The Little Book Café

For the remainder of the evening Tash let Adrian chatter on. He seemed oblivious to her silence and talked endlessly about getting a newer, bigger house, perhaps out in the country, another car, maybe a Range Rover, about how happy he was, that they should throw a party to celebrate. As they left he yelled at the maitre d’ that they’d be back to toast the first of the babies.

Benji was exhausted and whimpering when they returned, Tash assumed from barking. He’d also left a puddle by the back door. Numbly, she went to get the mop.

‘Don’t be long, darling,’ Adrian called from upstairs, with a snigger. ‘I’ve got a long night ahead planned for you.’

The light caught on the enormous diamond on her finger as she mopped up dog wee. Tash had never felt more trapped or more unhappy. And she had no idea how she was going to let Adrian down.

Chapter 25 (#ulink_6806a080-026e-55f4-9e46-61965d9904b1)

Tash, only too aware that Benji’s presence was causing Adrian stress and wanting to keep him sweet so she could get to the book group, kept her feelings on the engagement quiet. She hated herself for being so cowardly but couldn’t face another argument. She was also frightened about how physically dominant he was getting. Part of Tash was shocked to the core that she could consider the possibility that Adrian might be violent towards her. The other part of her couldn’t deny he had been getting increasingly rough. In the way he touched her, in the way he made love. In the way he had begun to force her to do things she wasn’t happy about. So, for a few days, she let Adrian chatter on about plans for their future. The more she let him talk, the more she realised, just like the proposal itself, all the plans were about him and what he wanted. He never discussed them with her beforehand, just assumed she would go along with whatever he suggested. How had she morphed into this compliant creature lacking in self-confidence? She thought back over the last year. Adrian had gradually taken over her life. Sorted all the house admin, planned what they were going to eat, even insisting he did things like put new tyres on her car. He booked the holidays and presented them as a fait accompli. It was all done with love, he said. She was far too busy at work to be bothered over such things and, besides, he was better at stuff like that. At first Tash had been grateful to have time freed up so she could concentrate on her job. Now, looking back, Tash could see how controlling he had become and how it had sapped her confidence. Reflecting on Emma’s words that she’d been much more fun before Adrian, she felt her stomach drop. It was true. She’d lost herself.