Pride and Prejudice, a play founded on Jane Austen's novel

Charlotte

Your suspicions?

Elizabeth

Yes, there has been an arrangement in all this. Mr. Bingley has been kept away from Jane by – [Stops suddenly.]

Charlotte

[Looks up curiously, then speaks quickly.] Don't imagine any such nonsense, Eliza. A young man like Mr. Bingley so easily falls in love with a pretty girl for a few weeks – and, when accident separates them, so easily forgets her, that this sort of inconstancy is very frequent.

Elizabeth

We do not suffer from accident, Charlotte. A young man of independent fortune does not suddenly decide of his own free will to think no more of a girl with whom he was violently in love.

Charlotte

But were they so violently in love?

Elizabeth

Yes – I never saw a more promising inclination. Why, Mr. Bingley would talk to no one else – would look at no one else. Is not general incivility the very essence of love?

Charlotte

[Smiling.] It is usually a good test. But if Jane did not return his affection – It really did not seem to me that there was anything violent in Jane's attitude. I could never see that she showed any extreme affection for Bingley.

Elizabeth

[Hotly.] Well, I know that Jane was very much in love with him, and that she showed her affection as much as her nature would allow. If Bingley didn't see it he must have been a simpleton. No – the real trouble was that Jane didn't see him often enough, perhaps, to make her understand his character.

Charlotte

Oh, if Jane were married to Bingley to-morrow, I should think she had as good a chance of happiness as if she were studying him for a twelve-month. It is far better to know as little as possible of the person with whom you are to pass your life.

Elizabeth

[Demurely.] In some cases that is undoubtedly true.

Mr. Collins

[Appears at the garden door. He wears a wide-brimmed hat and carries a hoe – also a large basket. He looks in.] Ah! A very charming domestic picture! [Taking a bunch of radishes from the basket, he speaks to Charlotte.] My dear, I have found some fine early radishes. I thought it would be a graceful attention on your part to send some of these to Miss de Bourg. [He sits upon the chair near the doorway.]

Charlotte

I fear the apothecary might object.

Mr. Collins

True – they might not be suitable, but [Looking at them proudly.] they are very fine radishes. [To Elizabeth.] Miss Elizabeth, I am very successful in my gardening. I consider the work I do in my garden to be one of my most respectable pleasures. Lady Catherine is always ready to encourage me in it, and my dear Charlotte is ever willing that I should leave her side for the sake of this healthful exercise. [Looking at the radishes again.] It is, indeed, a pity that Miss de Bourg is not well enough to enjoy them. My dear Charlotte has doubtless told you, Miss Elizabeth, of the alliance which is in prospect between Miss de Bourg and Mr. Darcy. This extreme delicacy of constitution would seem to be the only bar to their happiness.

Elizabeth

Yes, Charlotte has told me that Miss de Bourg is sickly. She will make Mr. Darcy a very proper wife.

[Charlotte looks anxiously at Mr. Collins as Elizabeth says this, but he is gazing out of the door and does not seem to notice the remark.]

Mr. Collins

I hope you are pleased with Kent, Miss Elizabeth.

Elizabeth

Very much, Mr. Collins.

Mr. Collins

I do not think the kingdom can boast a grander scene than the one now spread before our eyes: [Pointing.] This garden – that park with Rosings in the distance. Do not you think my dear Charlotte is most fortunately placed, Miss Elizabeth?

Elizabeth

Most fortunately, Mr. Collins.

Mr. Collins

And when you have seen Lady Catherine, you will be more deeply impressed, I am sure. We can hardly expect her to call upon you. This illness of Miss de Bourg would prevent it, and in any case it would be an act of extreme condescension on her part; but I am quite confident that you will receive an invitation to drink tea of a Sunday evening with her, after Mr. Darcy and his cousin are gone, of course. And – we may later have an invitation to dinner – although I would not for the world arouse in you false hopes which may be shattered.

Martha

[Enters in great excitement.] Oh, Mrs. Collins! Lady Catherine's carriage is turning into the lane and she is in it!

Mr. Collins

[Rising in great excitement.] Lady Catherine – at this hour! What amazing condescension! [He turns in a helpless manner to Charlotte.] But, my dear, I am quite unprepared. My habiliments – I would not be wanting in respect. – What shall I do?

Charlotte

[Hurriedly putting up her work and giving her hat and gloves to the maid.] Go make yourself ready, Mr. Collins. We will do the same. [Charlotte pushes Mr. Collins gently toward the door.]

Mr. Collins

[Protesting.] Yes – yes! But this implement —

[He holds out the hoe.]

Charlotte

Give it to Martha!