Armageddon Outta Here - The World of Skulduggery Pleasant

“Tanith,” the young woman said. “Tanith Low.”

Scrannel charged at her again and she kicked out, slamming her boot heel into the piece of tin wrapped around his knee. He hit the ground with his insignificant chin.

Tanith ignored him as he rolled around in pain. “And I’m just guessing here, so don’t be offended if I get this wrong, but you must be Black Annis. I’ve heard an awful lot about you.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes indeedy. The blue skin, the nails, the cave littered with the bones of your victims. It’s all very impressive.”

Annis’s jaw dislocated with a loud pop, and her mouth hung open – impossibly wide – to accommodate her growing, jagged teeth.

“Why, granny,” Tanith said with a smile, “what big teeth you have.”

“You don’t know everything about me,” Annis said. “If you did, you wouldn’t have dared set foot in my home.”

Tanith shrugged. “I know that you’re under arrest, and I know you really shouldn’t resist.”

Black Annis laughed.

Scrannel forced himself to his feet and threw a punch, but Tanith struck his forearm with the hilt of her sword. The piece of tin that covered that section of arm now had a large dent in it. She kicked him and the corrugated iron that made up his chest-plate rattled as he fell back.

Tanith looked over at Annis. “I know enough. I know that sunlight turns you to stone for all eternity. I know that you’ve killed and eaten hundreds of people over the years.”

“Thousands,” Annis corrected.

“Well, in that case, you are doubly under arrest.”

“You shouldn’t have come here alone.”

Scrannel ran to the dark corner of the cave where he kept his stuff, and grabbed the wooden spear he’d been working on for weeks. He ran back towards Tanith and when he was close enough so there was no way he could miss, he hurled the spear and missed. It sailed past her, right out through the cave mouth. She didn’t even have to duck.

Tanith jumped and spun, a leg snapping out from nowhere and hitting Scrannel in the jaw. He whirled and clanked and fell and clanked and hit the ground and clanked, and then he lay still and didn’t clank any more.

Annis bent her knees, ready to spring. “Any last requests?”

Tanith shrugged. “Fall over and go to sleep?”

Tanith dodged the first swipe of the nails, but only just. Annis pressed the attack, forcing the intruder to retreat. Tanith, panic showing in her eyes, blocked with the sword, but Annis had both hands working, which was the equivalent to ten long knives slashing through the air.

A boot found Annis’s knee and she stumbled back and hissed. Tanith came forward, thrusting the sword high then sweeping it low, but Annis had anticipated the feint and the nails of her left hand connected with the blade and forced it down, while her right hand went to carve up Tanith’s pretty face.

At the last moment Tanith raised an elbow, striking Annis’s arm and making her miss, but the move meant that she had taken one hand off her sword. Annis flicked her left hand and tore the sword from Tanith’s grip. It fell between them, then Annis stepped over it, hands flashing.

Tanith stumbled back, desperately trying to dodge another few swipes. Annis’s nails struck the cave wall repeatedly, but she was grinning now, looking forward to the meal that was about to come.

Tanith kept moving, however, swaying just far enough so that the nails would miss and hit the wall. Annis was growing impatient, and Tanith moved in, punched her right on the nose, before moving away again.

Annis could see, by the skin of her hands, that she was at her bluest. She felt the anger build, and she let out a roar and her attack became a frenzy of slashing claws that hit nothing but cave wall. She rushed at Tanith, who leaped to the wall and ran sideways along it. Annis howled her rage and tried to reach her. But now Tanith was upside down, above her, and as Annis whirled Tanith jumped and flipped, landed beside her sword, snatching it up.

They went at it, sword against nails, and now Annis could see something new in Tanith’s eyes. The panic was gone, the desperation was gone, and Annis suddenly realised it had never been there in the first place. She knew, instinctively, that this had all been planned. But why? What could Tanith possibly have to gain by simply defending, and dodging attacks?

Tanith ducked under another swipe and dropped to the ground. She swung her foot out, hitting Annis in the back of the leg. Annis fell, tried to get up, but Tanith smashed a boot heel into her jaw.

Dazed, Annis swiped at where Tanith had just been, and her nails found nothing but air. She felt something tighten around her ankle, and looked up.

“What’re you doing?” she asked dully.

Tanith had tied the thick rope to Annis’s leg, and for the first time Annis realised that the other end of the rope trailed out of the cave. Tanith gave the rope a little tug, then stood up and stepped back.

“It’s morning,” Tanith said. “See outside? That’s sunlight, that is.”

Annis shook her head to clear it. “So?”

“So,” Tanith continued, “there’s a farmer out there on a tractor, and the other end of this rope is tied to that tractor, and his instructions are, when he feels a tug on this rope, he is to start driving, very slowly, away.”

Annis frowned. The rope was beginning to tighten. After a moment, it was taut, and Annis felt herself begin to move towards the cave mouth.

“You’ll turn to stone,” Tanith said, “for all eternity. You don’t want that, do you?”

Annis, her odd-coloured eyes wide, sat up and slashed at the thick rope with her nails.

“You’ve gone a bit blunt, I’m afraid,” Tanith said. “Striking my sword was bad enough, but that cave wall? That’s what did it.”

Annis squealed as she was slowly dragged towards the sunlight. She slashed again and again at the rope.

“There’s no way you’re going to cut through that in time,” Tanith said. She took a pair of wrist irons from her coat, and tossed them on the ground. “Put those on.”

“Never!” Annis screamed.

“OK.”

Annis attacked the rope with renewed vigour. She cut through one strand. By the looks of it, only another two hundred to go. She twisted around.

“Scrannel! Scrannel wake up!” Scrannel didn’t move. He snored gently.

Annis glared at Tanith. “You can’t do this! You can’t!”

“You eat people,” Tanith said. “I pretty much can, unless you put those shackles on and let me take you in.”

The sunlight was mere inches away.

“Fine!” Annis screeched. Tanith kicked the shackles over to her and Annis clicked them on around her wrists, the chain dangling. Immediately she felt her powers fade. Her skin began to lose its blue tint, and her teeth and nails shortened and her jaw relocated.

“I hate you,” Annis said.

Tanith nodded. “A lot of people in shackles do.”

“If I ever get out …”