Between Friends

I didn’t want to get married—like you, I had my own dreams—but at the time it seemed best for all concerned. So often in the years since, I’ve wondered what my life would’ve been like had I taken a different path. I’ve worked hard to be a good wife and mother to you kids, but every now and then I look back on the girl I once was and remember the precious dreams I held so dear. I married so young, barely sixteen, and it seemed those dreams went up in smoke the minute your father slipped the wedding band on my finger. Little did I realize then that along with everything else you inherited from me—your blue eyes and blond hair—you’d be stuck with repeating my mistakes, too.

Look at my life, Lesley. Is this what you want for your future? Six kids and a husband who has a hard time holding down a job? A husband who has a harder time refusing a bottle. I look at Buck and I see your father all over again. It seems so clear to me now. You’re smart, just like I was back in high school. Don’t you know how proud I felt when you were invited to join the National Honor Society? Don’t throw away your dreams the same way I did!

Lesley, despite what your father insists, the thought of you marrying Buck leaves me shaking with fear. Look at me, sweetheart, because I’m terribly afraid that your future is my past. I’m pleading with you not to make the same mistakes I did. Think hard and long before you decide to marry Buck. I’ll deal with your father and do whatever I can to help you.

Love,

Mom

May 1st

Nick,

Meet me behind the snack booth on prom night.

Jillian

Lesley’s Diary

May 5, 1966

I felt my baby move for the first time and it surprised me so much that I stopped ironing and pressed my hand to my stomach. In the last few weeks, I thought that light fluttering might have been the baby, but there was no mistaking it this time.

I don’t know what I’m going to do. Mom wrote me a letter and said she was afraid I was making the same mistakes she did and urged me not to marry Buck. I wish I was stronger. Not physically but emotionally. Everyone’s pressuring me. Dad and Buck are adamant that marriage is the right thing. More and more, Buck acts like we’re already married. Just when I thought I could go away and have the baby in a home, I learned that Buck had enlisted in the Army—without any of the guarantees that will keep him out of Vietnam. He did it for the baby and me. He loves me, I know he does. I’m so afraid he’s going to end up fighting in that horrible war and all on my account.

So many people are against the war. There’s talk of a huge rally at the Washington Monument protesting our involvement. Now that Buck’s enlisted, I can’t turn my back on him. Even if I found the strength to go away to one of those homes, I’d never have the courage to give up my baby for adoption. But I can’t raise a child all by myself. Even though Mom would help me, there’s only so much she can do. I already know my dad’s thoughts on the subject. I feel like there’s no solution to this. Whatever I decide will bitterly disappoint one of my parents.

I finally told Jillian about the baby and she burst into tears. I wept, too, although I’ve long recovered from the shock. She’s sworn to secrecy. She knows if anyone at school ever found out, I wouldn’t be allowed to graduate. Like everyone else, Jillian wants to know what I plan to do, as though I had a limitless number of options. Dear God in heaven, how I wish I did! She broke up with Scott and although she didn’t say why, I knew it was over Nick Murphy. He’s all she thinks about.

Lately I’ve been listening to the radio, just lying on my bed and staring up at the ceiling. The Beatles have a song, “Eleanor Rigby.” I’m beginning to feel like the girl in that song. Susan comes in and talks to me and we cry together. If this was happening to her, she wouldn’t listen to either Buck or Dad. She’s always been stronger than me. I told her that, and she stunned me by crying. She said she’d drop out of school and get a job and support me and the baby if I asked her to. I couldn’t, but I love her all the more for offering. The other kids don’t know yet, although I’m sure Mike suspects. We don’t talk about it. We can’t.

I saw Mom talking to Father Morris on Friday. I think she was talking about Buck and me. If we do marry, I want it to be in the Church. If I have anything to be grateful for, it’s that my parents didn’t kick me out of the house the way Mom’s parents did to her.

Jillian’s Diary

May 15, 1966

Prom Night

This had to be one of the most incredibly romantic nights of my life. Nick was waiting for me when I arrived at the football field and he was dressed in a suit, complete with tie and shiny new shoes. I was in my prom dress.

I lied to Mom and Dad about meeting Scott at the prom. They seemed a little suspicious that Scott wasn’t picking me up, but I explained that he couldn’t because he’s one of the King nominees. I hated lying, but they’d flip if they found out I was meeting Nick Murphy at the football stadium instead.

Nick set up his transistor radio and held out his arms to me and we danced beneath the stars. Just the two of us. He held me so close I could feel his heart beating. Even when a fast song came on, we danced slow, right through the commercials and everything. Neither one of us spoke for a long time.

After a while, he asked me what excuse I’d given Scott for not attending the prom. That was when I confessed I’d returned Scott’s class ring. I’ve never seen anyone’s eyes light up the way Nick’s did once I told him. It didn’t take him long to kiss me after that. Scott’s kissed me plenty of times. I’ve been kissed by other boys, too, but this is the first kiss I’ve felt from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. I think Nick was just as surprised. We both trembled afterward, and he didn’t kiss me again until it was time to leave. All the while we were together, I kept thinking how silly it is that we’re meeting on the sly like this, but I didn’t say anything for fear of breaking the mood. I like Nick so much, but I’m worried about how my parents would react if they knew I was dating him, especially my dad. He’s got the wrong impression of Nick. I don’t know how to convince Dad what a wonderful man Nick Murphy is. I don’t dare say a word, but I hate deceiving my parents like this. It’s even worse to feel that I need to.

The Class of

Nineteen Hundred and Sixty-six

Holy Name Academy

Announces its

Commencement Exercises

Saturday evening, May twenty-eighth

At seven o’clock

Pine Ridge Community Center

Pine Ridge, Washington

June 1, 1966

Dear Jillian,

You know I can’t stand it when we argue. You’re my best friend and we mean too much to each other to let anything or anyone come between us. That said, I want you to know I do believe you. If you say you saw Buck with some other girl on graduation night, then I know you did. But couldn’t it have been someone who looks like Buck?

I asked him about it and he claims you couldn’t have seen him. He swears he wasn’t with any other girl. He implied that you’re jealous and trying to make trouble for him. I know it isn’t true, but I also know you don’t think I should marry him. All I can say is that it must’ve been someone who looked a lot like him. Please, let’s put this incident behind us. You’re my best friend and I love you.

Lesley

P.S. I thought your Valedictory speech was wonderful. You did a much better job of it than I would have. I know it was our dream to be co-valedictorians, but that wasn’t meant to be.

Mr. and Mrs. Michael Adamski

request the pleasure of your company

at the marriage of their daughter

Lesley Louise Adamski

to

David James Knowles

Saturday, June 11, 1966

at two o’clock in the afternoon

St. Catherine’s Catholic Church

404 Mitchell Avenue

Pine Ridge, Washington