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Verse and Worse
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ABSENT-MINDEDNESS
Absent-minded Edward Brown
Drove his lady into town;
Suddenly the horse fell down!
Mrs. Ned
(Newly wed)
Threw a fit and lay for dead.
Edward, lacking in resource,
Chafed the fetlocks of his horse,
Sitting with unpleasant force
(Just like lead)
On the head
Of the prostrate Mrs. Ned.
She demanded a divorce,
Jealous of the favoured horse.
Edward had it shot, of course.
…
Years have sped;
She and Ned
Drive a motor now instead.
V
JOHN
John, across the broad Atlantic,
Tried to navigate a barque,
But he met an unromantic
And extremely hungry shark.
John (I blame his childhood's teachers)
Thought to treat this as a lark,
Ignorant of how these creatures
Do delight to bite a barque.
Said, 'This animal's a bore!' and,
With a scornful sort of grin,
Handled an adjacent oar and
Chucked it underneath the chin.
At this unexpected juncture,
Which he had not reckoned on,
Mr. Shark he made a puncture
In the barque – and then in John.
…
Sad am I, and sore at thinking
John had on some clothes of mine;
I can almost see them shrinking,
Washed repeatedly in brine.
I shall never cease regretting
That I lent my hat to him,
For I fear a thorough wetting
Cannot well improve the brim.
Oh! to know a shark is browsing,
Boldly, blandly, on my boots!
Coldly, cruelly carousing
On the choicest of my suits!
Creatures I regard with loathing,
Who can calmly take their fill
Of one's Jaeger underclothing: —
Down, my aching heart, be still!
VI
BABY
Baby roused its father's ire,
By a cold and formal lisp;
So he placed it on the fire,
And reduced it to a crisp.
Mother said, 'Oh, stop a bit!
This is overdoing it!'
VII
THE CAT
(Advice to the Young)
My children, you should imitate
The harmless, necessary cat,
Who eats whatever's on his plate,
And doesn't even leave the fat;
Who never stays in bed too late,
Or does immoral things like that;
Instead of saying, 'Shan't!' or 'Bosh!'
He'll sit and wash, and wash, and wash!
When shadows fall and lights grow dim,
He sits beneath the kitchen stair;
Absent-minded Edward Brown
Drove his lady into town;
Suddenly the horse fell down!
Mrs. Ned
(Newly wed)
Threw a fit and lay for dead.
Edward, lacking in resource,
Chafed the fetlocks of his horse,
Sitting with unpleasant force
(Just like lead)
On the head
Of the prostrate Mrs. Ned.
She demanded a divorce,
Jealous of the favoured horse.
Edward had it shot, of course.
…
Years have sped;
She and Ned
Drive a motor now instead.
V
JOHN
John, across the broad Atlantic,
Tried to navigate a barque,
But he met an unromantic
And extremely hungry shark.
John (I blame his childhood's teachers)
Thought to treat this as a lark,
Ignorant of how these creatures
Do delight to bite a barque.
Said, 'This animal's a bore!' and,
With a scornful sort of grin,
Handled an adjacent oar and
Chucked it underneath the chin.
At this unexpected juncture,
Which he had not reckoned on,
Mr. Shark he made a puncture
In the barque – and then in John.
…
Sad am I, and sore at thinking
John had on some clothes of mine;
I can almost see them shrinking,
Washed repeatedly in brine.
I shall never cease regretting
That I lent my hat to him,
For I fear a thorough wetting
Cannot well improve the brim.
Oh! to know a shark is browsing,
Boldly, blandly, on my boots!
Coldly, cruelly carousing
On the choicest of my suits!
Creatures I regard with loathing,
Who can calmly take their fill
Of one's Jaeger underclothing: —
Down, my aching heart, be still!
VI
BABY
Baby roused its father's ire,
By a cold and formal lisp;
So he placed it on the fire,
And reduced it to a crisp.
Mother said, 'Oh, stop a bit!
This is overdoing it!'
VII
THE CAT
(Advice to the Young)
My children, you should imitate
The harmless, necessary cat,
Who eats whatever's on his plate,
And doesn't even leave the fat;
Who never stays in bed too late,
Or does immoral things like that;
Instead of saying, 'Shan't!' or 'Bosh!'
He'll sit and wash, and wash, and wash!
When shadows fall and lights grow dim,
He sits beneath the kitchen stair;
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Последний отзыв
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