The Complete Cynic

The Complete Cynic
Ethel Grant

Addison Mizner

Oliver Herford

Oliver Herford, Ethel Watts Mumford, Addison Mizner

The Complete Cynic / Being Bunches of Wisdom Culled from the Calendars of…

DEDICATION, 1911 TO THE MERRY

"Wisdom may not be confined
'Twixt covers of the dictionary,
Neither will it be defined;
Learning, you may quickly bury;
Wisdom – Soul and Life combined combined —
Lingers ever with the merry."

DEDICATION, 1905 TO THE WORLD AT LARGE

This Little Book of Wisdom Great
It pleases us to dedicate
To that Rampageous Reprobate —
The World at Large.
Yet as we mark his Stony Phiz
And see him whoop and whirl and whiz,
We can but cry – O Lord, why is
The World at Large!

    OLIVER HERFORD.

DEDICATION, 1907

To Foolish-wise and Wisely-gay
Of whate'er country they may be,
We dedicate this little gem
By Ollie, Addison and Me,
In hopes they'll buy in massive lots
And help us boil our little pots.

    (T)

DEDICATION, 1908

Reader – would you a Cynic be?
Vindictive – Vitriolic?
Then be one in your Infancy —
Your Nurse will think it's Colic.

Like Measles take it while you're young,
'Twill drive your parents frantic,
But you'll grow up, (if still unhung)
An Optimist Romantic.

    (H)

DEDICATION, 1909

Then here's to those who love the Stars
And diligently tea them,
And here's to all Ambitious Souls
Who strongly strive to be them;
But most to those Discerning Ones
Who know Stars when they see them.

"Now the well of truth
'Tis an ink well."

    Sayings of Towanda.

BOOK ONE

God gives us our relatives – thank God we can choose our friends. (M)

When Papa comes in at the door the Lover flies out at the window. (T)

Look before you sleep. (M)

It's a strong stomach that has no turning. (T)

Those that came to cough remain to spray. (H)

Naught is lost save honor. (H)

God sends the tempest to the shorn lambs. (T)

Silence gives contempt. (M)

People who love in glass houses should pull down the blinds. (T & M))

God help those who do not help themselves. (T & M))

A church fair exchange is robbery. (T)

Fools rush in and win, where angels fear to tread. (M)

A rich man can get the eye of the beadle. (M)