Please Don’t Take My Baby

‘Then what’s she going to live on?’ Jackie said. ‘Babies are expensive and Ty’s not going to be able to support her. What sort of life will they have?’

I fully appreciated what Jackie meant: Jade’s life as a single parent – with no job and no support other than from state benefit – was going to be an existence rather than living. My first impression of Jackie – from the referral – had been that she was uncaring and irresponsible but that wasn’t so. She loved Jade, wanted what was best for her, but couldn’t offer much support as she was struggling to cope herself.

‘I know this sounds awful but part of me hopes Jade fails the parenting assessment,’ Jackie said, her brow furrowing. ‘Then the baby can be adopted into a nice home, and Jade can get on with her life. She was supposed to be staying on at school and taking A-levels. Did you know that?’

‘Yes.’ But while I could see Jackie had her daughter’s best interests at heart I knew that if she’d said any of this to Jade it would have caused an argument. ‘I think it’s best to take this a step at a time,’ I said. ‘At present I’m concentrating on making sure Jade has a good diet, enough sleep, and attends her antenatal appointments.’

‘Ty’s not staying with you, is he?’ Jackie asked. ‘Rachel said he wasn’t allowed to, but I know how persuasive Jade can be.’

‘No. The placement is for Jade only,’ I confirmed. ‘Tyler can visit; he was with us yesterday evening. But we’ve agreed he has to leave at eight o’clock.’

Jackie nodded and looked thoughtful. ‘I let him stay here,’ she said. ‘I thought that as they were going to do it anyway it might as well be here rather than in a park or down an alleyway. I told Jade to go to the clinic for contraceptive advice but she couldn’t have done, could she? I won’t be making the same mistake with my younger kids. They won’t be having their boyfriends staying, but I’ve always given in to Jade. With her being the eldest, we’ve been more like sisters or friends than mother and daughter. I guess I liked that but it hasn’t done her any good.’

‘It’s difficult being a parent,’ I offered gently. ‘We have to make all sorts of decisions, and we learn as we go along. It’s only with hindsight that we know if we made the right decision.’

‘You can say that again!’ Jackie sighed. ‘And I’ve learnt a lot from bringing up Jade.’

I felt for Jackie and I thought she and Jade should really make it up. They needed each other more than ever now. I also felt that I’d spent long enough with Jackie and I should now go upstairs and help Jade, who would doubtless be feeling neglected and that I was talking to her mother about her. ‘Shall we both go up and give Jade a hand packing?’ I suggested.

Jackie shrugged, just as Jade did sometimes. ‘She won’t want me,’ she said despondently.

‘Let’s go and try,’ I encouraged. ‘She’s had time to cool off and you don’t want to part like this, with harsh words spoken.’

Jackie wasn’t convinced but she got off the sofa and I threw her a reassuring smile. We crossed to the foot of the staircase and I followed her up. At the top we turned right and Jackie knocked on Jade’s closed bedroom door. ‘Can we come in?’ she asked quietly.

There was no reply.

I nodded an encouragement to Jackie. She knocked again and we went in. Jade was standing by her bed, stuffing handfuls of clothes into the suitcase. She didn’t look up but I had the feeling that some of her anger had gone. Jackie clearly felt so too, for going over she said: ‘Here, let me help you with that or it’ll all need ironing.’

Jade moved away to allow her mother to pack the clothes that were strewn all over the bed, and took some more of her belongings from a drawer. I saw she had a framed photograph of her family by her bedside and I suggested she might like to bring that. Jade nodded and Jackie packed it. Satisfied that mother and daughter could be left together and thinking they needed some time alone, I went downstairs. I sat on the sofa and after a while I could hear their hushed voices, not arguing but talking, although I couldn’t hear what they were saying.

Fifteen minutes later they reappeared, Jade carrying the now bulging holdall and Jackie the suitcase. I stood as Jackie set the case by my side, and she turned to say goodbye to her daughter.

‘I’ll give you a ring, love,’ she said.

Jade nodded. I could tell from Jade’s expression that she’d partly forgiven her mother but wasn’t ready to relinquish all her grievances yet.

‘I’ve told her not to worry about the kids,’ Jackie said, looking at me. ‘Margaret, next door, is going to help me out for now. She’s in her late sixties but the kids respect her. I’ll see if I can get my hours at work changed.’

I smiled at Jackie and then looked at Jade, who wore a blank non-committal expression. Jackie slipped her arms around her daughter and hugged her, and while Jade allowed the hug she didn’t return it. I threw Jackie a reassuring smile, we said goodbye and she saw us out. As we made our way back along the walkways to the car I thought that while Jade and Jackie’s relationship wasn’t completely healed, it was a lot better than when we’d arrived and I was pleased. I was also pleased I’d had the opportunity of meeting and talking to Jackie, and it had given me a better understanding of Jade and her life before coming into care.

‘Well done,’ I said to Jade as I opened the car boot to load the cases. ‘You did well. Life’s too short to be angry and you know your mother loves you a lot.’

Jade gave a small shrug just as her mother had; indeed they shared many characteristics and mannerisms, which seemed to emphasize how close they’d once been, and I hoped they would be again.

As soon as we were in the car Jade said: ‘Are we going to town now?’

I looked at her, puzzled. ‘Why?’

‘To get the key cut for your house. You remember, you promised.’

‘Oh, yes. It slipped my mind.’

And again I should have heard alarm bells ringing at the urgency in Jade’s request, but I didn’t.

Chapter Seven (#)

Testing Boundaries (#)

That afternoon, after we’d returned home from town and as soon as Jade had finished her lunch, she said she was going out.

‘Oh, really?’ I asked, surprised, thinking she’d want a rest after her busy morning. ‘Where are you going?’

‘To a friend’s,’ she said. She left the table and went into the hall.

‘Does she live far away? How will you get home?’ I called, mindful that Jade’s friends were likely to live close to where she had – on the other side of the county.

‘Not very far away,’ Jade called evasively. Then I thought I heard the front door quietly open and close, so I left the table and went into the hall where, sure enough, I found Jade’s shoes and coat were missing and she had gone.

I was a little hurt by Jade’s abruptness. I’d only wanted to make sure she was safe and had enough money for the bus fare home. I would also have liked to confirm a coming-home time, as it was dark by 4.30 p.m. in winter. However, I was aware that teenagers don’t like to be questioned, so I just assumed she’d be home in plenty of time for dinner, which she knew was at about six o’clock. I got on with some housework and also took the bag containing the maternity clothes I’d bought for Jade that morning up to her room, where I found her bed still unmade and the cases unpacked. She was supposed to have been unpacking them while I’d been making lunch. I left them where they were for Jade to do later when she came home.

An hour passed and then Rachel phoned to ask how Jade was settling in. I told her Jade was fine; that we’d collected her belongings from home and I’d had a chance to talk to Jackie. I said that Jade and her mother were now on better terms, and that after we’d left we’d been into town to go shopping and I’d also had a key cut for her.

‘So Jade’s out now?’ Rachel said.

‘Yes, she’s gone to see a friend.’

‘Did she say who?’

‘No.’

‘OK. I’ll phone later. What time is she due back?’ It’s usual for the child’s social worker to speak to the child within a day or so of the child being placed with a foster carer.

‘I’m assuming she’ll be home by dinnertime, which is six o’clock.’

‘All right, I’ll phone later or tomorrow.’

We said goodbye and I replaced the phone, feeling I should have been able to give Rachel more positive answers as to where Jade was and what time she’d be back. I knew that the next time Jade went out I needed to make sure I knew exactly where she was going and what time she’d be back, although that would be difficult if she just slipped out as she had done today. There wasn’t the same problem with younger children, as you always knew where they were and what they were doing. I knew I was on a sharp learning curve when it came to fostering a teenager.

When I collected Paula from school, the first thing she said was that she was looking forward to playing with Jade. I had to tell her that Jade wasn’t in right now but I was sure she would be back very soon.

‘Good,’ Paula said. ‘I want her to play with my dolls’ house with me.’

I smiled and thought that Jade might even be home by the time Paula and I arrived, but she wasn’t. And when Adrian came home half an hour later there was still no sign of her. Although it wasn’t late it was soon dark and I began making dinner, while listening for the sound of Jade’s key in the front door. I should have asked her for her mobile number before she’d gone out so that I could have at least phoned her and confirmed a coming-home time and that she was safe.

It was then I had a sudden flash of inspiration – a ‘light-bulb’ moment: I realized that Jade’s mobile number might have been included on the essential information forms. Leaving the preparation of dinner, I went into the sitting room and checked the forms in my fostering folder, but Jade’s mobile number wasn’t included, only those of her mother and the social worker. I wondered if Rachel had Jade’s mobile number; I would ask her when she phoned back later, but given she’d been trying to contact Jade on my landline I thought it wasn’t likely.

But Rachel didn’t phone back that evening, and as we sat down to dinner, without Jade, I was starting to feel really worried and also a little angry: with myself for not asking Jade for a coming-home time or her mobile number, and with Jade for just going out without telling me. I hid my anxiety from Adrian and Paula and said simply that Jade was at a friend’s and would be home later.