Pride and Prejudice, a play founded on Jane Austen's novel

[Mr. Collins hastily gives the hoe to the maid and then goes out. He instantly returns, however, and again appeals in distressed tones to his wife.]

Mr. Collins

[Holding out the basket.] And these radishes, my dear?

Charlotte

Martha, take the radishes from Mr. Collins.

Martha

Yes, ma'am.

[The maid tries to hold at once – basket, hoe, hat, and gloves, as she stands in a corner, open-mouthed.]

Mr. Collins

[Again emerging from the door.] Do not make yourself uneasy about your own apparel, Miss Elizabeth; Lady Catherine is far from requiring that elegance in us which becomes herself and daughter – I —

Charlotte

[Impatiently.] Oh, do go, Mr. Collins! Lady Catherine will be here in an instant!

[She shuts the door on Mr. Collins.]

Elizabeth

[Greatly amused at all this excitement.] Are you going to make any change in your dress, Charlotte? Do you wish me to do so?

Charlotte

Well, Eliza, if you wouldn't mind, I should like you to put on your sprigged muslin. In spite of what Mr. Collins says, I know it would please him. I have no time to change. Is my cap straight? Oh, here she is. [To the maid, who stands staring, with her arms full.] Why, Martha! Are you still there? Go! Go! [She bustles the maid out of one door, then runs to the other, calling her husband.] Mr. Collins! Mr. Collins!

[She then rushes into the garden, followed immediately by Mr. Collins in the same state of excitement. Elizabeth, as she looks after them, is convulsed with laughter.]

Elizabeth

So, at last – her high and only mightiness! No tremors, Elizabeth! Now is the time for all your courage. [She runs laughing out of the room.]

[Sounds of voices are heard, and Lady Catherine appears escorted up the path by Charlotte and Collins.]

Lady Catherine

[As she reaches the door.] You keep too many hens, Mrs. Collins. There is just a certain number which are profitable – beyond that there is waste. [Lady Catherine sits on the sofa.] A clergyman's wife should set an example of thrift. You should have asked my advice.

Mr. Collins

Mrs. Collins will in the future regulate her poultry-yard according to your directions, Lady Catherine, if you will be so condescending as to give them.

Charlotte

Yes, thank you, Lady Catherine.

Mr. Collins

Will your Ladyship not take some refreshment?

Charlotte

Oh, yes – let me fetch you a cup of tea?

Lady Catherine

No, no – I wish nothing. [To Mr. Collins.] But you may go, Mr. Collins, and see if Jones is walking the horses up and down. I do not trust Jones.

Mr. Collins

With great pleasure, your Ladyship. [Mr. Collins goes out.]

Lady Catherine

[To Charlotte.] I thought you had a visitor, Mrs. Collins.

Charlotte

Yes, your Ladyship – I have. It is my friend, Miss Elizabeth Bennet. She is a cousin of Mr. Collins and a neighbour of ours in Hertfordshire.

Lady Catherine

I have heard about her. Fitzwilliam says she is a very genteel, pretty kind of girl.

Charlotte

[Pleased.] Indeed she is, Lady Catherine.

Lady Catherine

Well, where is she?

Charlotte

She has gone to make a little change in her dress, before presenting herself to your Ladyship.

Lady Catherine

Oh! very proper – very proper!

Charlotte