Pride and Prejudice, a play founded on Jane Austen's novel

No, papa. My Aunt Gardiner has written me that you are to give Lydia an allowance.

Mr. Bennet

Yes, one hundred a year. Do you think that any man in his proper senses would marry Lydia on so slight a temptation as one hundred a year?

Elizabeth

That is very true, though it had not occurred to me before. Oh, it must be my uncle's doings. Generous man! I am afraid he has distressed himself. A small sum could not do all this.

Mr. Bennet

No, Wickham's a fool if he takes Lydia with a farthing less than ten thousand pounds. I should be sorry to think so ill of him in the very beginning of our relationship.

Elizabeth

Ten thousand pounds! Heaven forbid! How is one-half such a sum to be repaid?

Mr. Bennet

That is what I should like to know.

Elizabeth

Well, my uncle's kindness can never be requited. If such goodness as his does not make Lydia miserable, then she will never deserve to be happy.

[Laughter and voices are heard outside.]

Elizabeth

Surely I hear voices. [Looking off.] Why, they have come. See papa – Jane – there are Lydia and Wickham.

Mr. Bennet

Yes, here they are. I will go to the library. I can receive their congratulations later. You know I am prodigiously fond of Wickham, Lizzy. I defy even Sir William Lucas himself to produce a more valuable son-in-law.

[He goes out.]

Jane

I must run and tell mamma.

[She is just starting when Wickham and Lydia enter. They are in travelling dress and are followed by servants bringing all sorts of bandboxes, wraps and parcels. They come in with the utmost unconcern and no shadow of shame.]

Lydia

Well, Jane, well, Lizzy, here we are!

Wickham

[Smiling and unabashed.] My sister, Jane – My sister Elizabeth.

[He kisses their hands. Jane and Elizabeth are confused and blushing. Neither Wickham nor Lydia is in the least discomposed.]

Lydia

[Looking about.] Good gracious! Here I am again! I am sure I had no idea of being married when I went away, though I thought it would be very good fun if I was. Why don't you take the boxes in, Harris? Wickham, have you seen my pink-flowered bandbox? [Looking over the parcels.] No, it isn't here. Oh, my dear Wickham, do go fetch it – you know 'tis the box with the white satin hat you bought me. I wouldn't lose it for the world. Go, go!

Wickham

Certainly, my dear. [To the girls.] You see how eagerly I embrace my new opportunities!

[He runs out, laughing.]

Lydia

[To Elizabeth and Jane.] Oh, girls, I am dying to give you an account of my wedding.

Elizabeth

I think there cannot be too little said on that subject.

Lydia

La, you are so strange. But Jane wants to hear, I know. Anyway, I want to tell you. Well, there was such a fuss! My aunt was preaching and talking away to me all the time I was dressing, just as if she was reading a sermon. I didn't hear one word in ten of it all. I was thinking of my dear Wickham. I longed to know whether he would be married in his blue coat. Well, we got to church, and then my uncle gave me a fright after we got there, because he was so late, and he was going to give me away, you know. But then, if he hadn't come, Mr. Darcy might have done as well.

Jane and Elizabeth

Mr. Darcy!

Lydia

Oh, yes, Darcy was there. He came along with Wickham. [Suddenly stopping.] But gracious me! I quite forgot. I ought not to have said a word about it. I promised them as faithfully – what will Wickham say? It was to be such a secret.

Jane

If it was to be a secret, Lydia, say not another word on the subject. We shall ask you no questions.

[Elizabeth looks most anxious, but says nothing.]

Lydia

Thank you – for if you did, I should certainly tell you all, and then Wickham would be angry. [She sees Mrs. Bennet, who enters in great excitement from the house.] Oh, there is mamma.

[They rush into each other's arms. Wickham returns at about the same time.]

Mrs. Bennet

Oh, my dear, dear Lydia! [To Wickham with affectionate warmth.] My dear Wickham!