Crazy For You

“So what else would I have to do?” She sat up straight in her chair, poised and ready to take the challenge.

“Well, it’s just… You see, I told Mum…” Eddie looked away again.

“Go on…”

“Well, I sort of told Mum I had a girlfriend.”

“You what?”

Eddie knew he had only one chance at selling this fantastic, but crazy idea to Daisy so he just spat the rest of it out.

“…and she was delighted. Over the moon. In fact, it made her day. It made the rest of her life, to be honest. Daisy, I told her that you… are my girlfriend.”

Daisy’s mouth fell open. She couldn’t speak. She should be in Spain now, but instead she was here in Belfast listening to the most ridiculous thing she’d ever heard. She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. She should be on the beach drinking sangria with Lorna and eyeing up gorgeous lifeguards and meeting ugly sea creatures face to face under water. Not putting on a façade for her gay friend and his poor dying mother.

“And…,” said Eddie, quickening the pace of his speech into a wild gallop. “I sort of told her, that we were… that I was going to ask you to marry me.”

Daisy sunk into the sofa and stared dizzily at the blond bombshell in front of her, whose eyes were shut tightly in preparation for her response.

“Oh, this is crazy. Get me another glass of wine, you absolute shit,” she said through clenched teeth.

“Anything you say, Daisy. I swear. If you do this for me I’ll be your slave forever.”

Eddie fumbled around the tiny kitchen until he found the fridge and then glugged some more wine into Daisy’s glass.

“You see,” he continued as Daisy stared at the floor. “Mum really wants me and Jonathan to each settle down with a wife and children and it would make her so happy if she thought I was at least going in the right direction.”

Daisy tried her best to let Eddie’s crazy notion sink in. She’d imagined being asked to accompany himself and his mother on a luxurious weekend at a health spa, or asked to take her swimming with dolphins, or go skydiving just so he could try it out himself, but this? This was downright mental. Could they really pull it off?

Her own mum would be admitted to a nearby clinic with shock. And Lorna would think she’d finally lost her marbles, with no hope of ever retrieving them. As for Jonathan? Well, his reaction could go any which way but it wouldn’t be pretty. It would look like she was deliberately driving that final nail into the coffin of their dead and buried relationship.

Eddie paced the apartment’s shiny floor in anticipation of Daisy’s response. She sat there in silence, her face twitching in thought, so obviously weighing up the pros, if there were any, and cons of the situation. Anything was better than an outright no, he supposed.

“Well?” he asked eventually. “It’s quite simple really, isn’t it? You are a trained actress after all.’

“Simple? Is it now, Einstein? For your information I gave up acting two months ago in order to enter the real world and sell shoes so I can pay my bills. It’s about time you stood on planet Earth yourself.”

Eddie wasn’t listening. “So, so simple,” he said. “And from what I can see, you’re all packed and ready to go. Say something, Daisy. Say yes.”

Daisy smirked back at him and her suitcase caught her eye from the hallway. It was smirking too. She stuck out her tongue at it.

Minus the bikinis and plus a few woolly jumpers, she was just about ready to go. Somehow, she didn’t think she’d have any need for skimpy swimwear in the back end of Donegal.

“I must be crazy. I must be stark-raving mental to even contemplate this…”

“You beauty! I knew you would. I just knew it…”

“Just for one week, though. After that, we’re finished. Split up. Over forever. Deal?” she said in a muffled voice as Eddie hugged her with delight on the sofa.

“Deal!” said Eddie. “I’ll make it up to you. I’ll take you on a super-duper holiday, all expenses paid…”

“Now you’re talking.”

“And shopping! I’ll take you shopping till you drop.”

“I hate shopping.”

“That’s right. No shopping then. Eating then. Lots of eating out, every single night for as long as you want.”

The grin on Eddie’s face would have made anyone smile.

But Daisy didn’t smile. She burst into hysterical laughter at the thought of the sheer madness she was about to allow into her life. Going home to village life in Donegal as the girlfriend of a man that everyone, apart from his mother, knew was gay. Facing sniggers from nosy neighbours and country cousins who had never ventured out of their comfortable village boundaries. Had she totally lost the plot?

Sod it. It would be fun, if nothing else. It wasn’t as if she lived there anymore, and her mother would understand. She would have to tell her the truth from the outset, of course.

“Can I just make one teeny weeny suggestion?”

“OMG, what is it now?”

“That, er, red thing you’re wearing … ”

“Yes? It’s my favourite dressing gown. I’m going to change out of it now, don’t worry. Why?

Eddie fingered the bally, fleecy texture of the robe and then let go in mock disgust.

“It’s just that, I don’t think there’s too much room left in your suitcase for it,” he said. “And my hired car is very small. You’re just going to have to leave it behind.”

Daisy sashayed along the narrow corridor and back towards him, swinging the fabric so that it brushed across his designer stubble.

“Christ, you’re naked underneath!” squealed Eddie. “Don’t do that! Get dressed!”

“I could turn you yet, my boy,” said Daisy, raising an eyebrow seductively.

“Never,” he shouted, covering his whole face with his hands.

Daisy leaned over, lifted his chin with her finger and looked right into his eyes.

“Remember, sunshine. In this relationship, I wear the trousers. Me. Not you. So no more bossiness or slagging out of you, OK? Got it?”

Eddie playfully got down on his knees and hugged Daisy’s legs tight.

“Got it. Totally.”

“Now what were you saying about my dressing gown?”

“The dressing gown comes to Killshannon. Long live the dressing gown. I’d wear it myself if you asked, and I will love you forever and ever more.”

“A week,” she said, unclasping his arms from around her calves. “I’ll pretend to love you for a week. And then we’re finished. Forever. In the meantime, get up off that sofa. You’re coming with me to Deane’s for dinner. It’s not every day my best friend comes to town.”