Play With a Tiger and Other Plays

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: We might have known it.

SECOND LOW-LEVELLER: I’m not wasting my time talking.

THIRD LOW-LEVELLER: I’ll give you exactly three minutes.

FOURTH LOW-LEVELLER: And don’t imagine we wouldn’t use them.

CHAIRMAN: You don’t want to discuss Item 99?

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: We don’t want to discuss anything.

GUARDIAN: What do you want then?

SECOND LOW-LEVELLER: To have full representation in the celebrations tomorrow.

THIRD LOW-LEVELLER: The Ceremony of the Garlanding of the Door.

CHAIRMAN: I’d almost forgotten about that. We have a rehearsal in a few minutes, haven’t we?

GUARDIAN: Do you mind repeating that? You have forced your way in here because you want representation for Level 56 in the Garlanding Ceremony?

THIRD LOW-LEVELLER: Not only 56. All the levels beyond that too.

CHAIRMAN: But it’s not physically possible to have representatives from all the hundred levels. That was why it was arranged by the First Ones that the levels from 1 to 50 should represent 50 to 100.

GUARDIAN: But after all, we haven’t been faced with fifty extra people, only four.

FOURTH LOW-LEVELLER: It was never anything but a disgustingly unfair arrangement.

CHAIRMAN: Yet I see that you and your friend are happy to represent all the levels beyond 56. Isn’t that so?

FIFTH PRECEPT: Exalted Chairman, may I remind you that we are placed here because you decided that we were part of this – demand?

A DELEGATE: Conspiracy!

ANOTHER DELEGATE: Undemocratic and violent overthrow of Constitutional Government!

CHAIRMAN: Well well, I don’t know. Perhaps we of the upper levels have got a bit stuffy. I see no reason at all why Level 56 shouldn’t be represented at the ceremony. And they may start by joining us in the rehearsal.

FIFTH PRECEPT: Just a minute. We were arrested because you believed us to be party to this demand, or conspiracy.

CHAIRMAN: You haven’t been arrested.

FIFTH PRECEPT: Thank you.

[He and the other three attempt to leave the group of DOCTOR and MEDICAL ATTENDANTS, but they are forcibly restrained.]

FOURTH PRECEPT: We are being wrongfully held. On two counts. One, we knew nothing about this conspiracy. Two, it is now apparently not considered a conspiracy.

CHAIRMAN: Precept Doctor, we have not yet had your report.

FOURTH PRECEPT: There is no need of any report. We are all perfectly well.

DOCTOR: Of course this is only a provisional diagnosis, but in my opinion these patients are not fit to leave medical care.

FIFTH PRECEPT: We aren’t patients.

DOCTOR: There. Come now. Relax. Take these pills. You are getting over-excited.

[The two PRECEPTS, then the other two refuse the pills, as the DOCTOR threatens force.]

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: What’s wrong with them? Who are they?

CHAIRMAN: You mean you don’t even know your champions? Those are the famous Fighting Precepts.

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: Champions!

SECOND LOW-LEVELLER: I think I’ve seen their pictures.

THIRD LOW-LEVELLER: Liberals!

FOURTH LOW-LEVELLER: Vacillating temporizers!

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: Compromising timeservers!

CHAIRMAN: Well, well. And these are the people you have been fighting for.

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: But what’s wrong with them?

FIFTH PRECEPT: We are under medical care because we insist on discussing Item 99. Tonight.

SECOND LOW-LEVELLER: Never heard of it.

FIFTH PRECEPT: The Door is going to open. It is going to open.

THIRD LOW-LEVELLER: Oh I see, they’re nuts.

GUARDIAN: I do so hope that you young people are not unbelievers. For while I deprecate the emotional extravagance and wrongheadedness of officers like the Fourth and Fifth Precepts, I find it in my heart to prefer that to total nullity.

FIFTH PRECEPT: But it is going to open.

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: Well, of course it is. Who said it wasn’t?

SECOND LOW-LEVELLER: We’ve all been taught that in school.

THIRD LOW-LEVELLER: Whether we liked it or not.

FOURTH LOW-LEVELLER: I didn’t mind the Door lessons. I love those old myths.