The Silent Cry: There is little Kim can do as her mother's mental health spirals out of control

‘Did you feel low after you’d had your babies?’ Laura now asked, looking at Paula.

‘I was very tired, but thankfully I didn’t get the baby blues,’ I said. She took another sip of her coffee but kept her eyes down. ‘Why? Are you feeling depressed?’ I asked.

She gave a small nod and set her cup carefully in the saucer. ‘Sometimes, then at other times I’m as high as a kite. Irrational and ridiculously happy. Do you think that’s the hormones too?’

‘It could be. Have you seen a doctor?’

‘No. I’m not ill, just a bit down. That’s why Geraldine spends so much time here.’

I nodded. ‘And you don’t think you should see the doctor or tell the midwife? They might be able to suggest something to help.’

‘No. I’ll be OK. I got over it last time with Kim. I guess it’s the luck of the draw. Geraldine never had it with any of hers, but my mother did.’ She stopped, as Geraldine could be heard in the hall and then came into the room.

‘You’re not overdoing it, are you?’ she said to Laura, and I wondered if she’d overheard.

‘No!’ Laura said, with the briefest flash of resentment.

‘I think it’s time you showered and dressed,’ Geraldine said to her.

‘In a moment,’ Laura replied. ‘There’s no rush. It’s not as if I have to be anywhere.’

I thought it was time to go. ‘I’ll be making a move then,’ I said. Geraldine hovered as I quickly finished my coffee and then returned the cup and saucer to the tray. ‘Thanks for the coffee,’ I said to her and, standing, I took our jackets from the chair back.

‘Will you come again soon?’ Laura asked, with a plea in her voice.

‘Yes. I’d like to. When is convenient?’ I helped Paula into her jacket.

‘Any day. I’ll be here. Every day if you like,’ Laura said with a small laugh.

‘But we do have things to do,’ Geraldine said flatly, looking at her.

‘What about Thursday or Friday afternoon?’ I suggested.

‘Yes, Thursday,’ Laura said quickly. ‘I’ll look forward to it.’

‘You can come to me if you wish,’ I said, putting on my jacket.

‘Best if you come here,’ Geraldine said. ‘One o’clock on Thursday should be convenient.’

I looked at Laura for confirmation and she nodded resignedly.

‘I’ll see you Thursday then,’ I said. I assumed I wouldn’t be seeing Laura in the playground before then.

Leaving her sitting on the sofa, I took Paula’s hand and we went down the hall. Geraldine saw us out.

‘Thank you for the flowers,’ she said before she closed the door.

I lifted Paula into the stroller and fastened her safety harness. ‘Baby,’ she said.

‘Yes, baby Liam is having a sleep,’ I said.

‘Bye,’ she said.

‘Good girl.’

I pushed the stroller down the front garden path and onto the pavement. I feel there is a fine line between assisting someone in a positive way when they need help, and completely taking over, so the person loses confidence and comes to rely too heavily on their caregiver. It was something I was aware of in fostering and strove to avoid. While I was sure Geraldine meant well in looking after her family, from what I’d seen she was doing far too much for Laura and had taken over, dominating her and making decisions for her. True, I hadn’t taken an immediate liking to the woman, but that may have been a personality clash. What concerned me now was that she appeared to have reduced Laura to a childlike state so that she relied on her for everything, and Laura was starting to resent this, understandably. I liked Laura – she was the type of person I’d want to be friends with – and clearly she’d wanted me to visit again. It was a pity I couldn’t persuade her to visit me on Thursday. I felt that not only would the change of scenery have done her good, but it would also have given her a break from her mother-in-law.

When I collected Adrian from school that afternoon Geraldine made a point of nodding in my direction but didn’t speak. I returned a pleasant smile. She left the playground as soon as she had Kim, and they were nowhere in sight when we began the slow walk up our road. At home I found a message on the answerphone from Shelley’s social worker, thanking me for looking after Darrel at such short notice. She said she’d spoken to Shelley that morning and her mouth felt a lot better now. I was grateful she’d found the time in her busy work schedule to let me know. Not all social workers would have done that and it was very thoughtful of her. Adrian, who’d heard the message, was also pleased Shelley was feeling better.

‘So she’ll be able to sing to Darrel tonight,’ he said.

‘Yes, I’m sure she will.’

With no foster child to look after, I made the most of any free time I had to continue writing my dissertation – when Paula had her morning nap, and also in the evening when she and Adrian were in bed. The subject of my dissertation, education and children in care, was a subject I felt passionately about, as so many children in the care system failed to reach their full academic potential. I was exploring the reasons why this should be so and what could be done to reverse the trend. It was a big subject, although one that had received surprisingly little research and had only seldom been addressed. I worked on my dissertation again on Thursday morning while Paula had her nap. After lunch I put some of her toys in the ‘baby bag’, together with her trainer cup and a change of nappy, and explained to her that we were going to see baby Liam and his mother, Laura.

‘Lawwah,’ Paula said, making a good attempt at pronouncing her name.

‘Yes, Laura.’

‘Lawwah, Lawwah,’ she repeated, and then broke into fits of giggles. I kissed her cheek.

It was a fine, sunny day, so we didn’t need our jackets. I let Paula walk down the street to number 53, but I took the stroller nonetheless. I didn’t know how long I’d be staying at Laura’s, so I wasn’t sure if I’d have time to return home first or if I’d have to go straight to school to collect Adrian.

‘Baby,’ Paula predictably said as I pushed open the garden gate.

‘Yes, we are going to see baby Liam and Laura.’

‘Lawwah, Lawwah,’ she said, chuckling.

I parked the stroller on one side of the porch, unhooked the baby bag and then pressed the doorbell, but no one answered. I waited and pressed the bell again. ‘She did say Thursday,’ I said out loud, wondering if I’d got the wrong day.

‘Fursday,’ Paula repeated, not knowing what I meant.

The door suddenly opened and Geraldine stood before me, looking uncharacteristically flustered. ‘I was going to phone you to cancel, but I couldn’t find your number.’

‘Oh. Do you want me to come back another day? Laura has my phone number.’

‘I know, but she wouldn’t give it to me – I mean, she couldn’t find it,’ she quickly corrected herself.

I wasn’t sure if I was being admitted or not. Paula stood beside me, holding my hand.

‘Well, you may as well come in now you’re here, I suppose,’ Geraldine said tersely, opening the door wider. ‘Or she won’t be pleased. But best keep your visit short. Laura hasn’t been up long.’

‘Oh dear. Is she ill?’ I asked, concerned and feeling this was the most likely explanation for someone staying in bed all morning. She didn’t reply, so I helped Paula over the doorstep and into the hall.

‘She’s in the living room,’ Geraldine said.

She turned and I followed her down the hall with some apprehension, not knowing what to expect. I sensed an atmosphere, although I wasn’t sure why. Laura was sitting on the sofa, gazing into space. I thought she looked pale and tired, and had possibly been crying. There was no sign of Liam.