Between Friends

Again, I want you to know that I truly love the medal of the Virgin Mary you gave me. I’ll treasure it forever. It’s especially dear to me because it once belonged to your mother. Every time I miss you, I reach for it and hold it tight and am instantly reassured of your love. It’s on a long chain and falls close to my heart. That’s where you are, even though we can’t be together.

You don’t need to say the words, Nick. I already know how you feel about me because that’s the way I feel about you. I love you, Nick, heart and soul. I don’t care what my parents say. I don’t care what anyone says. I’m crazy in love with you.

I want you to seriously consider what I mentioned on New Year’s Eve. I know Pine Ridge is your home and where your dad’s gas station is, but at least consider moving to New York. Just think of all the money we’d save on phone calls and stamps!! I can’t imagine what life will be like without you for the next three and a half years. I’m not sure I can continue with school if it means we can’t be together.

Promise me you’ll think about it, okay? And write me soon. I live for your letters.

Hugs and kisses,

Jillian

January 27, 1967

My dearest Jillian,

Me move to New York? I thought you were joking when you suggested it earlier, but I can see now that you were serious. Sweetheart, I can’t. Not because it isn’t tempting—I’m here to tell you everything about you tempts me and has since the first moment I saw you. More than anything, I want to be close to you, but Dad needs my help at the gas station. Jimmy’s getting to be a handful, too. He’s fourteen and the kid needs his big brother around to keep an eye on him. Besides, my dad’s working out a deal with one of his buddies who teaches at Bailey’s Trade School to get me my mechanic’s certification. I’ll be taking some night classes. Seeing that I’ve been tinkering with cars since I was twelve, it seems a waste of time for me to go to some school when I already know practically everything there is to know about engines.

But there’s more to my decision than sticking around Pine Ridge to help Jimmy and to work with my dad. Me going to New York wouldn’t be right for us.

We both know what would happen if I found a way for us to be together. First thing, your grades would fall. You’re smart, really smart. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to believe that the valedictorian of Holy Name Academy is dating a hellion like me. The temptation would be too much for us, and that wouldn’t be good for a couple of Catholic kids who have enough trouble keeping their hands off each other. Feeling the way I do about you, I should be canonized! You don’t make it any easier, either. If you think your parents disapprove of me now, you can bet your bottom dollar they’d really hate me if your grades dropped and you turned up pregnant. The last thing I want to do is alienate them completely.

Talking about your parents, I’m going to say something I should’ve said when you were home. Don’t concern yourself with this business between your old man and me. I don’t mean to be a chump, Jillian, but he is your father. Looking at it from his perspective, you have to admit he’s got a point. I have a juvenile police record. Your father wants what’s best for you. It’s my job to prove to him that what’s best for you is me. In other words this is between your dad and me. Not between your dad, you and me. Understand?

In time, I’m going to prove to your parents that I’m worthy of their beautiful daughter. My dad drilled into me a long time ago that anything of lasting value is worth waiting for. You, Jillian, are worth waiting ten lifetimes for.

Another thing, and I know you don’t want to talk about this, but we can’t ignore it any longer. I registered for the draft last year and who knows what’s going to happen with that. My dad’s worried about it and he’s got enough on his plate without me leaving because I want to be with my girl.

I love you heart and soul, too. I love you enough to do what’s right for us, even when it isn’t easy.

Study hard. You’re going to be a terrific lawyer one day.

All my love,

Nick

P.S. God bless the families of Virgil Grissom, Edward White and Roger Chaffee. What a horrible way to die. When I go, I pray it isn’t in a fire.

February 4, 1967

Dear Buck,

I haven’t heard from you since Christmas and I hope everything’s all right. Almost every night the television is filled with stories about what’s going on in Vietnam. Two of the boys in Susan’s class have already decided to enlist as soon as they graduate.

Little David is getting big and sassy, just like his daddy. He’ll be five months old soon and already has a tooth coming in. I’m sending along a few more pictures so you can see for yourself how much he’s changing. He’s a good baby.

I know you don’t approve of my part-time job at the library, but the extra money is a blessing. You don’t need to worry about strangers watching David, either. Mom babysits for me. I’ve been putting the money I earn aside so I can join you in Hawaii the way you mentioned in your last letter. Don’t be angry about me having a job. I like getting out of the house and you know how much I enjoy reading.

Dad wanted you to know there’ll be a job for you at the mill once you’re out of the Army. He’ll make sure of that. You can be on the same crew as before.

Write me soon, okay?

Your wife,

Lesley

JILLIAN LAWTON

BARNARD COLLEGE

PLIMPTON HALL

NEW YORK, NY 10025

March 9, 1967

Dear Lesley,

It was great to hear from you. I loved the photograph of Davey with his one tooth. And I loved the picture of you holding him on your lap. You look radiant, like a classic Madonna with child. I’m so glad everything’s working out for you, and I’m glad Buck’s okay.

The news is full of Vietnam. I’m worried about what’s happening with our country. I don’t understand why we’re even there. My parents support the war. They say it’s important to wipe out Communism before it overtakes the world. I don’t know what I believe. I don’t want Communism to spread, either, but I’m not sure it’s worth this horrible war.

I’ve been so homesick all week and your letter went a long way toward cheering me up. I’ve been in the doldrums ever since Christmas vacation and the disagreement between Nick and my parents. Nick told me to stay out of it but it’s hard not to defend him. Speaking of Nick, did I mention he’s in trade school? Plus, he works long hours at his dad’s service station. Because he’s so busy, he can only write three times a week. I miss him so much. It kills me the way Mom and Dad act toward him.

When I asked to come home for spring break, they said no, that I’d be home soon enough. Can you believe it? They seem to think that if they keep Nick and me apart I’ll forget about him. Since I can’t fly home, I’ve decided to attend a protest rally and peace march in the city. Janice, my roommate, asked me to go with her. We’re making a banner that says MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR. Pete Seeger’s going to be there and Martin Luther King, Jr. and Benjamin Spock, the famous pediatrician. The crowd should be huge. Everyone’s already talking about it and the rally isn’t even happening until next month. I can’t go home, so why shouldn’t I attend a peace march?

Did I tell you in my last letter how Mom and Dad tried to fix me up with a friend of theirs? He’s over thirty! He phoned and invited me to dinner. Montgomery Gordon—even his name is boring. I don’t need to meet him to know he’s a stuffed shirt. I’m not actually sure why he’s in town. He told me but I’ve forgotten. I guess that tells you what I thought of him. Needless to say, I declined the invitation.

On another subject, I think it’s great that you’re working at the library part-time. Remember how we used to stay up all night to read books out loud to each other? I miss those times.

I’m lonely and miserable and I hate everything about New York. I never wanted to attend Barnard College. It was Dad’s idea. I’m nineteen and legally an adult, but my parents continue to control my life. Why can’t they accept that I’m my own person?

It isn’t only being stuck here during spring break, it’s Nick, too. I want to be with him, but the minute I mention his name my parents get all uptight. Dad constantly reminds me that Nick has a police record. Then I remind him that everyone deserves a second chance.

You’d think that after spending nineteen years raising me, they’d have some faith in my judgement. Oh well, crying on your shoulder doesn’t change anything, but it does help. You were always the one friend I could talk to, no matter what.

I’m so happy you’re finally going to see Hawaii. I know you and Buck will love it. You both need a little R & R. I knew you’d get to the islands sooner or later! Waikiki can be wildly romantic. How I envy you spending a whole week with the one you love.

Although it seems like forever, I’ll be home in June. We’ll spend lots of time together then, I promise.

Love,

Jillian

A Message from Southeast Asia

March 28, 1967

Dear Lesley,