Star Quality

I’d once heard Mum and Dad discussing it and saying how maybe they’d made a mistake and pushed too hard. That maybe Jen’s heart hadn’t really been in it.

“I’d never give up just cos of having a baby,” I said. “I don’t even like babies all that much.”

Dad said, “Hah! Famous last words … That’s exactly what your mum used to say. And then she went on to have the three of you!”

“Yes, but I carried on dancing,” snapped Mum.

“Until you had me,” I said.

“You were an accident,” said Mum. “But anyway, it was nothing to do with Jen giving up. If you want to know the truth, your dad and I weren’t totally convinced that at the age of eleven you had the necessary discipline for full-time training.”

I stared at her, indignantly. How could she say that? When I’d been dutifully attending classes three times a week for almost as long as I could remember! I hadn’t ever grumbled or complained. Not even when she’d told me my arms were like waterlogged balloons or my fingers like bunches of sausages. In front of the entire class! I’d never resented it. Well, only a little bit. It had never stopped me trying to improve. I’d always worked hard; I’d passed all my exams. What more did she want?

“We just needed to make sure,” said Mum, “that you were really committed. I’ve felt once or twice with Jen that maybe she was only going along to please me and your dad, because it was expected of her, and that perhaps if we’d held her back a bit she might have chosen a different path. We always knew with Sean that his heart was set on it. He only waited till he was older because boys can. There wasn’t any particular rush. But thirteen is a perfectly good age! You don’t have to look all reproachful. You’ve been accepted; you’ll be starting in September. What’s the problem?”

I said, “There’ll be some people that have been there two years already!”

It would make me feel inferior. Everyone would know who my mum and dad were. They would wonder why I’d left it so late.

I’d never thought that way before; I’d always just accepted that I would go to ballet school when I was thirteen. I’d never really queried it. I hadn’t had any idea that Mum and Dad were holding me back cos they didn’t think I had enough discipline! It came as a bit of a shock, to be honest.

“You won’t be the only one who’s just starting,” said Dad. “And let’s face it, you couldn’t have had any better training. Your mum may be a tyrant, but believe me, there’ll come a time when you’ll thank her for that!”

“Yes, and just think,” said Mum, “if we’d let you go when you were eleven, you would never have met Caitlyn. We all know how much she owes you, but it’s far from being a one-way street … It wasn’t until you made her your pet project that you really started to show commitment. I was so proud when she took that audition with me and I knew that it was you who’d been teaching her … I couldn’t have done a better job myself!”

I glowed. I couldn’t help it! Mum almost never praises me. The most she’ll say is, “That’s a bit better.” Not even better: just a bit better.

Dad caught my eye and winked. “Wonders will never cease, eh?”

“What wonders?” said Mum.

“Maddy knows! Don’t you?”

I giggled and nodded. It was good, having Dad on my side.

“You and your little secrets,” said Mum. She patted my head as she left the room. “I think you’ll find I always give praise when praise is due.”

“So there you have it,” said Dad. “If I were you, Mads, I’d go away and have a bit of a gloat … I’d say you deserve one!”

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It was our very first day at CBS. Caitlyn had begged me to wait for her at Waterloo so that we could walk there together. She’d said, “I know it’s silly, but I’m all trembly.” I hadn’t teased her cos to be honest even I felt a bit of a quiver as we went in through the main entrance. We may have been coming to the school for almost a year for our extension classes, but we had only been visitors then. It was very different being full-time students. At last we could feel that we really belonged.

We’d spent the morning having registration, copying timetables and doing ordinary academic lessons – maths, English and geography, in this case – just as we would at any normal school. Now, at last, it was lunchtime. A group of us were sitting at a long table in the canteen, all eagerly looking forward to our first dance class of the day. There was me and Caitlyn, Roz and Alex, Tiffany Blanche, a tiny girl from Hong Kong called Mei, and Tiffany’s friend Amber, whose surname I couldn’t remember.

“Hey!” Tiffany suddenly leaned across and prodded me. “Maddy! Why was it again that you didn’t come here at eleven, same as most of us?”

It was the second time she’d asked me. The first time I hadn’t lowered myself to reply. I hadn’t liked the way she’d asked the question! All superior, like anyone that was any good would have joined the school ages ago. What business was it of hers why I hadn’t come when I was eleven? Now here she was, at it again, poking me, hoping to hear that I’d initially been turned down and had had to reapply.

You can tell with some people that they just want to score a point. I knew why she wanted to score a point. We’d hardly gathered for registration before Mei had recognised me and squeaked, “Oh! You’re Sean O’Brien’s sister! I saw your photo in a dancemagazine!”

“Not just me,” I said, hurriedly.

It had been all of us. Mum, Dad, me, Sean. Even Jen, who wasn’t dancing any more. Ballet’s Royal Family was what it had said. It had made me want to cringe. Caitlyn, needless to say, had been triumphant. She’d laughed and said, “Royal family … I told you so!”

I wished Mei hadn’t seen it. I hadn’t asked to be photographed. It’s incredibly embarrassing when you’re doing your best to be just another dance student and no different from anybody else. It hadn’t bothered me at school when my friends had gone round boasting to everyone that “Maddy’s family is famous!”Theyweren’t actually famous, except in the ballet world, and no one at school had been particularly impressed. Being a ballet dancer isn’t exactly the same as being a pop star. But now I was with people for whom ballet was the most important thing in the whole world. The last thing I wanted was to be singled out. I didn’t mind them knowing who my mum and dad were, or that Sean was my brother. It wasn’t like I was trying to keep it a secret. I couldn’t have done, anyway. Almost everyone already knew. The dance world is quite small and Mei wouldn’t be the only one who’d seen the photograph. But drawing attention to it had obviously got right up Tiffany’s nose! And now she was getting right up mine. Was I the one who’d mentioned my family?

“I’d have thought,” said Tiffany, dipping her spoon into her yoghurt pot, “that you wouldn’t have wanted to waste any time. Personally I couldn’t wait to get here!”

“Me neither.” Amber nodded, eagerly. “I knew I wanted to come here right from the very beginning.”

“Maddy knew from the very beginning that she was going to come,” said Roz.

“So why didn’t she?”

“What d’you mean, why didn’t she? She has. She is. Isn’t she?”

Roz stared round as if to say, or am I seeing things?

“She is now,” said Amber.

“You surely must have been ready for it?” Tiffany was leaning forward again. A clump of yoghurt went splodging on to the table. “Oops!” She scooped it up and put it into her mouth. “I mean, it would be rather odd if you weren’t.”

I seethed, inwardly. I’d told Mum this would happen!

“I could have come earlier if I’d wanted,” I said. I probably could have, if I’d nagged hard enough. It had just never occurred to me. I’d always been quite happy to wait till I was thirteen. Until now.

A wave of doubt suddenly engulfed me. Could it mean that Mum was right? That it wasn’t until starting to teach Caitlyn that I’d developed a proper sense of commitment?

“You honestly didn’t want to?” said Tiffany. She and Amber exchanged glances. They shook their heads. Unbelievable!

“You probably didn’t need to come earlier, did you?” said Mei. “Not if you had your mum to teach you.”

“Yes, cos Maddy’s mum,” said Roz, “she’s f—”

“Yeah, yeah!” Tiffany rocked back on her chair. “We all know who her mum is. And her dad. And her brother.”

“This is what I’m saying,” said Roz. “Maddy could have come here any time. But when you’ve got one of the best teachers in the world …”

I cringed. Mum is one of the best teachers. Roz was trying so hard to be loyal! But she was just making matters worse. And now Caitlyn was chipping in, as well.

“If anyone wasn’t ready,” she said, “it was me.”

“Oh?” Tiffany’s gaze immediately switched direction. “Why’s that?”

“Cos I didn’t even start learning till I was eleven.”

“You didn’t start learning?” Amber’s gaze had also switched direction. It was like Caitlyn was some kind of creature from outer space, the way they were studying her.