Girl Alone: Part 3 of 3: Joss came home from school to discover her father’s suicide. Angry and hurting, she’s out of control.

‘Do you need anything?’ Linda asked her.

‘No,’ Joss returned. I closed the front door.

‘I’ll see you, then,’ Linda called as Joss began upstairs.

‘Yes. Goodnight.’

‘Night, love,’ I said.

Linda and I watched Joss go upstairs until she’d turned the corner on the landing to go to her bedroom.

‘Do you want to come and sit for a while?’ I asked Linda.

‘I wouldn’t mind,’ she sighed. ‘I’m tired, but I’m not ready to go home yet and explain all of this to Eric.’

We went through to the living room. ‘Can I get you a drink?’ I asked.

‘No, thanks. I had one at the police station. They were very kind.’

We sat down. Linda took the sofa, and I one of the chairs. She looked shattered, and I too felt the weight of all that had happened that evening.

‘I don’t know, Cathy,’ she sighed, shaking her head in despair. ‘Joss made a statement, but I’m not sure if it’s strong enough to have them convicted. She was very confused and kept changing her mind. Ann and her colleague were very patient, but they had to keep stopping Joss to clarify points. I hope I’m wrong, but I felt it didn’t look good on Joss.’

‘Did she tell them all they needed to know?’ I asked.

‘In the end, but she was reluctant to say how she first met Zach and Carl, which they wanted to know. Apparently it was at Chelsea’s flat. I think Joss was trying to protect them all. As if they’ve done her any favours! I gather that flat is a right mess and has been raided by the police for drink and drug offences. The police seemed to know it.’

‘I wasn’t aware of that, but when I first went there I reported my concerns to the social services. I’m sorry I didn’t do more to stop Joss from going there.’ I felt even guiltier now.

‘It’s not your fault,’ Linda said quietly. ‘Joss can be very strong-willed when she wants to be. I wish she hadn’t changed her story, though. First she told the police she’d been at the flat all evening and that Zach and Carl had offered her a lift home, but then she admitted she’d been out with them all evening.’

‘That’s what Joss told me,’ I said. ‘I think she thought it might reflect badly on her if she admitted she’d been out drinking with them.’

Linda nodded sadly. ‘I hope the police realized Joss was still in shock and couldn’t think straight.’

‘I’m sure they did,’ I said, trying to reassure her.

‘When Ann asked Joss which bars they’d been to, how much they’d had to drink and who had bought the drinks, she kept saying she didn’t know. Ann asked if she was frightened of what Zach and Carl might do to her if she told the truth and she admitted she was. It took a lot of reassurance before she was able to give them the details of the rape – or rather, attempted rape. It seems from Joss’s description that – to use the term the police used – “full penetration” didn’t take place.’ Linda’s eyes immediately filled and she pulled a tissue from her pocket.

I went over and sat beside her on the sofa; I lightly rubbed her arm as she wiped her eyes.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘But the things I’ve had to listen to tonight. It was dreadful.’

‘I can appreciate that. But the more details the police have, the more likely they are to be able to prosecute.’

‘That’s what they said. They asked Joss to describe Zach’s underwear, and if he’d been circumcised and if he had an erection. I mean, Cathy,’ Linda said, turning to me, her brow creasing again, ‘Joss is thirteen. She may have seen her little brother in the bath, but she’s never seen an adult male naked. And we’ve never really talked about that sort of thing. I was going to leave it until she was older.’

Linda began to cry openly so I put my arm around her and comforted her as best I could. My thoughts turned to Lucy and Paula, of similar ages to Joss, and how absolutely horrendous it would be for them if they had found themselves in Joss’s situation. It didn’t bear thinking about.

After a while Linda wiped her eyes and continued. ‘From what Joss told the police, it seems Zach had had so much to drink that he couldn’t “enter her”, as the police put it. That’s when Carl said he wanted to have a go. Those were his words, Cathy: “Let me have a go and see if I can do it.” They were laughing. But when Carl began climbing over from the front seat to get in the back of the car, Zach loosened his grip on Joss and she managed to knee him in the crotch and get out. She ran into town and then caught the bus here.’

Tears streamed down Linda’s face again and she sobbed uncontrollably. I held her and soothed her until eventually her tears were spent and she couldn’t cry any more.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said, straightening. ‘I’ve had to be strong for Joss and it just built up inside me. I’ve always tried to be strong for her. I feel a bit better now, thank you.’ She leant forward and threw her tissue in the wastepaper basket.

‘Would you like a drink now? I can make a tea or coffee?’

‘No, thanks. You’ve been so kind. I’d better get back. Eric will be wondering where I am. Is it all right if I come round later this afternoon to see how Joss is?’

‘Yes, of course. Whenever you like. I’ll be here.’

‘Thank you. I’ll phone before I set off.’

‘Did the doctor examine Joss?’ I asked.

‘Yes. She also bagged up all of Joss’s clothes to take away for examination. Thanks for sending a change of clothes. I wouldn’t have thought of that.’

‘Jill told me, or I wouldn’t have known.’

‘She’s good, your Jill,’ Linda said, and then she stood, ready to leave.

It was nearly 5 a.m. I saw Linda out and closed and locked the front door. I switched off all the downstairs lights and went upstairs to bed for what was left of the night. Despite the turmoil of my thoughts, I was so tired I fell asleep quickly. When I woke my bedside clock showed 9 a.m. I didn’t feel refreshed, but at least I’d had some sleep, which would hopefully see me through the day. I could hear water running in the bathroom as Adrian showered, getting ready to go out with his father. Paula was being brought home by her friend’s parents at ten to join them, and Lucy would be returning a little later.

I hauled myself out of bed, put on my dressing gown and went round the landing to Joss’s room. I quietly opened the door and looked in. She was on her side and fast asleep, so I came out again. I went downstairs, fed Toscha and made a cup of coffee, which I drank while leaning against the work surface in the kitchen and gazing out of the window. The sky was grey and overcast, suggesting rain wasn’t far away, but the birds were busy at the bird feeder, which was always nice to watch. The bright golden marigolds and red geraniums were still flowering well, but I noticed the grass needed cutting – a job Adrian and I shared. Presently, I heard him cross the landing and go into his bedroom, having finished in the bathroom. I drained the last of my coffee, put the mug in the sink and went upstairs to bathe and dress.

At breakfast Adrian naturally asked after Joss and if she was hurt. I said she’d been badly assaulted and was obviously shaken, but I didn’t go into details. If Joss wanted to tell him, Lucy, Paula or anyone else more about it then that would be her decision.

Paula returned promptly at ten o’clock, tired from the sleepover but having had fun. She and Adrian were ready when John arrived shortly after 10.30, and I greeted him as I usually did with a polite good morning. Whenever Paula went out with her father she always wanted an extra hug and kiss goodbye from me. When she’d been very young and hadn’t understood the implications of divorce, she’d asked if I could go out with them, which had broken my heart and made me hate John even more for leaving us. Now time had passed and we’d all adjusted to the arrangements, so I gave her that extra hug and kiss and wished them a nice day out.

Once I’d seen them off, and while Joss slept, I set about some household chores. Just before midday Lucy telephoned and asked if she could stay a bit longer at her friend’s house, as her parents had invited her for lunch. They’d told her to check with me that it was all right and said they’d bring her home between three and four that afternoon. I said it was fine with me as long as it was all right with them, and reminded Lucy to thank them.

A few minutes later I heard Joss’s bedroom door open and I immediately went upstairs.

‘Are you all right, love?’ I asked, meeting her on the landing.

‘I’m going to have a long bath,’ she said.

‘That sounds good. Do you need anything?’

‘Could you bring me up a glass of water?’

‘Of course. Anything else? Are you hungry?’

‘Yes, but I’ll have my bath first.’

I thought it was a good sign that Joss was up and having a bath. I fetched the glass of water and then left her in the bathroom. She was in the bath for nearly an hour; I heard the water drain and then the bath refill. I understood she was probably trying to wash away the ‘dirt’ from yesterday and cleanse herself of the dreadful experience. It was a pity she couldn’t wash away the horrendous memory as well. While Joss was in the bath, Jill telephoned to see how she was. I told her she hadn’t got back until 4 a.m., had gone straight to bed and was now in the bath. I said that Linda had been very upset and was concerned about Joss’s statement.

‘Hopefully the police have enough to prosecute,’ Jill said. ‘Joss is going to need a lot of support.’