Eugene Aram — Complete

Now the Corporal loved this creature better, yes better than any thing in the world, except travelling and board-wages; and he was sorely perplexed in his mind how he should be able to dispose of her safely in his absence. He was aware of the general enmity she had inspired, and trembled to anticipate its probable result, when he was no longer by to afford her shelter and protection. The Squire had, indeed, offered her an asylum at the manor-house; but the Squire’s cook was the cat’s most embittered enemy; and who can answer for the peaceable behaviour of his cook? The Corporal, therefore, with a reluctant sigh, renounced the friendly offer, and after lying awake three nights, and turning over in his own mind the characters, consciences, and capabilities of all his neighbours, he came at last to the conviction that there was no one with whom he could so safely entrust his cat as Peter Dealtry. It is true, as we said before, that Peter was no lover of cats, and the task of persuading him to afford board and lodging to a cat, of all cats the most odious and malignant, was therefore no easy matter. But to a man of the world, what intrigue is impossible?

The finest diplomatist in Europe might have taken a lesson from the Corporal, as he now proceeded earnestly towards the accomplishment of his project.

He took the cat, which by the by we forgot to say that he had thought fit to christen after himself, and to honour with a name, somewhat lengthy for a cat, (but indeed this was no ordinary cat!) viz. Jacobina. He took Jacobina then, we say, upon his lap, and stroking her brindled sides with great tenderness, he bade Dealtry remark how singularly quiet the animal was in its manners. Nay, he was not contented until Peter himself had patted her with a timorous hand, and had reluctantly submitted the said hand to the honour of being licked by the cat in return. Jacobina, who, to do her justice, was always meek enough in the presence, and at the will, of her master, was, fortunately this day, on her very best behaviour.

“Them dumb animals be mighty grateful,” quoth the Corporal.

“Ah!” rejoined Peter, wiping his hand with his pocket handkerchief.

“But, Lord! what scandal there be in the world!”

“‘Though slander’s breath may raise a storm, It quickly does decay!’” muttered Peter.

“Very well, very true; sensible verses those,” said the Corporal, approvingly; “and yet mischief’s often done before the amends come. Body o’ me, it makes a man sick of his kind, ashamed to belong to the race of men, to see the envy that abounds in this here sublunary wale of tears!” said the Corporal, lifting up his eyes.

Peter stared at him with open mouth; the hypocritical rascal continued, after a pause,—

“Now there’s Jacobina, ‘cause she’s a good cat, a faithful servant, the whole village is against her: such lies as they tell on her, such wappers, you’d think she was the devil in garnet! I grant, I grant,” added the Corporal, in a tone of apologetic candour, “that she’s wild, saucy, knows her friends from her foes, steals Goody Solomon’s butter; but what then? Goody Solomon’s d—d b—h! Goody Solomon sold beer in opposition to you, set up a public;—you do not like Goody Solomons, Peter Dealtry?”

“If that were all Jacobina had done!” said the landlord, grinning.

“All! what else did she do? Why she eat up John Tomkins’s canary-bird; and did not John Tomkins, saucy rascal, say you could not sing better nor a raven?”

“I have nothing to say against the poor creature for that,” said Peter, stroking the cat of his own accord. “Cats will eat birds, ‘tis the ‘spensation of Providence. But what! Corporal!” and Peter hastily withdrawing his hand, hurried it into his breeches pocket—“but what! did not she scratch Joe Webster’s little boy’s hand into ribbons, because the boy tried to prevent her running off with a ball of string?”

“And well,” grunted the Corporal, “that was not Jacobina’s doing, that was my doing. I wanted the string—offered to pay a penny for it—think of that!”

“It was priced three pence ha’penny,” said Peter.

“Augh—baugh! you would not pay Joe Webster all he asks! What’s the use of being a man of the world, unless one makes one’s tradesmen bate a bit? Bargaining is not cheating, I hope?”

“God forbid!” said Peter.

“But as to the bit string, Jacobina took it solely for your sake. Ah, she did not think you were to turn against her!”

So saying, the Corporal, got up, walked into his house, and presently came back with a little net in his hand.

“There, Peter, net for you, to hold lemons. Thank Jacobina for that; she got the string. Says I to her one day, as I was sitting, as I might be now, without the door, ‘Jacobina, Peter Dealtry’s a good fellow, and he keeps his lemons in a bag: bad habit,—get mouldy,—we’ll make him a net: and Jacobina purred, (stroke the poor creature, Peter!)—so Jacobina and I took a walk, and when we came to Joe Webster’s I pointed out the ball o’twine to her. So, for your sake, Peter, she got into this here scrape—augh.”

“Ah!” quoth Peter laughing, “poor Puss! poor Pussy! poor little Pussy!”

“And now, Peter,” said the Corporal, taking his friend’s hand, “I am going to prove friendship to you—going to do you great favour.”

“Aha!” said Peter, “my good friend, I’m very much obliged to you. I know your kind heart, but I really don’t want any”—

“Bother!” cried the Corporal, “I’m not the man as makes much of doing a friend a kindness. Hold jaw! tell you what,—tell you what: am going away on Wednesday at day-break, and in my absence you shall—”

“What? my good Corporal.”

“Take charge of Jacobina!”

“Take charge of the devil!” cried Peter.

“Augh!—baugh!—what words are those? Listen to me.”

“I won’t!”

“You shall!”

“I’ll be d—d if I do!” quoth Peter sturdily. It was the first time he had been known to swear since he was parish clerk.

“Very well, very well!” said the Corporal chucking up his chin, “Jacobina can take care of herself! Jacobina knows her friends and her foes as well as her master! Jacobina never injures her friends, never forgives foes. Look to yourself! look to yourself! insult my cat, insult me! Swear at Jacobina, indeed!”

“If she steals my cream!” cried Peter—

“Did she ever steal your cream?”

“No! but, if—”

“Did she ever steal your cream?”

“I can’t say she ever did.”

“Or any thing else of yours?”

“Not that I know of; but—”

“Never too late to mend.”

“If—”

“Will you listen to me, or not?”

“Well.”

“You’ll listen?”

“Yes.”

“Know then, that I wanted to do you kindness.”

“Humph!”

“Hold jaw! I taught Jacobina all she knows.”

“More’s the pity!”

“Hold jaw! I taught her to respect her friends,—never to commit herself in doors—never to steal at home—never to fly at home—never to scratch at home—to kill mice and rats—to bring all she catches to her master—to do what he tells her—and to defend his house as well as a mastiff: and this invaluable creature I was going to lend you:—won’t now, d—d if I do!”