The Silent Cry: There is little Kim can do as her mother's mental health spirals out of control

‘Love you more.’

Chapter Six

Useless (#ua795b969-a622-5dea-b063-7dfce1291e87)

On Monday morning I was going to ask Geraldine if it would be convenient for me to pop in and see Laura on the way back from school, but she left the playground before I had a chance to speak to her. Laura’s phone call on Friday had played on my mind over the weekend and I wanted to just say hi to her and make sure she was all right. I decided I’d stop by anyway, and if it wasn’t convenient I could arrange to go back another time. I bought a bunch of flowers for Laura from the local supermarket and once we’d crossed the road I let Paula out of her stroller to walk. It was 9.40 by the time we arrived outside number 53.

‘Baby,’ Paula said as I opened their gate.

‘Yes, that’s right. We are going in to see if we can visit baby Liam and Laura,’ I said. Paula grinned.

I parked the stroller to one side of the porch and, holding Paula’s hand, pressed the doorbell. It was answered almost immediately by Geraldine, who didn’t seem unduly surprised to see me.

‘Laura’s up, but not dressed,’ she said rather brusquely.

‘Would you give these flowers to her, please?’ I said, assuming from her comment that it wasn’t convenient for me to go in.

‘You can give them to her yourself,’ she said equally bluntly.

‘Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude.’ But Geraldine was already holding the door wider for us to go in.

‘She’s in the living room,’ Geraldine said in the same terse manner and nodding down the hall. ‘Sorry about the telephone call on Friday. Laura wasn’t herself.’

‘Oh. That’s OK,’ I said, surprised that she’d mentioned it. ‘How is she now?’

‘Fine,’ she said, and led the way down the hall and into the living room. Laura was sitting on the sofa in her dressing gown breastfeeding Liam, and she did appear fine.

‘Lovely to see you,’ she said, looking up and smiling.

‘Baby,’ Paula said.

‘He’s gorgeous,’ I said. ‘Absolutely beautiful.’

‘Thank you. Hi,’ Laura said to Paula. Paula hid her face shyly against my leg.

‘A few flowers for you,’ I said, offering the colourful bouquet.

‘That is kind of you. Thank you,’ Laura replied easily.

‘I’ll put them in a vase,’ Geraldine said, stepping forward. I passed her the flowers. ‘Would you like a coffee?’ she asked.

‘Only if you are making one.’

‘I don’t drink coffee,’ she replied curtly.

‘I’d like one,’ Laura said.

Geraldine gave a stiff nod and went out of the room.

‘Are you sure you don’t mind me dropping by like this?’ I asked Laura.

‘No, of course not. I’m pleased to see you. I wasn’t going anywhere. Sit down, and thanks for the flowers.’

‘You’re welcome.’

I slipped off my jacket, took Paula’s jacket off and draped them over the back of a chair. As I sat down Paula scrambled onto my lap.

‘He is a beautiful baby,’ I said.

‘He looks like his dad,’ Laura said.

‘I can see you in him too. He’s got your nose and chin.’

She smiled. ‘Mum said that as well.’ Laura seemed more like her old self – the person I’d walked back from school with – quietly spoken, pleasant, unassuming and a little on the shy side. Liam stopped feeding and she began to wind him, gently rubbing his back until he burped. Paula giggled.

‘So how are you doing?’ I asked Laura.

‘OK. Sorry about last Friday. I nearly phoned back to apologize. I’d had a blazing argument with Andy, and Geraldine said you’d seen it all. I was in a right state when I phoned you, but I’m fine now.’

‘No worries. We all have family upsets.’

‘I suppose so. Although I’m rather sensitive at present and tend to take things personally and get upset. But I’m fine now. How are you? How’s the fostering? Geraldine said she saw you in the playground with a little boy.’

‘Yes, he’s gone home now. He was just with me for a day and a night to help out his mother.’

Laura nodded. As we talked we could hear Geraldine moving around in the kitchen and then go down the hall. Presently she came in with two cups of coffee and a plate of digestive biscuits on a tray, which she placed on the coffee table.

‘Thank you,’ I said.

She gave a stiff nod. ‘I’ve put the flowers in the front room,’ she said to Laura. ‘If he’s finished, I’ll put him in his cot.’

Laura wrapped the shawl around Liam and carefully passed him up to Geraldine, who carried him out of the room.

‘He sleeps now,’ Laura said. ‘Help yourself to coffee and biscuits.’

I moved Paula from my lap and onto the seat beside me so I could drink my coffee. She was still shy and kept close but pointed to the biscuits. I passed her one. There weren’t any toys in the room; I guessed Kim probably kept hers in her bedroom and Liam wasn’t really old enough for toys yet.

Laura took a sip of her coffee and then leant back on the sofa with a small sigh. ‘I guess it’s normal to feel exhausted when you’ve had a baby.’

‘Absolutely,’ I said. ‘I was. Up every three hours at night for feeding, and all the hormones rushing around.’

‘Yes, those hormones,’ she said with another sigh. ‘Andy says it’s the hormones.’

‘But Geraldine is a big help?’ I asked.

‘Yes.’ She glanced at the door as though checking Geraldine couldn’t hear, and then lowered her voice. ‘I know this sounds really ungrateful, but sometimes I resent her being here. I mean, I need her help, but I wish she wasn’t so bloody right the whole time. I guess that’s mother-in-laws for you.’

I smiled understandingly.