would have to leave here as soon as she had the chance; she would go back to her new life. However, already doubts had begun to surface at the back of her mind and she knew that it would be difficult, that Sebastian would be keeping a close eye on her, watching her every move.

‘How are you?’ he asked. ‘The journey was too much and you passed out yesterday. That’s why you’ve slept so long,’ he continued, ignoring the fact that Kate had closed her eyes again. ‘Are you still feeling drowsy?’ he probed, his voice searing through her brain as she tried to shut him out. She hadn’t been prepared for the impact that his return into her life would make, and she knew she had to keep him out of it in order to remain immune to him.

‘Perhaps you’d like something to eat?’ he offered. Kate’s eyes flickered open; his voice seemed strangely formal and distant, but she didn’t care. She closed her eyes again, determined to keep her fragile barriers firmly intact. She had to shut out his image, to secure her mind and heart against him. The reality that she was back with him was almost unbearable and every second in his presence would weaken her defences against him.

‘I’d like a bath,’ she managed; her speech sounded slurred. Kate knew a bath was her only chance of privacy and she wanted to be alone. She needed time alone, time to think, to rationalise her feelings, which swayed dramatically between hate and love for this man.

‘A bath—yes, of course.’ His tone was distinctly polite and Kate’s eyes flickered open, searching the dark depths of his for a glimmer of tenderness, but there was none.

‘It will probably bring you round a bit,’ he informed her, patting her arm and sending an unexpected ripple of electric awareness through her body. He rose from the bed. Kate watched him cross the room. He moved with the same arrogant stride, liquid movements that belied his determination. She closed her eyes again, shutting out his image, but it was too late—already her mind had begun to drift back to their first meeting…

CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_c41b5f57-c3b5-5db8-a9bc-337d5ddb440c)

‘GOOD morning.’

Kate gave a nervous start at the softly vibrant voice that cut through the early morning stillness. She spun round, fixing her eyes on the tall, broad-shouldered and immensely powerful-looking figure walking slowly towards her. A frisson of alarm ran through her body as her mind registered the sheer power of the man. He towered over her own petite stature and looked down at her. His eyes were dark blue, with thick, curly lashes, and his hair was a mixture of browns, sort of tobacco-coloured.

‘My name’s Sebastian,’ he said, his voice deep and clear, as he extended his hand in a formal greeting. Kate gazed up at him, her eyelids blinking anxiously as she noted the teasing lilt in his tone.

‘Hello, Sebastian,’ she managed, at the man who was now her stepbrother and her senior by twelve years.

‘I’d thought I’d take Dylan out,’ Sebastian said smoothly, releasing her hand and moving into the stalls. Kate nearly sagged with relief at his words.

‘He’s all ready, Mr…’ she began, but Sebastian swung round, his blue eyes dark.

‘Sebastian—please. My name is Sebastian.’

‘Sebastian,’ agreed Kate, with a nod. It seemed odd to her that he should want to be called by his first name. The timbre in his voice held the unmistakable tone of authority and Kate knew he expected to be obeyed. ‘Dylan is ready and eager to be out,’ Kate said, instinct warning her that Sebastian was not as malleable as her father. He was wearing riding boots but the rest of his clothes were far from formal. He wore a pair of faded denim jeans that hugged his muscular thighs and a checked shirt peeked out around the crew neck of a thick navy sweater. He could have passed for an Englishman. But Kate had eavesdropped on many adult conversations, so knew his heritage, even if his mother was at pains to forget all about her disastrous first marriage. She had been married to a much older man, a fiery Italian who believed a woman’s place was in the home. Sebastian had inherited his father’s dark looks, his fiery disposition, but his ideas on women were far removed from his father’s. Still, Kate would have known immediately that he wasn’t English. There was something wild about him—untamed and free—unlike the wealthy English gentlemen that she was familiar with. His hair was streaked with flecks of shimmering gold and it was swept back off his face like a sleek lion’s mane, drawing attention to his autocratic features. His eyes were blue, yet they were dark with a piercing quality, like an icy shaft of light Kate sensed even then that she would always love him, that somehow they were kindred souls who had been drawn together by circumstances beyond their control. She stared up at him, her pale grey eyes almost hidden beneath her long, straight fringe of ash-blonde hair.

‘Dylan is a fine horse, such a beautiful grey stallion,’ she breathed, following Sebastian into the stalls, wanting to be close to him.

‘He needs far too much exercise,’ Sebastian commented as he began to lead the horse out.

Kate was still following, like a young puppy eager to please its new master.

‘Do you ride?’ Sebastian asked, suddenly turning his attention to Kate, and he managed to control the smile of amusement that tugged at his lips when she coloured again instantly. Kate nodded silently in childish awe of the man. ‘Then saddle up; we can both go for a ride.’

‘Your bath is ready.’

The sound of Sebastian’s voice shattered her dream and Kate opened her eyes and nodded.

‘Thanks,’ she said, quickly lowering her long lashes over her eyes before he had time to read the depths of emotion in them.

‘Let me help you,’ Sebastian offered, moving towards the bed; but he stopped instantly as he saw Kate stiffen.

‘I’m quite capable of finding my own way to the bathroom.’

‘I’m sure you are.’ His mouth tightened. As he’d spoken a flame of anger had briefly flared in the normally ice-cool depths of his eyes. Kate glared back at him. It was always the same between them—a constant round of battles, and she was growing weary of them.

‘I can manage,’ she said. She wanted to be strong, to show him she could now do without him. She had changed in the last two years, had become self-sufficient. Had it not been for the unfortunate car accident, he would have never found her. She had a new life, and she had learned to cope, to accept the fact that she was no longer welcome in her childhood home. It had been hard but she had managed—without Sebastian’s help, without anyone’s help. Kate swallowed, trying to rid herself of any bitterness. It would do no one any good. Besides, she was home now; perhaps her father would finally accept her back into the fold. She sat up, pushing the crisp, warm sheets from her body. Her eyes dropped to her legs. How thin they looked. Had she lost that much weight? she mused momentarily, before urging her body upwards. She swayed slightly as she got up, the after-effects of the accident making her unsteady. Sebastian reacted quickly, instantly at her side, his arm offering an unwelcome support Kate pulled away. It was all his fault She was here, back at home, with no sign of her father. Sebastian had been wrong to bring her home; she had not been forgiven.

‘Leave me alone,’ she ground out at him through clenched teeth. The knowledge that her father hadn’t come to see her hurt her more than she cared to admit. Sebastian’s face darkened at her words, but he remained silent, viewing her with such cold contempt that Kate felt chilled to the bone, the heat of her temper evaporating under his steely gaze.

‘I don’t want or need your help,’ she scoffed.

‘Don’t you?’ Sebastian questioned, with an amused raise of his eyebrows as Kate’s body swayed slightly again.

‘No,’ Kate snapped back, but too soon; her legs suddenly gave way and, had it not been for Sebastian’s quick actions, she certainly would have fallen to the floor.

‘Kate!’ he admonished, his voice gruff and strangely at odds with the concern that flickered in his face. He swept her hair from her face, the rough hairs on the back of his hand rubbing against the smooth, soft skin of her cheeks. Kate felt an immediate rush of heat. His touch still held the same potent magic for her and the realisation made her feel dangerously vulnerable.

‘I’m all right,’ she said. She made her voice sound strong, hoping that it sounded like a statement when in fact it was a plea for survival. She was already weakening. Her female instincts seemed determined to betray her. She pushed her hand against his hard chest. It was a futile gesture, like hitting a brick wall. Her hand made no impact on his muscular frame. She stood up, moving away from him, aware of his growing impatience.

She willed her weak legs to support her as she made her way tentatively to the bathroom. She slammed the door behind her, shutting Sebastian out, then she leant back on it, desperate for the solid support it could offer her. Her shoulders sagged with the weight of despair and her knees buckled with fatigue. She didn’t want Sebastian’s pity, his brotherly concern, yet it was all he was willing to offer her. The realisation that she was still vulnerable to him made her angry.

She slipped out of her over-sized nightshirt and stepped cautiously into the bath. It was wonderful; the hot water, made silky-soft with delicately scented oils, lapped against her aching body, slowly massaging away her physical pains. But her lonely heart still ached. Nothing had really changed. She breathed deeply, inhaling the heavenly fragrance. The sweet smell of summer flowers made her mind drift back to happier times, as if drawn by a hidden power source that she was too weak to fight.

CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_7076a765-c96c-5e04-92f1-240a4caaffa8)

SHE was a young girl again, lying in the meadow, the summer grass high; the wild flowers were in glorious abundance, shooting up between the verdant green. The sun was a brilliant yellow disc of heat, burning on to her bare legs as she lay day-dreaming, heedless of everything except the fact that Sebastian was coming home. It had been months since she had seen him and the separation had been almost unbearable. He had been in America, working on Wall Street, but he had now returned to England, still working in commodities on the Stock Exchange. He came home only at weekends, keeping a penthouse flat in London for the week. Kate longed for those weekends, hating Sunday evenings, when he drove away, leaving her for another week.

She hadn’t heard him approach and at first she took no notice of the tickling grass that played across her cheeks; she felt lazy; it was too hot to move. Finally, as her hand attempted for the tenth time to brush the offending grass away, she reluctantly opened her eyes. It was like a dream, as if she had thought about him so much that he had suddenly materialised before her! He was leaning over her, his face tantalisingly close, and she lifted herself up closer to him, instinctively placing her soft, warm lips on his, kissing him with sweet innocence.

‘Kate!’ He laughed. She could still hear it now, echoing through her mind, teasing, mocking, cutting into her heart. He had not been offended or perturbed—or even aroused, she added to herself ruefully. To him, she was still a child. He had been blissfully unaware of the changes her body had been going through, while she had watched her growing development with daily interest, hoping with each swell of her tender young breasts that Sebastian would finally see her as a woman…

Kate slipped deeper into the soapy water till the water splashed up against her cheeks. How hard she had tried to become the woman Sebastian wanted, copying the looks and styles of the women-friends he had. That innocent kiss had been the first of many attempts to capture his attention, but it had all been in vain; all Kate had managed to arouse was her stepmother’s wrath and her father’s disapproval. She could still hear Clare’s voice ringing in her ears.

‘Really, Kate, you should leave Sebastian alone. Find friends of your own age,’ her stepmother had complained on numerous occasions, but Kate had ignored her, always ignored her.

‘I don’t want friends of my own age,’ she had retorted frostily, hating Clare for interfering.

‘Clare’s right, Kate. Why not invite some of your own friends home?’ Her father had supported his new wife, which had hurt Kate deeply.

‘Clare is right, Clare is right,’ she’d mimicked back. ‘Isn’t she always?’ she’d added bitterly. ‘As for bringing friends home, I haven’t a home any more—not since she came.’

Clare had flinched at her words but remained silent.

‘Really, Kate!’ admonished her father. ‘There’s no need to be rude.’

‘I’m going out,’ Kate had snapped back, heedless of his opinion and slamming the door as she left It had been a scene played out many times, till Kate had felt trapped in the role and unable to escape.

The thought of her parents made Kate begin to scrub at her body with the coarse loofah, as if in an attempt to rub out the past. She knew that was impossible; all her attempts to make amends had been disregarded. She was back home now—soon, perhaps, she would see her father again. The thought of being reconciled made her heart leap with sudden joy.