This Is The Way

He moved himself up on the pillow.

Come here I want to show you something he says.

I’d left the sack he had at the Spar by the head of the bed and now he had it up with him.

Have a look here he says. There’s some old pages they gave me in the hospital. Your father was telling me you’re good with the reading he says.

When were you last talking to me father I says to him.

He came in the hospital visit me Arthur says.

Was me father where you got me number I says.

Yes he says.

Now he says.

Have a look at those pages he says.

Yes I says.

He showed me a group of papers, they were held together at the corner. The first page said in writing Recovery Guide for Patients Who Have Undergone Digit Replantation Surgery. The second page and the third page there were pictures. One of them was a man caught in a fence.

I turned the page and Arthur said the doctor got it for him off the computer.

Look he says, look, look, but I was reading down the sheet.

Look he says again.

I looked up and I got a fright. He’d took his left hand out the cloth been covering it and he was holding it in front of him. It was crooked and mashed, it was boiled. Took me a few seconds to see what was wrong. It was the thumb, only it wasn’t a thumb. It was twisted on the hand, a different look to the rest, like someone had got it, broke it off, then they changed it, shrunk it, put it back on. His hand looked like a monkey’s hand what it looked, like a chimp’s. I thought of his foot and then I thought that that’s what this was. That they took his toe off and they put it on his hand because his thumb went missing.

What’s wrong with you he says.

I don’t know I says.

Your face he says.

Your face I says.

There’s nothing wrong with me face he says.

You look shocked I says.

It’s not me face it’s me hand is the problem, look he says.

He reached over for the glass and the hand stopped before it. It was natural a person would open the hand without thinking but Arthur was thinking. He was looking at the hand like he had to concentrate to open it. I watched him, his tongue tapping his front teeth. In a minute his thumb that was his toe moved back and he moved his hand around the glass.

I can do that but I can’t hold on to anything yet he says. One step at a time isn’t that what they say. I could try and pick it up but there’s no power in the hand, the glass would drop. It’ll take time. They had me doing exercises, opening and closing opening and closing. They told me I had to think through the movement and if I thought of it I would make it happen. They gave me fish they said the fish is good for the brain. They said if I.

The hospital, the doctor, the after what happened was all he was saying, I was not listening.

I says to him tell me something Arthur and tell me straight.

He looked at me strange, angry.

I says was it the Gillaroos done this to you.

He took two seconds.

No he says, and he kept his eyes looking in mine like a challenge what it was.

I turned mine away from his and I smiled, I smiled so he could see me smile, it was with no joy.

I says to him they must have thought you were good enough to let you go from the hospital before the skin is even healed.

He muttered something, I says to him what speak up.

He says I knew meself I was good enough.

You let yourself out I says.

There was nothing I couldn’t have been doing on me own he says.

Can you do that I says.

What he says.

Let yourself out I says.

Course he says. They can’t hold you against your will. And I don’t like the fish he says.

Tell me this I says to him. Have you still got that watch the mercury in it.

No he says. That broke and it made me sick for a week. I got this new one with a wire coiled in it you could pull out and strangle a man.

Would you use it for that I says.

If I had to he says.

He looked around the room. I followed his eyes looking the way he was looking, this room he been recovering, this place he was hiding.

What you been doing with yourself these few days he says to me.

Looking after you I says.

What was that about he says.

Seeing that you weren’t dying I says. Looking at you more than looking after you I says.