Forever in My Heart: The Story of My Battle Against Cancer

Jade’s courage and love for her family and friends is clear for everyone to see.

I hope people feel inspired by her honesty. Jade always tells things like they are. And as her mum, I am so very proud of that.

Jackiey Budden

20th March 2009

Chapter One The Horrible News (#u1107cc9b-73c7-5b96-bcce-a49aa781cec3)

18th August 2008

I’d been in the Indian Big Brother house for three days and was really enjoying myself. They were a nice bunch of people–a famous chef, actors and actresses, dancers, even an MP–and I think I was getting on well with all of them. It was early evening and I was just on my way to the kitchen to get something to eat when the Big Brother voice boomed out telling me to go to the Diary Room.

Off I went, thinking they’d be giving me another task or whatever. The worst I could think would happen was that the Indian public hated me and had decided to vote me off already. I sat in the big leather chair in the Diary Room and one of the production team passed me their mobile phone.

‘What’s going on?’ I said. ‘Hello?’

It was my agent, Mark Thomas, calling from London.

‘Jade,’ he said, gently. ‘Your consultant needs to talk to you. It’s about your test results and it’s very, very urgent.’

I thought it was a wind-up. ‘You’re kidding me?’ I said. But I could tell from Mark’s voice that it was something serious.

‘It’s potentially bad news so he’s going to ring you himself,’ he replied. ‘Just stay there and I’ll get him to give you a call.’

I knew straight away what it must be about. I’d had ongoing problems with my periods for years by this stage, then on the 2nd of August, a Saturday night, I collapsed at home bleeding really heavily. I called an ambulance and they took me to Harlow Hospital.

No-one knew what was wrong and they kept me in for days doing loads of tests.

I had blood tests and a scan and they all came up clear.

Then on the Wednesday they did some laser surgery. I’ve had this done twice before, so I knew what to expect. It’s still not nice, though, I’m telling you!

Then I got a call on the Thursday from Mark.

‘Guess what?’ he says. ‘Indian Big Brother want you in the house!’

I was well excited. And Shilpa Shetty was hosting it, a real sign of how things had turned around for me. But of course Mark was worried about my health.

‘Make sure the docs say you’re okay to do it,’ he said.

I told them I’d need to be away for three months and they said it was fine. ‘Take some painkillers and don’t worry,’ they said. I had a few more test results still to come back but no one seemed worried about them.

Sitting there in the Big Brother house waiting for the phone call, I realised it must be to do with that. It’s the only health problem I had. What on earth had they found now?

I had to wait a whole half hour. I just sat there, fidgeting, wondering if this was a weird joke. Big Brother sometimes plays tricks on you–it’s part of what you sign up for–but I didn’t think they would do something like this. Could it be someone from home playing a practical joke? If it was, what a horrible one!

Finally the mobile phone rang again and the production assistant handed it to me.

A doctor came on the phone and introduced himself, then he launched straight in with the news.

‘Jade, we’ve looked at your biopsy and there are severe abnormalities. You need to fly home immediately,’ he said.

‘You what?!’ I replied.

‘You have cancer, Jade. It’s real and it’s serious.’

He carried on talking but I couldn’t hear anything any more. There was a buzzing in my ears. My legs turned to mush and I started crying. Really crying. I sank down onto the carpet.

The only thought in my head was, ‘My boys! Oh my god, I’m going to die.’ I just heard the word ‘cancer’ and thought ‘this is it!’

My tummy felt so sick, I thought I was going to throw up all over the floor.

‘Are you sure?’ I asked, and he told me again I needed to get myself home. That I needed treatment. That it was urgent.

When he hung up I sat there feeling lonelier than I’ve ever felt in my life. I was in Mumbai, in a house full of strangers, and had just been told the most horrible news. I was a million miles away from my home and everyone I loved.

It was only then that I remembered I was on a TV programme. It’s not the normal way to be told you have cancer. But then, what is normal in my life? To be honest, that seemed like the least of my worries at the time.

Someone pushed the phone into my hand and I spoke to my agent again.

‘Jade, you’ll be okay, love,’ he said, trying to calm me down.

‘I can’t believe this, Mark,’ I sobbed. ‘Is it some kind of sick wind-up?’

‘No,’ he replied. ‘I’ve checked the doctor out and he has treated you in Harlow before. I asked him if it was life or death and he said yes, you had to be told. You need to come home and we’ll get a second opinion straight away.’

I just couldn’t stop sobbing. So many thoughts were rushing in. I had no control.

My boys! My mum! Jack! I can’t die! I don’t want to, I’ve got too much to live for. Oh my god…

Cancer equalled death to me. I’m only twenty-seven, this can’t be happening.

I tried to dry my eyes with bits of tissue someone gave me.

‘Don’t tell anyone until I’ve had a chance to let your family know,’ said Mark. ‘I’ll call your mum and Jack as soon as we get off the line. Do you want to leave straight away? Or are you able to go back into the house and get your things?’

‘I’m okay,’ I sobbed. ‘I’ll go back in. Will you check up on that doctor again? And get a second opinion for me?’

Being on Bigg Boss, the Indian Big Brother, was supposed to be my Big Comeback–my way of getting over all that controversy two years before when I went on Celebrity Big Brother and had a falling out with Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty, so it had seemed like a great idea. The money was good and I needed it because I had spent the last year living off my savings.

I never expected to win or anything but I’d wanted the people of India to see what I was really like. It wasn’t supposed to end like this.

Things other doctors had told me were running through my head. They’d said they thought the heavy bleeding I’d had was just a bad period. Or stress. How could it be cancer? How could no one have seen this? How long had this cancer thing been growing silently inside of me? My whole body was shaking with fear.

I was more scared than I’d ever been in my life.

I left the Diary Room and went back into the house. I was planning to get my clothes and stuff but I could hardly see because of my swollen red eyes.