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The Bad Book Affair

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Год написания книги
2018
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‘Aye! THE DE SAURUS!’

‘Ah, right! Yes! Roget’s Thesaurus?’

‘No. That’s not it.’

‘I think it might be, actually. If you want to have a look here…’

‘No.’

‘The classic book of synonyms and antonyms?’

‘No! Cymbals and Antimals?’

‘I think it’s the Thesaurus.’

‘It is not. The De Saurus.’

‘OK, well, sorry. We can’t help you with the De Saurus.’

‘D’ye have any books on the Foreign Legion, then?’

‘Certainly.’

‘And a guidebook to Prague for the wife?’

‘Of course.’

He was harmless, really, Mr McCully. They were all harmless: the only real harm they did was to Israel’s fragile mental and emotional health.

Like Mrs Hammond, for example.

‘I’m looking for a book.’

‘Yes, Mrs Hammond. Good. You’ve come to the—’

‘It’s a true story.’

‘OK.’

‘About a man.’

‘Good. What kind of a man?’

‘It was on the telly yesterday, sure. A fella was talking about it.’

‘I see. And the man was…?’

‘It was the fella on the telly. The English man. With the lovely hair.’

‘Right. The man who wrote the book was an English man with lovely hair? Or the man who the book is about is an English man with lovely hair?’

‘Ach, no, the man with the programme on the telly with the lovely hair.’

‘Ah. The man with the programme on the telly…who interviewed the man…? about his book…about the man…is an English man…with lovely hair?’

‘That’s right.’

‘Well, let’s see what we can find here.’

And Hughie Boyd.

‘I was in last year, sure, and there was a book on a shelf down there, but it’s not there now.’

‘Right.’

‘D’ye not have it, then?’

‘Erm. Whereabouts on the shelf was it exactly?’

‘Just there, look. There.’

‘Here?’

‘No! There!’

‘Ah. Oh. Right. There. Well. I’m afraid we’ve moved that book.’

‘Typical.’

‘Thank you, Mr Boyd! Lovely to see you! Have a nice day!’

And George Kemp.

‘D’ye have Bibles?’

‘Yes, indeed, we do, Mr Kemp. Bibles. Bibles. Let me see. A Bible, anyway. Here we are. Yes.’

‘I’ll take it.’

‘Erm. Well. It’s reference only, I’m afraid.’

‘What do ye mean?’

‘I can’t issue it to you.’

‘But it’s the Bible.’

‘Yes, I know.’
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