Confident Teens: How to Raise a Positive, Confident and Happy Teenager

Confident Teens: How to Raise a Positive, Confident and Happy Teenager
Gael Lindenfield

A Lindenfield guide to helping teenagers and young adults stay confident and feel good about themselves.Teens today need more help than ever. Being expected to grow up quickly; facing the problems of immense peer pressure; facing exam challenges – and getting to grips with the many changes and events of the teenage years can be exceedingly daunting.Confidence levels and the grown-up personality are moulded in your teens, and setbacks around this time can seriously impact on self-esteem in later life. However, confident teenagers should grow up to become confident people and this book shows how parents can best understand, support, befriend and give confidence to their teenage child.Written for adults, this is a candid and sympathetic guide which will help parents to be prepared for the roller coaster teenage years.Why it’s important to acknowledge that times have changed.• Why experimentation is important to your teen’s identity and well being.• How to nurture your child through a bad patch.• How to help your child develop healthy independence.• What teenagers worry about. Where to start with sexuality, drugs, work, college and the future.The book includes tips on how to deal with typical teenager scenarios and has a series of Golden Rules for parents to follow.Note that it has not been possible to include the same picture content that appeared in the original print version.

Confident Teens

How to raise a positive, confident and happy teenager

Gael Lindenfield

Dedication (#ulink_a31fd74b-80b1-58a5-be57-c5c3e451021c)

To my husband, Stuart, who has been the most supportive co-parent I could ever have hoped to have. His optimism, down-to-earth wisdom and sense of fun helped transform many a moment of angst into a positive, uplifting experience.

Table of Contents

Cover Page (#u451ad750-e8d2-55dc-861c-f8afc020f4ad)

Title Page (#u3257f003-e490-576a-8414-6431f6437593)

Dedication (#u9b2eb6e7-f870-5b48-8dc2-a24d396f5270)

Introduction (#ub845e8e7-4e8f-595e-914d-6ec66998e7b9)

Part one (#ub20b7059-e19e-536c-8b18-d931ec3514b7)

What Exactly is Confidence? (#u2b9d6165-61ad-5a99-8577-f11304e9ebdc)

21 Golden Rules (#u550cbfd0-06c0-5db8-9302-0e170a7a9d44)

Part two (#litres_trial_promo)

The Angst Tests (#litres_trial_promo)

The Problems (#litres_trial_promo)

Answer Time! (#litres_trial_promo)

A Final Word (#litres_trial_promo)

Further Help (#litres_trial_promo)

Index (#litres_trial_promo)

Acknowledgements (#litres_trial_promo)

By the same author (#litres_trial_promo)

Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)

About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)

Introduction (#ulink_3a546142-350b-50e8-bfe8-5ad27d6237ae)

Would you believe that it has taken me a full six years to summon up the confidence to write this book?!

And that is in spite of:

having re-built my own confidence from the rockiest of rock bottoms

achieving a successful career for the past 25 years by helping others to build theirs

receiving streams of letters and calls from grateful readers of one of my earlier books, Confident Children

being asked countless times by parents, teachers, youth workers and editors to write this book

and, most importantly:

having launched two highly confident teenagers into the world.

So, ‘what was your problem?’ you might well ask. In a nutshell, I felt overwhelmed by the responsibility of taking on such a vital task, knowing that never in a million years could it be done perfectly!

Then, thanks to a flash of insight, I realized that was exactly how so many parents of teens currently feel.

The actual task of building enough confidence in children to enable them to thrive in today’s world is just as daunting as writing a book on the subject. The difference is that most parents have to tackle their task without the benefit of hindsight or professional expertise – and they don’t have the luxury of saying ‘No!’

So applying the magic of the ‘Just Do It!’ approach, I started to write. Once in the flow, my problem changed. I found that I had enough confidence and material to write five volumes! The big problem facing me now was how to contain myself and my subject. I knew I had to condense my thoughts into one slim book because how many parents have the time and energy to read much else? I hope that you will find this book easier to read and more practical to use than the encyclopaedia that could have emerged!

Above all, teens need confident parents to set them an inspiring example. Therefore, one of my main aims in writing this book is to provide a self-help tool to build and boost your confidence as a parent. So, although for obvious reasons the content of the book centres around difficulties you may encounter, please don’t lose sight of the positives. The fact is that the vast majority of parents have a great time parenting their teens. I can honestly say that the years I spent with my teens were the most exciting and rewarding of my life. Of course there were some tantrums and traumas – I expected that. (Aren’t the dire warnings about adolescent angst and anti-social behaviour everywhere?) But what I didn’t expect was the amazing degree of fun, companionship and life-broadening experiences that totally outweighed the difficulties. I hope this proves to be your experience of parenting your teen as well.

If from time to time it doesn’t, don’t take all the blame upon yourself. Doing this will neither help you nor your teen. Although as parents we have a powerful role to play in building the confidence of our children, we have to accept that many other factors can be highly influential as well. It is hard enough for adults to feel good about themselves in our current world. More and more people are feeling daunted by the competitive pressure that globalization has brought and the ever-moving goalposts in the world of work. At the same time, vast numbers of us are feeling personal failures. It is proving so hard to keep on top of the hectic lifestyle we lead and live up to the images of perfection that the mass media floods our minds with. Seeing so many adults around them ‘losing it’, is it any wonder that teenagers often feel that they have little chance in the jungle either?

In addition, a number of you will have inherited extra obstacles. Your child may, for example, have a genetic pre-disposition which has stacked the cards against them. A shy or volatile temperament or an intellectual or physical disability can make it much harder for a child to achieve their potential and integrate into their community. Alternatively, your family may have had to struggle with social or economic disadvantages, which none of you asked for – or deserved! Teenagers from minority ethnic groups or from poor communities often have good reason to have less self-esteem and also have fewer chances to acquire the skills that help build confidence.

Finally, please also remember that no one but a saint could sail through these challenging years without frequently running into problems and breaking many of the Golden Rules, which I discuss later. Confident parents are not perfect people. They know they have faults and make mistakes. But they persevere in spite of their own imperfections and setbacks. They do not remain daunted by challenges for long – when they decide to ‘go for it’, they embrace the challenges and enjoy them!

Part one (#ulink_e67b0ad3-a206-539f-acd4-c241c8217f7c)

Raising Confident Teens:

Everything You Need to Know!

What Exactly is Confidence? (#ulink_043d3bdd-3fce-545a-bec7-be90c7b77e84)

‘She’s an intelligent, talented girl and a pleasure to have in the class, but she could do so much more if only she had more confidence.’

‘Yes, he does get picked on. If he was a bit more confident they’d probably leave him alone.’

‘Why didn’t she tell me this herself? If I’d known before I could have helped. The trouble is that she’s so quiet. If she’d only speak up more in class.’