Mistletoe Mommy

“All right,” she said quietly. “I can agree to that.”

Luke let out a long sigh as he turned toward the church. “I suppose you’ll want a church wedding.”

“No,” Nellie said. “I would be happy visiting a justice of the peace. But there is your family to consider. What would be best for them?”

Luke frowned, as if he had already thought that far ahead and was troubled by the answer. “I don’t know. Ruby will be angry, because she feels as though she has taken her mother’s place. I told her I was considering taking another wife, and she doesn’t believe it’s necessary. She thinks she is running the household just fine.”

As Luke shook his head, Nellie gave his arm another squeeze. It seemed slightly inappropriate that they were behaving in so familiar a manner so soon. Yet Nellie found great comfort in a man’s gentle touch, a touch void of violence and with no expectation other than that of being a friend.

“Ruby is but a child. It’s not right to ask her to give up her childhood. She disagrees, but that belief comes from a child’s mind. The others...” Luke shook his head again. “Amos seems content enough. He fights with his sister because he doesn’t like her bossing him around. And he has a point. She oversteps, but there is no one else to be in that place. I keep thinking if they had a mother, they could return to being siblings, and maybe even friends.”

Luke looked at her and smiled. “Maeve is a delight. Sometimes it’s frustrating that she has no memory of her mother. But she needs one, desperately. She needs a woman’s gentle touch. A grown woman, not her sister, because a sister is not like a mother, and Maeve needs both.”

Clearly Luke had given this matter a great deal of thought. He cared for his children and wanted only the very best for them. Though Nellie’s reasons for marrying him were selfish, she could at least do some good here.

“I’m grateful to be allowed the chance to give your children the mother they need. It won’t be easy, because I’m sure the older two miss their mother dearly. But I hope you’ll aid me in keeping her memory alive for them and letting them know that a person’s heart is big enough to allow two mothers to love a child.”

“That is exactly how I feel,” Luke said. “But my children will take some convincing. Which is why I like your idea of simply going to see the justice of the peace. I don’t have any family to invite to a wedding, other than the children. I think the gesture will be lost on them.”

Then he turned his gaze to her, his face full of thoughts she hadn’t yet learned how to decipher.

“What about your family? Will they be disappointed at you not having a wedding?”

With a sigh, Nellie thought briefly about her sister. “My parents are dead. All I have is my sister, Mabel. But she is too far away to come for a wedding, and after my last marriage, I can’t see her appreciating our circumstances.”

That, and letting Mabel know where to find Nellie could put Mabel’s family in danger. When Nellie had gone to Mabel for help after Ernest’s death, Ernest’s men told Mabel that if she ever helped Nellie again, they would harm Mabel’s family. Given that they had already burned down Mabel’s barn, Nellie knew these were not idle threats. When Nellie escaped to come West, she promised herself that she would never again put her sister at risk. Though Nellie longed to see her sister again, she had no idea whether or not those men would go back to Mabel looking for Nellie. If Mabel knew nothing, she would be safe.

“If she ever wants to visit, your sister would be most welcome. Once our family is firmly established, perhaps we can go see her.”

Tears filled Nellie’s eyes. It seemed like such a small gesture, yet Luke’s willingness to include her family was almost a dream come true. Ernest had discouraged Nellie from spending much time with her sister. Even though they lived in nearby neighborhoods in St. Louis, Ernest always found excuses for the families not to get together. Granted, Mabel lived on a farm at the edge of town, but it was an easy ride and not too difficult a walk to the neighborhood where Nellie had lived.

Once again, Luke gave Nellie a tender look. “I know how hard it is to be so far from family. Even worse when your family does not understand your choices. Neither of our families approved when Diana and I chose to move West. But it was what we had to do.”

Luke appeared lost in memories of Diana for a moment. Nellie was struck again by the deep love Luke had for his late wife. But this wasn’t just about what Luke had lost. It was about how much more he was still willing to give.

“So it’s settled, then,” Nellie said, smiling at him, turning her back on the quaint little church. “We shall visit the justice of the peace and be married. Then we can return to your home with me as your wife, and I will care for your children.”

Luke looked at her. “Is it really that simple?”

“It does seem odd, doesn’t it?”

Though many people would make the argument that Luke and Nellie didn’t know each other nearly long enough to marry, sometimes time wasn’t what was needed. Ernest had courted Nellie for nearly a year, yet she hadn’t known all the reasons not to marry him. In these few short hours of knowing Luke, Nellie had never been more certain of a person’s character. With their hasty marriage, it gave Nellie a way to hide, but also a second chance at a life she’d always dreamed of living—that of a wife and mother.

When Nellie had come up with her plan, she felt guilty at the thought of attaching herself to a man who might someday fall in love with her. The place in her heart that allowed a person to fall in love was so firmly locked tight, it would never open. But with Luke, she had no reason to feel guilty. His heart was in no danger of becoming entangled with hers.

Briefly, Nellie thought about the men who were after her. She’d done so much to protect Mabel. Though Nellie was reasonably certain that they would leave her alone if she was married, part of her wondered, was she putting Luke and his children in danger?

Nellie shook her head. She hadn’t come straight to Denver from St. Louis. She’d traveled to several places looking for a fresh start. And then she’d seen it. The ad for Mrs. Heatherington’s Matchmaking Service. She’d liked Mrs. Heatherington’s descriptions of mail-order matches gone wrong. It was easy enough to lie over letters, claiming to be of greater beauty than one had, to possess qualities or characteristics that didn’t exist, and to so completely miserably represent oneself as to be perpetuating a lie. It had given Nellie comfort to think that someone would examine a potential match and weed out men who would not be a good choice.

And so, Nellie had boarded the train to Denver. She’d been careful in all her journeys, giving false names, wearing clothes that would make her appear completely unremarkable and even going so far as to purchase tickets under her own name for destinations she had no intention of ever visiting. Yes, it had cost her nearly all that remained of the meager funds she’d squirreled away and hidden in the hollow of a tree at the back of her former property. The house had to be sold once Ernest died. Or at least that was what the men had told her. When she’d finally escaped, the house appeared unoccupied. But she knew they would look for her there. However, the money had still been where she’d hidden it. So she’d taken her money and run.

None of the men would suspect that Nellie had the means for so much travel. But she’d been careful anyway. There was no reason she should ever be found.

Luke took a step forward. “We need to continue on,” he said. “I’m not very familiar with Denver, and I have no idea where we would go to be married. If we were in Leadville, I suppose I should ask Pastor Lassiter to marry us. But I cannot, will not, bring myself to ask for his help. I know he wants to, and I know he means well. Many say that he genuinely cares about my circumstances. But I also can’t help but wonder if he’s trying to help me out of his own feelings of guilt. He made the decision to send the ladies to the mine to serve the miners.”

Nellie squeezed his arm and smiled. “I do not know the man, so I cannot say. I hope you don’t mind, but I believe I will leave my judgment of the pastor until I have met him myself. I know you are not comfortable with the church, but it would be good for the children if you allowed me to bring them.”

A sad smile found its way onto Luke’s face. “Of course. I have been neglecting their spiritual education. Diana’s friends have asked me if I might allow them to bring the children to church.”

Luke’s shoulders sagged as he shook his head. “I know my children need to go to church. But if I allow them to go, people will see that their clothes need mending, and though I am not ashamed of my children, they will feel compelled to once again step in and help me. I cannot bear such a thing. I don’t want to hear how my home needs a woman’s touch. Or that this is no life for a child. I don’t want people questioning my decisions, telling me how I ought to be raising my children. Nor do I want their charity. Most of all, I cannot bear the weight of any more of their pity.”

How interesting that Luke was a man of such pride. Though pride was a sin, and Nellie often thought it to be a terrible flaw in a man, something about the wounds in Luke’s pride made Nellie want to hold him tight and tell him everything would be all right. Unlike Ernest, who had reacted with his fists when his pride was wounded, Luke seemed to withdraw into the shame and do everything he could to make things right on his own.

None of this was Luke’s fault. He’d lost his wife, and in some ways, lost his way. The grief would have to be worked out on its own. But Nellie could help with the other things. Their home would once again have a woman’s touch. The children would go back to wearing clean, neat clothing. They would be well fed and well kept, and everyone who saw them would see that the Jeffries family was doing very well indeed.

“You don’t have to bear that weight alone. I promise to do my very best to make sure there is no reason for such pity to be bestowed upon us. In the eyes of everyone else, you are moving on with your life. You’ve given your children a mother to care for them, and I promise to take that duty seriously.”

Luke let out a long sigh as they crossed the street. “Do you know how frustrating it is to be mad at God, to be so angry with Him, and yet want to thank Him for how wonderfully He is arranging matters for your family?” Then Luke shook his head again. “But if it were not for God taking my wife away from me, He would not need to be providing for us now. So how am I supposed to feel? It is still God’s fault that all of this has happened to us. I am still so angry, so hurt, and it seems almost an insult that He’s choosing to remember our family now.”

Anger vibrated out from Luke’s body. Of all the men she’d known with the right to be angry, Luke had the greatest. But in his expression of anger, he did not raise his voice. He did not get violent. Rather, he seemed to be filled with such a profound sadness that only the weight of his bones was keeping him upright.

“I can’t pretend to understand your level of anger at God. But I agree with you—it seems terribly unfair. I won’t always understand how your children feel, but I will offer to them the same compassion I’m giving to you.”

Luke nodded slowly. “I have never known such compassion. You do not understand what a gift it is to be allowed to feel what you feel. You’re the only person who hasn’t tried talking me out of my anger at God. I suppose some might see that as a lack of faith. But I think you know that this is between me and God. It is something I must work out on my own.”

He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. Gently. Not like a lover’s kiss, or even that of a dashing suitor. But something that reminded her of the warm kiss of her sister’s greetings. Comforting. Safe.

“Thank you,” Luke said. “Most of the time, I feel as though I am suffocating from the weight of all that I must deal with. Everyone wants to take it away and make it disappear, but it’s not that simple. You seem to know that. Instead, you are offering me a lifeline, choosing to walk alongside me and giving me what I need without lectures or judgment.”

“I am not one to judge,” Nellie said quietly. After all, hadn’t she done many things others would judge her for? Even as she stole a glance at the man who was to be her husband, her stomach churned at the thought of him finding out all of her secrets. Though she reminded herself that he’d been firm in saying he wanted a marriage in name only, the uneasy feeling didn’t go away. There was no reason for him to know everything.

But as they passed another place that looked a little too much like where Ernest’s creditors had kept her, Nellie couldn’t help but think herself a terrible person for hiding so much from him.

Chapter Three (#u3d7f5c88-2cb3-55cc-93f4-dfa2f100e961)

They took the train to Leadville a couple days later, man and wife. Such an odd thing, how quickly it had all happened. Just a few days ago he’d been a total stranger. But wasn’t that what they’d both sought? Mail-order spouses were also strangers, and Nellie would like to think that at least she and Luke had come to respect one another prior to their marriage.

Had she made the right decision? Nellie stole a glance at Luke, who seemed to be engrossed in reading his paper. Was he really the kind man she thought him to be, or had she misinterpreted the situation? Nellie pressed her hand against the waistband of her dress, where she’d sewn her coins. Though some had told her to sew money into the hem of her skirt, it was more comforting to be able to feel her money close to her. As she wiggled her toes, she felt the other coins, a secondary source of protection. If Luke was not as he seemed, she at least had enough for train fare. Where she would go, she did not know. But at least this time, she had a way out.

Was it wrong for her to have a plan in case things didn’t work out the way they’d hoped? Most people didn’t get married with such a plan. But most people hadn’t been married to Ernest.

Luke patted her leg. Then he pointed out the window. “Look! Leadville is just ahead.”

He craned forward, and if he could have stuck his head out the window, he probably would have. For the first time since they’d gotten on the train, a wide smile filled his face. Though she’d always believed in the saying “Handsome is as handsome does,” she couldn’t help but think he looked handsome, with his blond hair, blue eyes and infectious smile. Fortunately, his looks were not nearly as important as the other things that had drawn her to him. She knew better than to be swayed by a pleasant smile.

“I’m so excited for you to meet the children. I can’t believe I’ve been gone so long. Until this trip to Denver, I haven’t been away from them overnight.” With a sigh, Luke shook his head. “At least not since Diana died. Before she died, before we came to Leadville, I was often away, trying to find work to support my family. This job in Leadville gave me the chance to come home to my family every night. I can’t tell you how much it means to me to see my children every day.”

This man couldn’t possibly be a charlatan. Nellie smoothed the top of her bodice over her skirt, grateful the material was thick enough to hide the outlines of the coins. Hopefully she would never have to use them. Funny how life turned out. The whole reason she’d been saving this money to begin with had been to leave Ernest. But she hadn’t gotten the chance before he’d sold her. And then he died.