I had felt his breath caressing my skin and my mind had created an almost indecent situation.
For a moment I wanted him to kiss me, feeling his mouth on mine, his hands over me.
I had just touched his chest, only imagining its perfection.
I felt a fervor inside, a craving out of my control, like a dangerous obsession from which I could not escape.
What's happening to me? Why do I think of him that way?
I watched Hanna out of the corner of my eye, I was dying to tell her everything, to explain what had occurred inside me in the last few days and ask her for advice on how to behave.
She was absorbed in her thoughts and dark-faced as she read the newspaper texts. I stood up and began pacing back and forth, took a deep breath and stood in front of my best friend.
«If I confess something to you, can you promise that you'll be listening to what I say, analyse the situation and just shut up until the end?» I said in bursts like a machine gun.
Hanna looked at me wide-eyed, stood up and grabbed me by the arms.
«You are having a panic attack! Sit down!» she ordered me alarmed.
What the fuck!
I thought incredulous in front of such idiocy.
I was talkative, it meant that I was not calm, that something troubled me, but nothing more serious.
«I am not panicking!», I objected, freeing myself from her grip.
«You're ranting. It never happens to you», she argued, putting her hands on her hips.
I sighed ruffling my tawny hair, it was useless to stall, I had to tell her.
«I might have a crush on Sebastian Winterbourne», I sighed in a whisper.
I closed my eyes and tried to keep my breathing steady and controlled.
«Are you out of your mind, Reb?»
Hanna's scream was piercing, forcing me to squint and shield my ears.
«How can I know? I find him an arrogant daddy's boy, haughty and brash. But he is also interesting...»
Hanna sprinted towards me and grabbed my face with one hand, peering carefully into my eyes.
«Are you under dose?»
«I'm not, for God's Sakes! Is it so wrong?» I replied, offended and sullen.
«He is a Thirsty, Reb! Are you having a crush on... a monster?» she hissed in a low voice, looking over her shoulder.
She was terrified.
«This is not a typical crush; I believe this is something more physical...» I paused, «I think I am attracted by him.»
Hanna turned to the window and after grabbing my old diary from the top of the mattress, she began to leaf through it.
She was so angry that she didn't even want to talk to me.
«Why are you always choosing the most difficult way?» she asked without changing position.
«Because it is me. Rebecca Janette Cross: rebel since I was born, curious by nature and… anarchist in the blood.»
As Sebastian said.
I fought back his thought that punctually was appearing gain, I could feel it, elbowing its way just to come back to my mind.
«Be careful, Reb. Keep always your eyes open», she retorted disinterestedly, turning to me. She was reading with a frown on something I had written.
I was about to say something when Hanna placed under my nose my outbursts as a child.
«Read it!»
“Today a girl went missing. They said in the news. My mom and dad got worried. They told me not to talk to strangers and not to go near the Winterbourne family. Sebastian doesn't look bad. He is a child who comes to school with me. He is always alone. "
I had completely removed those events.
Those thoughts of mine were written on the first pages of the diary. I was still a little girl.
My best friend pointed out the date I had written along the top of the page.
«18th March, 1998», I read aloud.
«Twenty years from now, ten since then», she commented, marking the newspaper articles with her finger.
Oh my God!
«You are a genius, Hanna!» I exclaimed with joy. I hugged her and printed a kiss on her forehead.
She drew back and put on a serious expression.
«Go three pages forward.»
I did what she said without saying a word, I didn't know what to expect.
“This is an unhappy day. A very bad thing has happened. Aunt Lily flew to the sky. There is no more. Josh is always crying and Mrs. Coleman too. It's sad when someone leaves. "
Aunt Lily.
Lily Coleman was the eldest daughter of Meredith and Lukas Coleman, as well as Josh's sister. She had disappeared at the age of twenty-three, involved in a brutal car accident.