Turandot: The Chinese Sphinx

For shame! Three hours ago one victim fell.

TRUF

This new pretender seems a precious swell.
His curly poll will grace the hangman's pole,
A charming barber's block, upon my soul!
'Twill cut a figure in our "Rotten Row;"
I think that jest is witty – Ho, ho, ho!

BRIG

Your soul in blackness with your visage vies —
You grin whene'er a fellow-creature dies.

TRUF

You jackanapes! None of your paltry spite;
My heart's not black, – your liver 'tis that's white;
So hold your jaw. Why should I grieve to see
That men for love such arrant fools can be?
The more the merrier; for on each day,
Our Princess 'scapes a husband's dreaded sway;
She gives us all a good jollification,
Besides munificent gratification.

BRIG

How barbarous.

TRUF

Now, don't you be so silly.
Her suitors are not dragged here willy-nilly;
They know the journey here their heads may cost 'em,
But 'tis no loss; for they've already lost 'em.
Perhaps that's why the riddles they can't guess,
And always fall into a hideous mess.
I'm sure my charming mistress is most lenient
To have devised a method so convenient
To rid herself, and China, of such geese;
Much harder tasks, – to fetch the golden fleece —
Or singing water – or the talking bird —
Were formerly exacted, as I've heard.
My lovely Highness is not so inhuman,
She only tests her sweethearts' fine acumen;
And if she must submit to husband's rule,
At least she'll not be governed by a fool.

(March music is heard.)

BRIG

The royal trumpets sound. Hark, don't you hear 'em.

TRUF

I'll run t'escort my Princess from her hareem.
Be off! and guard the palace portals,
Let none pass thro' but Mandarin-born mortals.

(Exeunt severally.)

(Enter guards and musicians; then eight doctors pedanticallydressed; PANTALOON and TARTAGLIA in characteristic costumes; then the KHAN ALTOUM, in extravagantly rich attire, he ascends histhrone, PANT. and TART. station themselves near it. At his entrance, all prostrate themselves, their foreheads to the ground, and remainthus until he is seated.At a sign from PANTALOON, the marchceases.)

ALT

Good folk, behold your monarch much perplexed,
I must confess I'm seriously vexed.
My daughter's obstinacy quite unnerves me,
Such unforeseen and jadish tricks she serves me.
One charming prince was killed this morn, at six;
Another's just arrived, – I'm in a fix,
And worritted to death by constant butch'ry,
Of lovers caught by my fair daughter's witch'ry;
But yet I cannot break my oath. Fo-hi
Has heard my vow; his wrath I dar'n't defy.
Prime Minister, can't you some project form
And be your monarch's rudder thro' this storm?

PANT

Celestial Majesty —

ALT

What do you say?

PANT. (aside.)

The loudest bawling's all time thrown away!
He's deaf as any post – a perfect dummy —
It's no use preaching wisdom to a mummy.
I wish I were in Venice back again!
I had to fly her happy shores, on pain
Of being hanged, or losing liberty,
Because the bigwigs thought my tongue too free.
I hoped, as minister, I was secure
To fatten in an easy sinecure;