Miracle Under The Mistletoe

It was the way she should set about it that was the big question—how to totally and completely erase Sean Fitzgerald from her consciousness. Oh, she had tried her best over the past couple of years and thought she had succeeded too, but obviously not. He was still there in her head, a spectre from her past who refused to budge, and until she rid herself of him then she would never be free to move on. Maybe it had been a mistake to try to blot him out of her mind, to try and forget the heartache he had caused her. Maybe she needed to face up to it, to face up to him?

It was Sean who had called the shots in the past, Sean who had ended their affair too, but maybe she needed to take charge this time—instigate another affair with him and bring it to a conclusion when she decided the time was right. One of the worst things about the whole unhappy experience was the effect it had had on her self-confidence. She’d been left feeling used, feeling like a victim, and she wasn’t prepared to put up with feeling that way any more. This time neither her life nor her heart would be left in tatters. This time she would make sure of that!

‘So what’s it to be then? Are you going to wait for the next bus—a long and undoubtedly chilly wait—or are you going to accept my offer of a lift? I mean we did agree to call a truce, so what’s the problem?’

Sean dredged up a deliberately taunting smile although it wasn’t easy, he had to admit. There was just something about the expression on Molly’s face that had set all his internal alarm bells ringing. He had seen that kind of expression before on other women’s faces and had learned to tread warily until he discovered its cause. Whilst he had no idea what Molly was planning, instinct warned him that he wasn’t going to like it.

‘There isn’t a problem. Why not, if you’re going my way?’

Molly walked round to the passenger’s side and got in, leaving Sean suddenly wishing that he had never made the offer in the first place. The less time he spent with Molly, the better, quite frankly, but he could hardly renege on his offer now. He slid the car into gear and drove out of the gates, his mind racing this way and that. Was Molly plotting something, some sort of payback perhaps for the way he had treated her? It wouldn’t be the first time it had happened, although fortunately he had managed to deflect the woman’s ire before it had caused too much damage. However, if that was what Molly was planning then it might not be as easy to resolve the problem this time. The difference was that he cared about Molly and would hate to do anything that might hurt her even more.

They drove through the centre of the town in silence. Sean was so caught up in wondering what Molly might be planning to do that he found it impossible to make small-talk as he normally would have done. She lived in a tiny terraced cottage close to the river and he drew up outside with a feeling of relief. If she really was looking to pay him back then the best solution was to steer well clear of her. Fair enough, they would still have to work together, but outside of work he would make sure he kept his distance. It was only what he had intended to do after all—stay away from her—so it was surprising how much the idea stung.

‘Right. Here you are. I bet you’re looking forward to getting to bed. I know I am.’

It was meant to be an off-the-cuff remark, a throwaway comment free from any significance. However, the second the words were out of his mouth, Sean regretted them. Why in heaven’s name had he mentioned bed? Stirring up those kinds of memories was the last thing he should be doing!

‘Hmm. It’s always good to snuggle down in a nice warm bed after working nights, isn’t it?’ Molly replied in a tone he had never heard her use before.

Sean felt the hair all over his body spring to attention and then salute. Felt other bits of him follow suit and almost groaned out loud in dismay. When had Molly perfected the art of sounding so … so seductive? Two years ago he would have described her as the girl-next-door: sweet, warm, loving and giving. Now she sounded more like a siren and, worst of all, he was responding to her call! Panic overwhelmed him at that point. It made no difference that he was highly experienced in the ways of women; it still took a massive effort of will to control his baser urges.

‘It is.’ He dredged up a smile, not wanting her to guess how he really felt in case it gave her an advantage. Quite frankly, it seemed to him that she was already holding all the aces. If he didn’t want to end up with the losing hand, then he needed to be extremely careful how he played this game. ‘Right, I’d better be off then. I hope you manage to get your car sorted out.’

‘I hope so too.’ She leant towards him as she unfastened her seat belt and he inwardly shuddered when he felt the warmth of her breath caress his cheek. ‘Thanks for the lift, Sean. I really appreciate it. Can I tempt you to come in for a cup of coffee as a thank you, perhaps?’

Her green eyes stared straight into his and Sean felt his resolve start to crumble away when he saw the invitation they held. It was obvious that coffee wasn’t the only thing on her mind.

‘Thanks but I’d better get straight off home,’ he mumbled, praying that he would manage to hold out long enough to make his excuses and leave, as the tabloid journalists were so fond of saying. ‘There’s a couple of things I need to do this afternoon, so the sooner I get to sleep the better.’

‘Pity. Still, there’s always another time.’ She gave him a lingering smile then opened the car door.

Sean gripped tight hold of the steering wheel as she climbed out, knowing that if he let go he would regret it. He wouldn’t follow her inside the house, he told himself sternly, not on any pretext. Not when he felt this way. He made himself sit there and wait while she unlocked the front door, even managed to wave before he drove away, but his heart was going nineteen to the dozen. He had a very good idea what Molly was plotting, what form her retribution would take. She was planning to seduce him and, once he was under her spell, then undoubtedly she would ditch him exactly as he had done to her. Quite frankly, he wasn’t sure what shocked him most, the fact that sweet, gentle Molly should come up with such a plan, or how much the idea terrified him.

After all, now he knew what was afoot, he could take steps to prevent it happening, couldn’t he? He could resist her overtures and stick to being a colleague and nothing more. It should be easy-peasy but he knew in his heart that it wouldn’t be. The problem was that he wasn’t sure if he could resist if Molly tried to lure him back into her bed. Even though he might know why she was doing it, would it be enough to put him off? Or would the thought of holding her in his arms and experiencing everything he had felt two years ago prove too much?

Sean groaned as he drew up at the traffic lights when they changed to red. Logically, the fact that Molly was simply trying to pay him back for what he had done to her should have been enough to guarantee that he would refuse to get involved with her again. However, it wasn’t his head that was dictating his actions this time but his heart, and his heart was playing by its own rules. There was no guarantee that he could hold out if Molly was determined to get her own way. Absolutely no guarantee at all.

CHAPTER FOUR (#ulink_5647fa8f-5c77-5501-a37f-bfabdbadbf87)

MOLLY COULD SCARCELY believe what she had just done. As she made her way into the kitchen and flopped down onto a chair, she could feel her heart thumping. She had just—quite blatantly too—tried to seduce Sean!

She took a deep breath and made herself hold it for the count of ten, but it didn’t help. Her nerves were fizzing, her heart racing, and other bits of her—well, she couldn’t begin to describe what they were doing. Never in all of her twenty-seven years had she done such a thing. All right, so maybe she had decided to be more proactive in her approach to any future relationships, but it was one thing to think about it and another entirely to put it into practice. If Sean had come in for coffee then would she have gone through with it and invited him into her bed as well?

She shot to her feet, unable to deal with the thought or the one that followed it. Had Sean guessed what she was planning and was that why he had been so eager to leave? After all, it wasn’t the first time he had rejected her, was it? Sean had made it perfectly clear two years ago that he wasn’t interested in her and yet she had still gone ahead with her crazy scheme. He was probably laughing his head off at her pathetic attempt to seduce him!

Molly groaned out loud, feeling completely humiliated. How could she face him again after this? She would have to try to change her shifts and avoid working with him, although it wouldn’t be easy to do so. The Christmas and New Year rosters had been prepared weeks ago and making changes at this late stage would create far too many problems. No, she couldn’t see it happening, which meant she would just have to grit her teeth and get on with it. All she could do was pray that he wouldn’t mention what had happened that morning. She honestly didn’t think she could cope with being subjected to any of his teasing remarks or, worse still, becoming the object of his pity.

It was all very depressing. Molly’s spirits were at an all-time low as she heated some milk in the microwave and made herself a cup of hot chocolate, hoping it would soothe her rattled nerves enough so that she could sleep. However, after an hour spent tossing and turning in her bed, she gave up. How could she sleep with all these thoughts milling around inside her head?

She went into the sitting room and curled up on the sofa, telling herself that it was silly to panic. After all, nothing had happened, had it? Even if Sean had guessed what she had been planning to do, there was still time to change her mind. Quite honestly, it wasn’t worth it if it caused this kind of upset; she would be stupid to go ahead … And yet there was still that niggling little thought at the back of her mind that she would never be entirely free of him until she had brought their relationship to a conclusion in her own time and in her own way too.

Molly closed her eyes, trying to imagine how she would feel afterwards. Elated, possibly? Relieved, hopefully? People continually trotted out that well-worn phrase about finding closure, so was that what would happen? Would it bring things to a nice tidy finale if she slept with Sean and subsequently dumped him?

She tried her best to imagine how she would feel but it was impossible to see into the future. She could only go by how she was feeling at this very moment—confused, embarrassed, scared. What if she followed through with her plan and it backfired on her? What if she slept with Sean only to find that she had fallen under his spell once again? That would only make matters even worse.

Her thoughts spun round and round in circles until she felt positively giddy. She knew that it was pointless going back to bed as she would never be able to sleep. She showered and dressed then left the house, hoping that a walk would help to calm her. She took the path leading to the river, carefully picking her way around the icy puddles. The river looked sluggish this morning, a skin of ice coating its surface. There were some ducks slipping and sliding their way across the ice and she stopped to watch them for a moment before the biting cold drove her on. When she came to the path leading up to the town centre, she hesitated, wondering if she should treat herself to coffee and a croissant before she went home. She hadn’t had anything to eat since she’d got back from work and her stomach was rumbling.

Molly followed the path and soon arrived at the market square. The council had erected a huge Christmas tree in the centre of it and she stopped to admire it. There was a group of carol singers from one of the local churches gathered around it and she listened as they sang several well-known carols. It was all very festive and so very normal that she started to relax. There was no point getting het up. The choice was hers. She could either put her plan into action or forget about it.

‘All very Christmassy, isn’t it? I love hearing Christmas carols at this time of the year, don’t you?’

Molly spun round, feeling her heart leap into her throat when she found Sean standing beside her. ‘What are you doing here?’ she snapped, unable to hide her dismay. That he should turn up just when she was starting to get her thoughts together was too much.

‘Same as you, I imagine. Enjoying the singing.’

He gave her a quick smile then dug into his pocket and dropped a handful of change into the bucket when a child approached them, looking for donations, and the fact that he didn’t even bother to check how much he had given struck a chord in Molly’s memory. Sean had always been incredibly generous, the first to donate whenever anyone was raising money for a good cause. It was one of the things she had admired most about him, in fact, his unstinting generosity.

It was such a small thing yet it had a profound effect on her. Somewhere along the way, she had forgotten all the things she had liked about him. The pain of his leaving had negated everything else yet all of a sudden it all came rushing back: his generosity, his kindness, his compassion for those less fortunate than himself. Sean had possessed so many good qualities, so many things to commend him that she found herself wondering all of a sudden why he had behaved so out of character towards her. Sean cared about people, genuinely cared, so why had he been so cruel when he had ended their relationship?

‘How about that cup of coffee you mentioned earlier?’

Molly jumped when he touched her lightly on the arm. She’d been so lost in her thoughts that she had no idea what he had said. ‘Pardon?’

‘Coffee.’ He smiled down at her, his blue eyes filled with laughter and another emotion that she had never expected to see again. Did he really care about her, or was he merely a highly accomplished actor? She had no idea and before she could attempt to work it out he slid his hand under her elbow. ‘I fancy a coffee and a croissant so will you join me, Molly? I think we deserve a treat after the busy night we had, don’t you?’

He briskly led her across the pavement to the cafе before she had a chance to reply, opening the cafе door with a flourish that set the brass bell jingling. Molly took a deep breath as she stepped inside, drinking in the scent of coffee and warm pastries. Her senses seemed to be ridiculously heightened all of a sudden so that the familiar aromas seemed richer and more enticing than ever. Even the colours of the checked tablecloths seemed brighter, the reds and blues and greens dazzling her eyes. It was as though she had stepped out of the gloom into full, glorious daylight and it was the strangest experience.

‘Oh, look. That couple’s leaving. Go and grab their table while I order our coffee.’

Sean gave her a little push towards the newly vacant table and Molly obediently headed in that direction. She sat down, automatically unwinding her scarf and removing her woolly hat. What was going on? Why did she feel this way, as though she had suddenly woken from a deep sleep?

‘Here we go. They’ll fetch our coffee over in a moment. I ordered you a latte. I hope that was OK. It used to be your favourite, if I remember correctly.’

Sean had reappeared with a tray heaped with warm croissants and miniature pots of jam and Molly jumped. She could feel her pulse popping as she watched him unload everything onto the table, croissants and jam, napkins and knives. He was quick and deft, his hands soon setting everything to rights, but that was his way. Whatever Sean did, he did it well. From work to something as mundane as setting a table, he gave it his all. That was why it had been such a pleasure to be with him. Everything appeared more interesting, more vibrant when Sean was around.

Even her.

Molly took a croissant off the plate and bit into it, savouring its buttery richness. It had been ages since anything had tasted so good, two years in fact. Two long years, during which time she had lived her life in the shadows. Now Sean was back, everything had changed. Now she felt completely and fully alive. And it simply proved just how desperately she needed to break his hold over her.

‘Thanks.’

Sean smiled as the waitress placed their coffees on the table. He saw the interest in the girl’s eyes as she smiled back at him but he ignored it. At any other time he might have been tempted to follow up on it and ask her out on a date. It was something he had done more times than he could count over the years, but he wasn’t even tempted. Not when he was with Molly. He simply wasn’t interested in other women when he was with her. He never had been.

It was a sobering thought, doubly so when it was the first time he had admitted it. When he and Molly had been seeing one another, he hadn’t looked at another woman. She had filled his thoughts to the exclusion of anyone else. Was that why he had ended their affair so abruptly? he wondered. Because he had realised on some inner level that he was getting far too involved with her? At the time he had told himself that he was doing it for her sake, that he was taking steps to protect her, but had his decision been less altruistic than he had thought? Had he been trying to protect himself as much as her?

It was an unsettling thought and one that Sean knew he was going to have to think about. He couldn’t just brush it under the carpet as he normally would do—that wouldn’t work. He needed to examine his feelings, face up to how he had felt two years ago, and take whatever action was necessary to ensure it didn’t happen again. The problem was that he had put Molly on a bit of a pedestal, painted her in his mind as the ideal woman, and it was time he stopped doing that. Maybe Molly’s plan wasn’t so way off-beam as he had thought. If they resumed their affair, it could help him put things into perspective.

It was something else that Sean knew he needed to think about, but not right now. He helped himself to a croissant, murmuring appreciatively as he bit into it. ‘This is delicious! No wonder the place is packed, although I don’t remember the food being this good when I ate here before.’