The Bee's Bayonet (a Little Honey and a Little Sting)

MARY IS MERRY NO MORE

The Lamb that accompanied Mary
Without aid of cudgel or rope,
Was raised by her sire Elder Berry,
And washed with dioxygen soap.

Its fleece, like the linen-spread table,
Was snow-white: the lambkin was prized
And kept from the sheep in the stable
Who never were deodorized.

The lamb had a yearning for knowledge,
And schoolward would follow the lass
Till she was admitted to college,
A graduate out of his class.

Then sheep-eyes were made by the teacher,
And Mary was quick to decide
'Twixt him and the poor, woolly creature
Who made lambentations and died.

She married her Teacher,—a lesson!
Dyspeptic and old, he's a fright!
Her thoughts fail of fitting expression,
So she lams her own kids just for spite.
She looks at her spouse with deep loathing,
And sighs for her dead quadruped,
And wishes the "wolf in sheep's clothing"—

Her husband, were dead in his stead.
Alas, lass! You've forded the ferry;
Your tombstone was graven for two;
The lamb, chiseled there, stands for Mary,
And the Old English Mary for yew.
The lamb reached the end of his tether
When Mary ascended on High,
But surely, in spite of the wether,
They'll meet in the Sweet Bye-and-Bye.

I SHOT AN ARROW

I shot an arrow: how it sang!
It was a poisoned arrow!
And when it turned, a boomerang,
It chilled me to the marrow.

I know not where the arrow struck,
And care but little whether
It came straight back or ran amuck
Upon the near-by heather.

But this I know; however fast
The arrow homeward scurried,
My getaway was unsurpassed—
For, Goodness, how I hurried!

FIXING THE BLAME

The almost-King of Verdun, still uncrowned,
Wearied of driving, walked the ramparts 'round
To see his father, Mr. William Kaiser,
Who was to him an Oracle and wiser.
"O Sire! Inform me! Tell your first-born son,
Who caused the War, and why it was begun?
Who slipped the leash, and what was the excuse
For turning Europe's rabid War Dogs loose?
Did you? Or was it Cousin George, or Nick
Who stacked the cards and played the dirty trick?
Or was it Joe, or Ferdinand, or Grey
Who sawed the bridge and pulled the props away?"

"My Son, I swear by all the periscopes
And Zeppelins to which I pin my hopes;
By all the Ocean Sharks and Bats a-sky,
By Gott-in-Himmel! As I hope to die,
I'm not to blame! I didn't use the spurs,
Or try to overwork Geographers!
I fought for Peace, and ne'er defiance hurled,
Altho' the Fatherland should rule the world.
But here's the truth: a secret I'll disclose!
A stranger 'twas who made us come to blows!
It happened thus: a mighty Nimrod came
From Afric wilds, where he had played the game
Until his cudgel bore a hundred nicks,
(A record this for all Prodigious Sticks)
To Germany. No pussyfoot was his,
But there was courage in his Nobel phiz;
And in his stride were energy and grace
Enough to make the goose-step commonplace.
I took him to my Palace, as my guest,
And poured libations from the cellar's best,
(He was a certified non-drinker—See?
So just accord this proper secrecy!)
And then arranged to hold a Grand Review
Of all my Armies and Reservists too.
'De-lighted!' said my guest, and nothing more,
As we reviewed my legions corps by corps;
But this blunt comment signified his zeal,
And so I mobilized my fleet at Kiel;