The Best Policy

The sudden and startling changes of position by this young woman were too much for both Murray and the doctor; they could only look at her in amazement as she calmly commended their course.

“You have brought us all this distance to tell us that!” ejaculated Murray at last.

“Yes.”

“Well, it’s worth the trip!” he announced, as he recalled the events of the last year.

Then Tucker appeared, big, strong, bronzed, hearty, and shook hands with them. Never a weakling in appearance, his year of outdoor life had made him the embodiment of health. He beamed upon his guests with hearty good nature as he gave them each a grip that made them wince. His wife regarded him critically for a moment.

“Poor Ralph!” she said mischievously, and then she hastily assured them that this was really the last of the joke.

AN INCIDENTAL FAILURE

Adolph Schlimmer’s wink was of the self-satisfied variety that plainly says to the person at whom it is directed, “They’re mostly fools in this world – except you and me, and I’m not quite sure about you.” Adolph Schlimmer was a small man, but he thought he had enough worldly wisdom and sharpness for a giant. “You bet you, I don’t get fooled very much,” he boasted.

Just now his wink was directed at Carroll Brown, an insurance solicitor.

“How much iss there in it for you?” he asked.

“Oh, I get my commission, of course,” replied Brown.

“Sure, sure,” – and again Adolph winked. “You don’t need it all, maybe.”

“Why not?” asked Brown with disconcerting frankness. “I’m entitled to what I earn.”

“Sure, sure,” admitted Adolph, somewhat annoyed. “It’s vorth something to you to make the money, ain’t it, yes? I gif you the chance. It might be vorth something to me, perhaps, maybe.”

“Oh, if you want me to divide my commission with you,” exclaimed Brown, “we might as well quit talking right here. It would cost me my job, if anybody found it out.”

“Who iss to find it out? I bet you, if people could find out things, we’d haf more people in jail than out. Some big men, vorth millions, would haf to live a century to serf their time out. The boss discharges hiss clerk for doin’ what he iss doin’ himself.”

“It’s against the law,” argued Brown. “It’s a rebate on premiums and is prohibited.”

“Sure, sure,” conceded Adolph again. “But you got to do something to make business, ain’t it? I gif premiums and I get discounts. There don’t nobody fool me very much.”

“Well, I’m taking no chances with either my job or the law,” announced Brown, “even if I wanted to sacrifice part of my legitimate commission. I’m offering you a policy in a first-class company on the same terms that we give them to all others, and that’s the best I can do. If you’re looking for an advantage over your neighbors, you’ll have to go elsewhere. The very first rule of straight business is to treat all alike.”

“Sure it iss,” returned Adolph. “Look at the railroads and the big shippers.” Again he winked wisely. “I bet you, your boss ain’t such a fool as you. Make the big money when you can, but don’t run avay from the little money. I gif you a chance for the little money because I’m smart; some other feller let you haf it all because he issn’t.”

Therein lay the measure of Adolph. It was beyond his comprehension that any man should treat all fairly: some one surely was “on the inside,” and his first thought in any transaction was to make a quiet “deal” with some interested party that would give him a trifling advantage over others. He was shrewd in a small and near-sighted way, and he had an idea that all men, except fools, looked at things as he did. He believed there was “graft” in everything. That being the case, it was the duty of a sharp man to get a share of it, even if, as in this instance, it only lessened his own expense somewhat. So Adolph Schlimmer went to see Brown’s boss, who happened to be Dave Murray.

“I get me some insurance,” he announced.

“All right,” returned Murray agreeably. “You look like a good risk.”

“Risk?” repeated Adolph. “No, nein. I’m a sure thing.”

Murray laughed.

“That’s bad,” he said banteringly. “Sure things are what men go broke on in this world; they’re the biggest risks of all.” Then, explanatorily: “I mean you seem to be in good physical condition, so that our physician is likely to pass you.”

“You bet you,” returned Adolph, “but it’s my vife what counts. If I die, I leaf her the money; if she die, she leaf me nothing.”

“Oh, you want to get a policy on your wife’s life,” said Murray thoughtfully, not favorably impressed with the other’s commercial tone. “How much?”

“Zwei t’ousand dollars.”

“Not very much,” commented Murray. “A man of sense would prefer a good wife to two thousand dollars any day. Is she a worker?”

“You bet you, yes,” replied Adolph earnestly. “If she die, I looss money on her at that price. I figger it all out. She safe me the wages uf a clerk and a cook and some other things. I count up what she safe me and what she cost me and she’s vorth fifteen dollars a week easy in work and ten dollars a week in saving. I can’t afford to looss that. I insure the store and the stock, and now I insure this. I watch out for myself pretty close.”

Murray was both disgusted and amused. Such a character as this was new to his experience, but the risk might be, and probably was, a perfectly good and legitimate one.

“Well, you bring your wife in,” he said after a moment of thought, “and I’ll talk to her.”

“Sure,” said Adolph. Then he winked in his wise way. “I safe you the commission. What iss there in it for me?”

“What?” exclaimed Murray.

“I haf a talk with Brown,” explained Adolph. “It’s vorth something to him to get the business, but he don’t make it vorth nothing to me to give it.”

“If he did we’d discharge him.”

“Sure, sure,” returned the imperturbable Adolph. “We got to watch the boys or there won’t be nothing left for us. So I safe the commission for you. What iss there in it for me?”

“Not a damn thing!”

“You play it that way with the fool,” advised Adolph complacently. “It’s a bully bluff for the feller that don’t know how things was done in business. Then we go splits, yes?”

The ignorance and effrontery of the man so amazed Murray that he forgot his indignation for a moment and undertook to explain.

“There is no commission on business that comes to the office,” he said.

“Sure!” laughed Adolph, again resorting to that sagacious wink. “You let the company make it, yes? I stay home, you send man to tell me get insured, I say yes, man get paid – ain’t it so? I come here to get insured, and you give that man’s pay to the company, the men vorth millions – oh, yes, sure!” Adolph laughed at the absurdity of the thing. “Iss there anything in my eye?” he asked suddenly.

“You sit down there!” ordered Murray, for Adolph was now leaning familiarly over Murray’s desk. “I ought to kick you out, but I’m going to tell you a few things. Sit down and keep still. I’m several sizes bigger than you are and it’s my turn.” Murray spoke so aggressively that Adolph promptly returned to his seat. “Now, to begin with, you make a mistake in judging everybody else by yourself; there are a lot of decent people in this world. A good many may worship the almighty dollar, and that’s bad enough, but God help the few who get down to worshiping the almighty cent. A good many keep a lookout for graft, but you are the first one I ever saw who seemed to think everybody was crooked.”

“No, nein; only business – ”

“Keep still! You insult everybody you try to do business with by acting on the assumption that he is in your class. You have absorbed some of the tricky commercialism that is prevalent these days, and you’ve got the idea that there isn’t anything else – not even common sense. You would break the law for a trifle. What you propose is morally wrong, but we won’t discuss that, because you can’t understand it.”

“I don’t like – ”

“Keep still! I’m doing you a favor, but I’ve got to tell you first what a libel you are on the average human being. The law that you want to break was made for the protection of just such financially insignificant people as you. It prohibits giving rebates in any form on insurance premiums and provides that the acceptance of such a rebate by the policy-holder shall invalidate his policy, and that the giving of such a rebate by a company or any of its agents shall subject the company to a fine. Do you understand?”

“Sure; but who iss to know?”

Murray was discouraged, but he had set out to drive a lesson home to this dull-witted fellow who thought he was smart, and he valiantly held to his task. He could feel nothing but contempt for the man, but he had become rather interested in convincing him how foolish he was. Besides, Murray was a bitter opponent of the rebate evil in all lines of business – every one knows how it fosters monopoly – and he attacked it whenever and wherever he could.