The World of David Walliams: 7 Book Collection

Chloe studied it for a few seconds. It was just as she’d remembered. The beautiful young couple, the Rolls Royce, the stately home. Only now, when she looked at it, she could see the resemblance between the young man in the photo and the old tramp beside her. “And that’s you in the picture.”

Chloe held the photograph delicately, knowing she was handling something very precious. Mr Stink looked much younger, especially without his beard and dirt. But the eyes were sparkling. It was unmistakably him.

“The game’s up,” said Mr Stink. “That is me, Chloe. A lifetime ago.”

“And who’s this lady with you?”

“My wife.”

“Your wife? I didn’t know you were married.”

“You didn’t know I was a lord, either,” said Mr Stink.

“And that must be your house then, Lord Darlington,” said Chloe, indicating the stately home standing behind the couple in the photograph. Mr Stink nodded. “Well then, how come you’re homeless now?”

“It’s a long story, my dear,” said Mr Stink, evasively.

“But I want to hear it,” said Chloe. “Please? I’ve told you so much about my life. And I’ve always wanted to know your story, Mr Stink, ever since I first saw you. I always knew you must have a fascinating tale to tell.”

Mr Stink took a breath. “Well, I had it all, child. More money than I could ever spend, a beautiful house with its own lake. My life was like an endless summer. Croquet, tea on the lawn, long lion days spent playing cricket. And to make things even more perfect I married this beautiful, clever, funny, adorable woman, my childhood sweetheart. Violet.”

“She is beautiful.”

“Yes, yes, she is. She was. Unutterably so. We were deliriously happy, you know.”

It was all so obvious now to Chloe. The way Mr Stink had expertly bowled the screwed up piece of paper into the bin, his silver monogrammed cutlery and his impeccable table manners, his insistence on walking on the outside of the pavement, the way he had decorated the shed. It was all true. He was super-posh.

“Soon after that photograph was taken Violet became pregnant,” continued Mr Stink. “I couldn’t have been more thrilled. But one night, when my wife was eight months pregnant, my chauffeur drove me to London to have dinner with a group of my old school friends at a gentlemen’s club. It was just before Christmas, actually. I stayed late into the night, selfishly drinking and talking and smoking cigars…”

“What do you mean, selfishly?” said Chloe.

“Because I should never have gone. We were caught in a blizzard on the way home. I didn’t get back until just before dawn, and found that the house was ablaze…”

“Oh no!” cried Chloe, not sure if she could bear to hear the rest of the story.

“A piece of coal must have fallen out of the fireplace in our bedroom, and set the carpet alight as she slept. I ran out of the Rolls and waded through the deep snow. Desperately I tried to fight my way into the house, but the fire brigade wouldn’t let me. It took five of them to hold me back. They tried their best to save her but it was too late. The roof fell in. Violet didn’t stand a chance.”

“Oh my God!” Chloe gasped.

Tears filled the old tramp’s eyes. Chloe didn’t know what to do. Dealing with emotions was a new thing to her, but tentatively she reached out her hand to comfort him. Time seemed to slow down as her hand reached his. This made the tears really flow, and he shook with half a century of pain.

“If only I hadn’t been at the club that night, I could have saved her. I could have held her all night, made her feel safe and warm. She wouldn’t have needed the fire. My darling, darling Violet.” Chloe squeezed his dirty hand tight.

“You can’t blame yourself for the fire.”

“I should have been there for her. I should have been there…”

“It was an accident,” said Chloe. “You have to forgive yourself.”

“I can’t. I never can.”

“You are a good man, Mr Stink. What happened was a terrible accident. You must believe that.”

“Thank you, child. I shouldn’t really cry. Not on public transport.” He sniffed, and gathered himself together a little.

“So,” said Chloe, “how you did you end up living on the streets?”

“Well, I was heartbroken. Utterly inconsolable. I had lost my unborn child and the woman I loved. After the funeral I tried to return to the house. Lived alone in a wing that hadn’t been so badly damaged by the blaze. But the house carried so many painful memories, I couldn’t sleep. Being there gave me terrible nightmares. I kept seeing her face in the flames. I had to get away. So one day I started walking and I never came back.”

“I am so sorry,” said Chloe. “If people only knew that…”

“Like I said on the televisual apparatus, every homeless person has a story to tell,” said Mr Stink. “That’s mine. I am sorry it didn’t involve spies or pirates or what have you. Real life isn’t like that, I’m afraid. And I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Christmas must be the hardest time for you,” said Chloe.

“Yes, yes, of course. Christmas is an emblem of perfect happiness I find very hard to bear. It’s a time when families come together. For me it’s a reminder of who’s not there.”

The bus reached their stop, and Chloe’s arm found a home in Mr Stink’s as they walked towards the family house. She was relieved to see that all the reporters and camera crews had moved on. The funny old tramp must be old news by now.

“I just wish I could make everything right,” said Chloe.

“But you are making everything right, Miss Chloe. Ever since you came and talked to me. You’ve made me smile again. You’ve been so kind to me. You know, if my child had ended up like you, I would have been very proud.”

Chloe was so touched she could hardly think what to say. “Well,” she said, “I know you would have made a great dad.”

“Thank you, child. Unimaginable kindness.”

Nearing the house, Chloe looked at it and realised something. She didn’t want to go home. She didn’t want to live with her awful Mother and have to go to that horrible posh school any more. They walked in silence for a moment, then Chloe he took a deep breath and turned to Mr Stink.

“I don’t want to go back there,” she said. “I want to go wandering with you.”

23 Plastic Snowman (#ulink_8db65953-c087-5e53-b30d-c4732e07df96)

“I‘m sorry Miss Chloe, but you can’t possibly come with me,” said Mr Stink as they stood in the driveway.

“Why not?” protested Chloe.

“For a million different reasons!”

“Name one!”

“It’s too cold.”

“I don’t mind the cold.”

“Well,” said Mr Stink, “living on the streets is far too dangerous for a young girl like you.”

“I’m nearly thirteen!”