David Mitchell: Back Story

David Mitchell: Back Story
David Mitchell

David Mitchell, who you may know for his inappropriate anger on every TV panel show except Never Mind the Buzzcocks, his look of permanent discomfort on C4 sex comedy Peep Show, his online commenter-baiting in The Observer or just for wearing a stick-on moustache in That Mitchell and Webb Look, has written a book about his life.As well as giving a specific account of every single time he's scored some smack, this disgusting memoir also details:• the singular, pitbull-infested charm of the FRP (‘Flat Roofed Pub’)• the curious French habit of injecting everyone in the arse rather than the arm• why, by the time he got to Cambridge, he really, really needed a drink• the pain of being denied a childhood birthday party at McDonalds• the satisfaction of writing jokes about suicide• how doing quite a lot of walking around London helps with his sciatica• trying to pretend he isn’t a total **** at Robert Webb’s wedding• that he has fallen in love at LOT, but rarely done anything about it• why it would be worse to bump into Michael Palin than Hitler on holiday• that he’s not David Mitchell the novelist. Despite what David Miliband might think

For VC (M)

Contents

Cover (#ud81b6a59-cce5-5440-b654-c5a66e3171c3)

Title Page (#u4d783aa3-8f14-511d-a50c-149aea58324f)

Dedication (#ud07ee4c3-b92b-5c65-b1c1-ddbb7227320b)

Introduction

1 The Fawlty Towers Years

2 Inventing Fleet Street

3 Light-houses, My Boy!

4 Summoning Servants

5 The Pianist and the Fisherman

6 Death of a Monster

7 Civis Britannicus Sum

8 The Mystery of the Unexplained Pole

9 Beatings and Crisps

10 The Smell of the Crowd

11 Cross-Dressing, Cards and Cocaine

12 Presidents of the Galaxy

13 Badges

14 Play It Nice and Cool, Son

15 Teenage Thrills: First Love, and the Rotary Club Public Speaking Competition

16 Where Did You Get That Hat?

17 I Am Not a Cider Drinker

18 Enthusiasm in Basements

19 God Is Love

20 The Cause of and Answer to All of Life’s Problems

21 Attention

22 Mitchell and Webb

23 We Said We Wouldn’t Look Back

24 The Lager’s Just Run Out

25 Real Comic Talent

26 Going Fishing

27 Causes of Celebration

28 The Magician

29 Are You Sitting Down?

30 Peep Show

31 Being Myself

32 Lovely Spam, Wonderful Spam

33 The Work–Work Balance

34 The End of the Beginning

35 Centred

Picture Section

Copyright

About the Publisher

Introduction (#u04b57298-596e-5838-a99b-cfab9a8c8d06)

This is one of those misery memoirs. And it’s one of those celebrity memoirs. It’s also a very personal journey, a manual for urban ramblers and a weight-loss guide. Surely it’ll sell?

I realise the whole ‘Let me tell you about my pain’ thing is a classic envy-avoidance technique. What it’s saying is: if you envy me my interesting job, my relative affluence and moderate fame, then don’t. Because I struggle daily with a dark and terrible problem. With some it’s drugs, abuse, depression, the loss of loved ones, the terrible illness of a child – well, you can’t have it all, I suppose, and so I’ve made do with a bad back.

What do you reckon to that then, enviers!? Eh? You want to swap!? Ow, my back! You want to swap places!? Well go ahead, if you like terrible pain and misery, hardly assuaged at all by getting to be on TV! Eek, my poor spine! You want to take my place in the horror dome!? Ow, it’s creaking and spasming! Well, make my day! By which I mean life!