Two Dyaloges

Boni. They are spyteful and odious names, and abhorred of all men, and not withe out good cause why.

Bea. I graunte that, but althoughe to commyt adulterie be a more wycked synne then thefte yet for al that some men reioyse and shewe them selfe glad of that name, whiche wolde be redy by and by to drawe theyr swerdes and fyghte withe a man that wolde or durst call them theues.

Boni. It is true there are many wolde take it euyll as you saye in dede.

Bea. And nowe it is commyn to that poynt that thoughe there are many vnthryftes and spêdals whiche consume theyr substaunce at the wyne and vpon harlottes, and yet so wyllynge to continewe openly that all the worlde wonders at them, yet they wyll be offended and take peper in the noose yf a man shulde call them ruffyans or baudy knaues.

Boni. Suche fellowes thynke they deserue prayse for the thynge, and yet for all that they can not abyde the name dewe to the thinge whiche they deserue.

Bea. There is scarslye any name amonges vs more intollerable or worse can be abydden then to be called a lyar or a lyeng fellowe.

Boni. I haue knowen some or this whiche haue kylled men for suche a spytefull worde as that is.

Bea. Yea yea but wolde god suche hasty fellowes dyd as well abhorre the thinge and hate lienge as well as to be called lyers, was it neuer thy chaunce to be dysceyued of any man whiche borowinge mony of the appoyntynge the a certayne daye to repaye the sayd money and so performyd not his appoyntment nor kept his day?

Boni. Yeas many tymes (god knoweth) and yet hath he sworne many a greuous othe and that not one tyme but many tymes.

Bea. Peraduenture he wolde haue ben so honest as to haue payed it and yf he had had wherwith.

Boni. Naye that is not so for he was able inoughe, but as he thought it better neuer to paye his dettes.

Bea. And what call you this in englyshe, is it not playne lyenge?

Boni. Yes as playne as Dunstable way, there can not be a lowder lye then this is.

Bea. Durste you be so bolde to pulle one of these good detters of yours by the sleue and saye thus to hym, why hast thou dysceyued me so many tymes and broken promyse with me, or to talke to hym in playne englyshe, why doest thou make me so many lyes?

Boni. Why no syr by my trouthe durst I not, excepte I were mynded before to chaûge halfe a dosen drye blowes with hym.

Bea. Dothe not masons Brekelayers, Carpenters, Smythes, Goldsmithes, Taylours, disceyue and disapoynt vs after the lyke maner daylye promysynge to do youre worke suche a daye and suche a daye without any fayle, or further delaye, and yet for all that they parforme not theyr promesse althoughe it stande the neuer somoche vpon hande, or that thou shuldest take neuer so moche profyte by it.

Boni. This is a wonderous and strange vnshamefast knauerye of all that euer I hard of. But and ye speake of breakers of promyse then ye maye reken amongest them lawyers and atturneys at the lawe, which wyl not stycke to promyse or beare you in hande that they wyll be diligent and ernest in the furtheraûce and spedie expedicion of your sute.

Bea. Reken quod he, naye ye maye reken fyve hundreth mennes names besyde these of sundrye faculties and occupacions whiche wyll promyse more by an ynch of a candle then they wyll performe by a whole pounde.

Boni. Why and ye call this lyenge all the worlde is full of suche lyenge.

Bea. Ye se also lykewyse that no man can abyde to be called thefe, and yet all men do not abhorre the thynge so greatly.

Boni. I wolde gladly haue you to declare your mynde in this more playnlye & at large.

Bea. What difference is there betwene hym whiche stealeth thy money forthe of thy cofer, and hym whiche forsweareth and falsely denyeth that whiche thou cõmytted to his custodie to be reserued and safely kept for thy vse only, or to suche tyme as thou arte mynded to call for it agayne.

Boni. There is as they say neyther barrell better hearing, but that in my iudgement he is the falser knaue of the twayne whiche robbes a man that puttes his confidence and trust in hym.

Bea. yea but howe fewe men are there nowe adayes lyuynge whiche are contente to restore agayne that whiche they were put in truste to kepe, or yf they deluer it agayne it is so dymynysshed, gelded, nypped, and pynched, that it is not delyuered whollye, but some thinge cleues in theyr fyngers, that the prouerbe may haue place where the horse walloweth there lyeth some heares.

Boni. I thynke but a fewe that dothe otherwyse.

Bea. And yet for all that there is none of al these that cã abyde it ones to be called thefe, and yet forsothe they hate not the thing so greatly.

Boni. That is as trewe as the gospell.

Bea. Consyder me nowe and marke I beseche the howe the goodes of orphanes, pupylls, wardes, and fatherlesse chyldren be cõmunely ordered and vsed, how wylles and testamentes be executed and performed, how legacyes and bequethes be communelye payde, Naye howe moche cleueth and hangeth fast in the fyngers of the executors or with them that mynyster and intermedle with the goodes of the testatours.

Boni. Many tymes they retayne and kepe in theyr handes all togyther.

Bea. Yea they loue to playe the thefe well inoughe, but they loue nothynge worse then to here of it.

Boni. That is very trewe.

Bea. Howe lytle dyffers he from a thefe whiche boroweth money of one and other and so runneth in dette, with this intent and purpose that yf he maye escape so or fynde suche a crafty colour or a subtyle shyft, he intendeth neuer to paye that he oweth.

Boni. Paraduenture he maye be called warer or more craftier thê a thefe is in dede but no poynt better, for it is hard chosyng of a better where there is neuer a good of them bothe.

Bea. yea but althoughe there be in euery place a great nombre of such makeshyftes and slypper marchauntes yet the starkest knaue of thê all can not abyde to be called thefe.

Boni. God onely knoweth euery mãnes hart and mynd, and therfore they are called of vs men that are runne in dette or fer behynde the hande, but not theues for that soundeth vnswetely and lyke a playne song note.

Bea. What skyllys it howe they be called amõge men yf they be theues afore god. And where you say that god onely knoweth euery mannes hart and mynde, euen so euery man knoweth his owne mynde, whether in his wordes & doynges he entende fraude, couyn, dysceyte, and thefte or no. But what say ye by hym whiche when he oweth more then he is worthe, wyll not stycke to lashe prodygallye and set the cocke vpon the hoope, and yet yf he haue any money at all lefte to spende that a waye vnthryftely, and when he hathe played the parte of a knauyshe spendall in one cytie deludinge and disceyuyng his creditours, ronnes out of this countre and getteth hym to some other good towne, and there sekynge for straûgers and newe acquayntaûce whom he may lykewyse begyle, yea and playeth many suche lyke partes and shameful shiftes. I praye the tell me dothe not suche a greke declare euydentlye by his crafty dealynge and false demeanour, what mynde is he of?

Boni. yes suerly as euydentlye as can be possible. But yet suche felowes are wonte to colour and cloke theyr doynges vnder a craftie pretence.

Bea. With what I beseche the?

Boni. They saye to owe moche and to dyuers persones is communely vsed of great men, yea and of kynges also as well as of them, and therfore they that intende to be of that disposycyon wyll beare out to the harde hedge the porte of a gentylman and soo they wyll be taken and estemed for gentilmen of the commune people.

Bea. A gentylman and why or to what entent and purpose a gentylman?

Boni. It is a straunge thynge to be spoken howe moche they thynke it is mete for a gentylman or a horseman to take vpon hym.

Bea. By what equytie, authoritie, or lawes.

Boni. By none other but by the selfe same lawes that the Admiralles of the sees chalenge a proprietie in all suche thynges as are cast vpon the shoore by wracke, althoughe the ryghte owner come forthe and chalenge his owne goodes. And also by the same lawes that some other men saye all is theyrs what soeuer is founde aboute a thefe or a robber whê he is takê.

Boni. Such lawes as these are the arrantest theues that are myght make them selues.

Bea. yea and ye may be sure they wold gladly w

al theyr harts î their bodies make suche lawes yf they coulde mayntayne them or were of power to se them executed, and they myght haue some thynge to laye for theyr excuse if they could proclayme opyn warre before they fell to robbynge.

Boni. But who gaue that pryuylege rather to a horseman then to a foteman, or more to a gentylman thê to a good yeman.

Bea. The fauoure that is shewed to men of warre, for by suche shyftes and thus they practyse before to be good men of warre that they maye be more redy & hansome to spoyle theyr enemyes when they shall encounter with thê.

Boni. I thynke Pyrhus dyd so exercyse and breake his yonge souldyers to the warres.

Bea. No not Pyrrhus but the Lacedemonians dyd.