Crazy For You

“Lovely to meet you, Eddie, and Daisy of course,” said Shannon’s mother as she looked at the unlikely couple.

“Totally likewise,” Eddie replied in a nervous stammer. “Jonathan has told us all about you and I can definitely see where Shannon gets her good looks from.”

Eddie could feel Daisy’s eyes burn through him like hot rods.

“What a charmer. Just like his big brother, eh?” said Mrs Cassidy. “Please, just call me Fanny.”

Eddie had to turn towards the sink and pretend he had something stuck in his throat before he totally let himself down. He could see Daisy’s glare turn into a smirk from the side of his eye and was getting hot under the collar from the urge to laugh every time he heard the woman’s name.

“How about we put on some music, Isobel?” said Daisy, coming to the rescue.

“Good idea, darling,” said Eddie with relief as he swallowed a mouthful of tap water. “What would you like to hear, Mum? Elvis? Tom Jones? I bet you’re in a Cliff mood. You have that look in your eye.” Eddie knew he had to try to be funny very quickly in order to release some of his pent-up laughter, so he smacked his teeth and danced around the kitchen mocking his mother’s favourite singer. Isobel pretended to be embarrassed but inside she was glowing with pride.

“Oh, go on then. Cliff it is. You know me too well,” she said, even though music had been the furthest thing from her mind over the past while. Perhaps it would do her good.

“I have the entire wedding guest list written out, but nobody told me about Daisy so I’ll have to add her on alongside Eddie,” said Shannon in a loud voice as she sat at the kitchen table and pulled out a ream of A4 paper from a folder marked “Our Wedding”. “This is so exciting. I don’t have any sisters to help me with my wedding plans. Do you, Daisy?”

“No. Just one brother, Richard. But I’m not getting married for a long time, so I really don’t mind.”

Shannon wrote down Daisy’s name in her neatest handwriting and Daisy felt bile rising in her throat. A neat freak. How could Jonathan have settled for a neat freak?

“I don’t know anyone else called Daisy,” said Shannon as she wrote. “You don’t look like a Daisy.”

“You mean, she doesn’t look like a yellow and white flower,” said Eddie. “I think she does. So cute.”

“No, you look more like…like a Mary or an Anne,” said Shannon. “Something a bit plainer than Daisy.”

Daisy felt her cheeks burn. She knew she was dressed very casually but “plain”? Oh dear…

“I’m sure Daisy would be only too delighted to come to our wedding,” Jonathan said, with a touch of sarcasm.

“Yes, and maybe you can help Daisy when it comes to our turn to walk up the aisle, Shannon,” said Eddie. “Daisy would be only too delighted to have you as her bridesmaid since you will be sisters-in-law after all.”

Daisy kicked Eddie hard on the shin from under the table but he was too busy smiling at his mother, who was too engrossed in the happy scene to heed Daisy’s anguish.

“Really, Eddie,” said Daisy. “I’m sure Shannon would rather concentrate on her own wedding for now. It’s hardly fair to start planning for ours just yet. We’re not even engaged, remember?”

Jonathan noticed squinting and shrugging between Eddie and Daisy and when he saw Eddie reach under the table to rub his battered shin for the second time, he recognised a moment for triumph.

“Actually, we’d love to hear about your wedding plans. Go on, tell us all,” he said with glee. “Am I the best man?”

Daisy gave him a hard stare. “That is entirely up to Eddie, not me, thank goodness.”

“Oh, have you set a date yet?” asked Shannon, lifting a diary from her handbag in a matter of seconds. “I hope it’s not on a school day, with so many teachers in the family. What do you work as, Daisy? You look like…let me guess…”

“Ahem, like I said, we haven’t officially got engaged yet so this really is all a bit premature…” said Shannon. She would have loved to have told Shannon that she was a famous actress like that scene in Notting Hill where the guy didn’t recognise Julia Roberts and watched her squirm, but she didn’t get time to even answer…

“And will you start a family straight away?” asked Shannon. “I just know Jonathan is dying to be a daddy. Oh, do you hear me! Maybe you already have children, do you Daisy? You never know with modern couples these days. Most people have so much baggage. But not Jonathan and I, thankfully.”

Daisy’s heart beat as though she had just run a marathon. What was this – The Weakest Link with Shannon as quizmaster? Where the hell had that last question come from? What did she know? Her stomach felt sick.

“That’s not exactly the immediate plan and…no, to your, um, second question.”

She glanced at Jonathan, who swiftly looked away.

“But we are madly in love,” piped Eddie. “It will all be announced soon, so dust off your frocks, folks and put the champers on ice. And yes, Jonathan, I suppose you can be my best man. I was trying to decide between you and my other five invisible brothers.”

Daisy realised the keep-it-simple plan had now disintegrated entirely as Eddie was almost bouncing in his chair. He looked so gay that Shanny and Fanny would have to be dumb and dumber not to realise it. Poor Eddie was the only one who believed in his little game. Oh, and Shannon too, but so far she wasn’t proving to be on the ball at all.

“Tell me all your ideas, please,” squealed Shannon. “I’m so into weddings at the minute and I just love to swap stories with other brides-to-be…plus I want mine to be the best, of course, so I need to hear about the competition.”

Daisy shuffled uneasily in her seat.

“How about a venue? We could recommend a few beautiful hotels,” suggested Fanny, joining in with as much enthusiasm as her over-excited daughter. Dumb and dumber they were, then. “And we have all the latest bridal magazines so no need to buy any. You can have all of ours.”

“I…I’m not quite sure if…” Daisy couldn’t get a word in.

“Or a photographer?” added Jonathan. “Shannon has all the names and contact numbers on file. Why don’t you meet up over the next few days and make a few provisional bookings? You don’t want to waste any time.”

Daisy’s mouth tightened. She could see what Jonathan was doing and what a big a kick he was getting out of it all. Well, two could play that game.

“I suppose so,” she said, and his face fell. “In fact, I’d love that. We should set a date as soon as possible, eh Eddie?”

Eddie looked over with glee at his mother, who to him was quietly enjoying all the buzz and fuss filling her house. This was worth all the pretence, he thought, worth all the little white lies if would give her a sense of contentment in her last few months.