Star Quality

It hadn’t really thrown me, but I didn’t feel it was my place to go telling tales. If Caitlyn had wanted Mum to know she’d got in a hopeless muddle and lost her way, she’d have told her herself. All she’d said, when we’d arrived for our Friday-evening class with Mum, and Mum had asked her how things had gone, was, “All right. I think.” And then, a bit cheekily, she’d added, “Nowhere near as frightening as when I took my audition with you!”

I’d thought that was quite brave of her. Making a joke with Mum! Far braver than me making a joke with Miss Hickman. I also thought that it might actually have been true, since in some ways Mum is even more scary than Madam. But would Caitlyn still manage to be brave if she didn’t get in along with the rest of us? If me, and Alex, and Roz, all made it and she didn’t?

Mum must have guessed what I was thinking.

“Even if Caitlyn doesn’t have your confidence,” she said, “she’s not going to give up that easily. She’s had to fight for far too long and far too hard to fall at the first hurdle.”

“But, Mum,” I cried, “she’d be so upset!”

“She would,” agreed Mum. “Certainly to begin with. But if you want to get anywhere in life you have to be prepared to pick yourself up and carry on. I think you’ll find Caitlyn has more backbone than you imagine.”

All the same, I thought, it would be miserable going off to ballet school on my own. Perhaps my prayers were just a little bit for me as well as for Caitlyn, because how would I be able to enjoy myself, knowing how she would be feeling? And how would I ever be able to break it to her that I had got in when she hadn’t?

“It’s good that you’re loyal,” said Mum, “but give Caitlyn some credit … In spite of that meek exterior, she’s no pushover!”

I knew Mum was right. Caitlyn had been struggling to teach herself ballet for a whole year before I’d discovered what she was up to and had started to help her. Every day without fail she had practised in her bedroom, and later on in the gym before school, when no one else was around, copying steps out of some of the many ballet books she had.

It was hard enough doing class every day when you had a dragon like Mum breathing down your neck. Mum wouldn’t accept any excuses! Well, other than injury. Not even I would ever have dared to say I didn’t feel like it. Not even when I’d had a streaming cold or loads of homework or just a general feeling of fed-upness. I honestly wasn’t sure I’d have had the discipline to carry on all by myself, as Caitlyn had done. Obviously Caitlyn had never had any feelings of fed-upness. Never once had she lost sight of her dream.

Dreams can seem such flimsy things! I always picture them as being like puffy white clouds, high up in the sky, floating along quite happily until – poof! – a sudden gust of wind comes by and blows them to pieces, and all we’re left with is little bits and pieces, scattered through the universe.

Caitlyn’s dreams had obviously been made of sterner stuff. No gust of wind had ever come bursting into her daydreams. She had this fierce determination which had driven her on. But even the fiercest determination needed some encouragement!

Mum shook her head. “Maddy, you can’t fight other people’s battles for them,” she said. “You did all you could. Now it’s up to Caitlyn.”

I sighed. Common sense was all very well, but I did so want us to be together!

The next day, when I turned in at the school gates, I found Caitlyn waiting for me. Her face was one big beam.

“It came!” she cried.

“The letter?”

“Yes!”

“You got in?”

I didn’t really need to ask. The beam told me everything.

“I still can’t believe it! I honestly never thought I would. Not after messing up like that. I thought they’d just tell me to go away and not bother them. It’s all thanks to you! If I hadn’t been able to watch what you were doing, I—” She broke off. “You did get yours?” She looked at me, anxiously. “You did hear?”

“Not yet,” I said.

“Oh.” Her face fell. “Maybe it’ll be waiting for you when you get home.”

“Maybe,” I said. “Don’t worry about it. The main thing is that you’ve got in!”

“I won’t tell anyone,” promised Caitlyn. “Not till you’ve heard, as well!”

I struggled for a bit, then said, “That’s OK. You can tell people.”

I knew she must be dying to. But Caitlyn said no, it wouldn’t be fair. “We’ll wait till we can both do it.”

“What about Mum?” I said. “You ought to tell Mum! And Sean. You’ve got to tell Sean. Give him a call right now!”

“Now?” She looked shocked. “He might be asleep.”

“So wake him up! It’s good news; he’ll be happy. Go on, quick, before we have to go into class.”

“Wouldn’t it be better if you did it?” she said.

I said, “Me? Why me? I’m not the one that’s got good news!”

“Please,Maddy.” She clasped her hands together. “You do it! Then you can tell your mum, as well.”

I shook my head. “You are such a coward,” I said.

He was my brother, for goodness’ sake! And in spite of being one of Madam’s favourites and one of the Company’s leading dancers, he is one of the easiest people to talk to. Unlike some I could name (but won’t cos it could be libel), he doesn’t have any sort of star complex. Caitlyn really ought to know him well enough by now. It was high time she got over her schoolgirl crush! But it didn’t seem fair to nag her, specially when she’d been so noble and self-sacrificing about keeping her audition result a secret until I’d had mine.

I did rather wonder why my letter hadn’t yet come. I knew it wouldn’t be waiting for me when I got in cos the post had already arrived when I’d left that morning.

“D’you think the others have heard?” I said.

The minute I said it, Caitlyn turned pink all over again.

I said, “They have?”

“They texted me this morning,” she said. “They’ve both got in.”

“Why didn’t they text me?”

“Cos they knew I’d tell you?”

“But they’re my friends as much as yours! Why didn’t they text both of us?”

“Maybe because … cos we all know you’ll get in. You’re, like … up there –” she raised a hand above her head – “and we’re, like, sort of …”

“Sort of what?”

“What I mean –” she was starting to sound a bit desperate – “it’s like you’re royalty!”

I said, “What?”

“Your mum and dad! You’re like a sort of royal family. Of the ballet world,” she added, hastily.

I stared at her, horrified. “That’s completely mad! I’m just the same as the rest of you.”

“You’re not,” said Caitlyn. “You know you’re not. I’m very glad you’re not, cos if it hadn’t been for your mum …”