Mean Girls: New Girl / Confessions of an Angry Girl / Here Lies Bridget / Speechless

“I just—” she began.

“Stop. Just … stop. I didn’t give this to you, and now I’m wondering why the rumors going around all have to do with my undying love and how I’m obsessively buying you gifts.”

She was all too aware of how they must look to Madison and Julia, who could surely see them on the bench.

“I’m sorry, Max. Please. Just let everyone think that I wasn’t dumped.” She looked at him with pleading eyes.

“Why should I do that?”

“Because I just don’t know what I’ll do. Please. I’ll stop. This’ll be the last time. But please don’t tell anyone anything.”

Max and she were done. He’d ended that. She was no longer part of the golden couple.

But she and Johnny were done, too. That, however, had been ended by her. She just couldn’t be with him. Dana was her friend. And Becca had never been a real friend to anyone. She had to do this for her. She couldn’t be with the one guy Dana had feelings for. It just didn’t feel right.

“Please,” said Becca again. “I just can’t look like that big a loser.”

“You’re not a loser, everyone likes you.”

She shook her head. “I just can’t have everyone looking at me like I should be embarrassed. Please.”

She looked him in the eye, and tried to show him how much she needed this.

“Fine,” he said. “But this is the last thing.”

chapter 25 me

ALL GOOD THINGS COME TO AN END. I HATE when that stupid expression is right.

The first time I realized this was when I went to my room the next afternoon and saw the word WHORE written across the small mirror I had on my side of the room. I found that it was written in my permanent markers, and had to throw the whole thing away.

Over the next few days, the looks and whispers about me got louder and more frequent. Even Madison and Julia seemed a little chilly toward me, and just as they had started being so kind to me, too.

Madison asked, “Why didn’t you tell us you guys had sex?”

My insistence that we didn’t fell on deaf ears each time someone new brought it up. Blake swore she hadn’t said anything, and I had to believe her. I had to feel like someone here had my back.

Max did as I asked, and denied it to everyone. It hadn’t taken long for him to fall out of the hearts of everyone. Everyone seemed disappointed in him. He didn’t care. He just kept asking me if I was okay. He said he’d do anything he could to make them stop.

Over the coming month, the weather remained cold and biting. The snow was deep and thick, sometimes sharp and icy. There was one time of day when the sun shone enough through my window that when I lay in bed, I could almost pretend that it was warm outside.

One night, halfway through March, I’d been lying in bed reading The Crucible, when the witch in my own room shrieked very suddenly, “Will you turn off that light, I can’t sleep!”

She’d been in a bad mood for weeks. It seemed that she thought Becca owed her more than just one quick visit.

I was unable to summon a civilized response, so I put on my flip-flops and a sweatshirt and went out of the room with my book. I left the light on just to be a jerk.

I headed to the dining hall for some hot chocolate. It was empty, except for one person.

“Johnny,” I said, walking over to him.

The enormous hall felt even bigger and more echoing without all the usual voices and bodies filling it.

“What are you doing up?” He looked at me, and then at my pajamas and shoes.

“I’ve been kicked out of my room because I had the light on.”

“Really?”

“She’s been really upset lately.”

He nodded, and looked concerned. “Like, how upset?”

“I dunno. Just moody as far as I can tell.” I sat down next to him. “What are you doing down here?”

“Couldn’t sleep. I’ve been having trouble lately. I don’t know why.”

I could see it all over his face. His eyes were dark and sunken, and his hair was tousled in a very Axe commercial type way.

“I’ve been having trouble this semester, too. Though in part that could be due to Dana screaming at me for reading and singing to herself in the middle of the night like someone out of a Hitchcock movie.”

“Singing?”

I shrugged. “Yeah. It was weird.”

“What was she singing?”

“What’s that song … oh, ‘You Are My Sunshine.’”

He stared at me for a second, his smile fading. “That’s weird. That’s really weird.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“No, I mean … that was a joke she and Becca had. Dana used to say something about how …” He screwed up his face, trying to remember. “How Becca was like sunshine because of her hair. I don’t really remember.”

At that bit of creepiness, I couldn’t think of anything to say, except, “I’m going to get some hot chocolate.”

I was grateful that he changed the subject when I came back.

“So where are you going to college?”

“Oh,” I said, “FSU. Florida State University.”

He nodded. “That’s cool, why there?”

“All of my friends are going there.” I thought, with a pang, of Leah. “Sort of been a plan forever.”

He nodded again. “Did you apply anywhere else?”