The Rebel Who Loved Her

Ewan heard the dismay in her voice and grimaced. It was obvious that his arrival was less of a pleasant surprise than it could have been. He summoned a smile, not wanting her to suspect how much the idea stung. ‘I thought I’d pop in to see how you were doing. I’m having lunch with my parents so I was heading this way.’

‘Oh, I see.’

She dredged up a smile but it was such a poor effort that Ewan found himself wishing he hadn’t bothered. Even if there was something troubling her, why would she choose to tell him?

‘I should have phoned first.’ He shrugged dismissively. Although he wasn’t vain, most of the women he knew would have been more than happy to have him turn up on their doorsteps unannounced. ‘I’ve been working in Australia for too long. I’d forgotten how much more formal life is here in England. Sorry.’

‘It’s fine, really. I … erm … it’s nice to see you.’

Ewan’s teeth snapped together. Nice! Quite frankly, she couldn’t have said anything more guaranteed to offend him. The first prickle of anger ran through his veins and he smiled sardonically. ‘There’s no need to be polite, Becky. I can tell you’re not exactly overjoyed to see me. Not to worry, I’m not stopping. Enjoy your day.’

He headed back up the path, his temper hovering just below boiling point. So Becky wasn’t interested in seeing him; so what? It wasn’t going to make any difference to his life.

‘Ewan, wait!’

Ewan stopped reluctantly. He turned around, feeling his heart jolt when he saw her hurrying after him. She was carrying Millie in her arms and the picture they made was one he knew would stay with him for a long time to come. His pulse was racing when Becky came to a halt in front of him, the blood pounding through his veins in a way that made him feel both dizzy and yet wonderfully clear-headed.

This was what he wanted from life, he realised with sudden, startling clarity. He didn’t need riches to be happy or professional acclaim. He just wanted someone to love and their child, and he would have everything he could possibly desire. The only thing wrong with the scenario was that it was Becky who featured in it, Becky who had made it abundantly clear that she didn’t want anything to do with him!

Becky could feel herself trembling as she put Millie down. Even though she knew she was probably making a mistake, she couldn’t let Ewan leave like this. He had come with the express intention of checking she was all right and all she’d done was throw his kindness back in his face.

‘Don’t go,’ she said, her voice catching. ‘I know I wasn’t exactly welcoming, but please don’t leave like this.’

‘There’s no point my staying if you don’t want me here.’ His tone was cool and she shivered. Ewan sighed softly. ‘It’s all right, Becky. I understand, really I do.’

‘Do you?’ It was impossible to keep the anxiety out of her voice and he grimaced.

‘Yes. You’re worried in case I want to pick up where we left off.’ He didn’t give her chance to reply as he continued flatly. ‘Well, there’s no need. That’s all in the past and I just thought it would be good if we could be friends.’

‘Friends?’ she echoed uncertainly. Was he right? Was she worried in case he tried to resurrect their relationship, or was it more complicated than that?

‘Yes.’ He smiled. ‘I could be wrong, but I’ve a feeling you could do with a friend right now.’

Becky felt a surge of emotion well up inside her when she heard the sympathy in his voice. She swallowed hard, desperately trying to hold back her tears. Ewan obviously realised her predicament because he bent down and smiled at Millie.

‘How about another go on the swing, poppet?’

Becky watched as he led Millie back into the garden. How had he known that she didn’t want Millie to see her crying? she wondered. He had accused her of being a mind-reader the other day, but he appeared to be equally skilled in the art.

It was a worrying thought in view of the fact that there was a lot she didn’t want him to know. Becky took her time, wanting to be sure that she had herself under control before she went to join him and Millie. The little girl was having the time of her life, kicking her legs up and down as Ewan pushed the swing.

‘’Gain! ’Gain!’ she shouted each time the swing slowed down.

‘That’s high enough, sweetie. We don’t want you flying right up into the sky, do we?’ Ewan said, laughing. He glanced at Becky and raised his brows. ‘All right?’

‘Fine.’ She shrugged, embarrassed about what had happened. Normally, she kept a rein on her emotions but she didn’t seem able to do that when Ewan was around. ‘Things just get on top of me at times, that’s all.’

‘It’s only to be expected after everything you’ve been through.’

The kindness in his voice brought more tears to her eyes and she blinked them away. ‘Perhaps. But I try to hold it together for Millie’s sake.’

‘I can understand that, but you can’t be brave all the time. It won’t do you any good in the long run.’

He touched her hand, his fingers lingering for just a moment before he turned to push the swing once more, but Becky felt a frisson of awareness race from her hand and travel through her entire body. It felt as though every cell was suddenly on fire, creating an immense amount of heat inside her. It had been ages since she had felt this way, she realised. Not since those first heady days when she had met Ewan at the hospital had a touch aroused her so swiftly, so completely. She had never felt this way with Steve, not even when they had made love.

The thought was too unsettling to deal with. Becky summoned a smile, refusing to dwell on it. ‘Do you fancy a cup of coffee?’

‘I’d love one, but don’t go to any trouble on my account,’ Ewan said flatly. ‘I didn’t mean to intrude, Becky. I just wanted to check you were all right.’

‘I know.’ She looked into his eyes, feeling warmth envelop her again when she saw the concern they held. Despite the less than effusive reception he’d received, it was obvious that Ewan genuinely cared about her. She sighed, knowing that she owed him an apology. ‘I really do appreciate you coming here, Ewan, even if it didn’t seem like it.’

‘It doesn’t matter. So long as you’re all right, that’s the main thing.’

He smiled at her, his face breaking into a heart-melting smile, and Becky’s heart did what was expected and melted. She turned away, afraid that if she didn’t put some distance between them she would do something really stupid. Hurrying into the kitchen, she filled the kettle, her mind racing. Tempting though it was, it wouldn’t be fair to pour out the whole story to Ewan and expect him to absolve her of any guilt. Maybe he wanted them to be friends, but how would he feel if he found out the truth about the accident and her part in it? Would he still want to be her friend then?

Pain lanced her heart as she watched him pushing the swing. She wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t want anything to do with her when he found out that she was responsible for Steve’s death.

CHAPTER FOUR

‘THAT’S GREAT. Thank you.’

Ewan spooned sugar into the mug of coffee that Becky had placed in front of him, wondering what on earth he was doing. What was the point of dragging this out when it was obvious that she had mixed feelings about him being here? He should have taken his leave when he’d had the chance, once he was sure she was all right.

He sighed as he watched her carry Millie into the house for her morning nap. Seeing Becky cry like that had been so damned hard. He had ached to take her in his arms and comfort her, but what comfort could he have offered when she was grieving for the man she loved? His heart spasmed with a pain that surprised him. It shouldn’t matter how Becky felt about her late husband, but he’d be lying if he said that he didn’t care.

‘She went out like a light. She’ll probably sleep till lunchtime by the look of her.’

Becky came back and sat down. Ewan summoned a smile, determined that he wasn’t going to let her know how ambivalent he felt. Maybe he was still attracted to her but that was all it was; he’d get over it. ‘She seems happy enough, I must say. I take it that she’s adapted to living here.’

‘She has.’

Becky picked up her mug and blew gently on her coffee to cool it. Ewan looked away when he felt his stomach muscles clench. The sight of her beautiful lips puckering that way was playing havoc with his self-control. He had to force himself to concentrate as she continued in a no-nonsense tone that immediately demolished any half-baked ideas he’d been harbouring about her doing it deliberately. Becky definitely wasn’t trying to be provocative!

‘I was really worried that the move would unsettle her but Millie’s taken it in her stride. She seems really happy living here with my parents.’

‘It must be a relief,’ Ewan observed, doing his best to match her tone. He had to accept that Becky wasn’t interested in him that way. Maybe she had been interested once but it was a long time ago.

‘It is.’ She took a sip of coffee then put the mug down with a sigh. ‘Although it wasn’t just Millie I was worried about, if I’m honest. I wasn’t sure if moving back here was the right thing for me either.’

‘Because it was a wrench to leave the life you and Steve had created for yourselves?’ he suggested, although it felt a little like rubbing salt into a wound. However, he couldn’t ignore the fact that she had been married even if he wanted to.

‘It was more the thought of having to move back in with my parents, actually,’ she admitted, then flushed when he looked at her in surprise.

‘Really?’ Ewan found it impossible to keep the astonishment out of his voice.

‘Yes, really.’ Her tone was defensive. ‘Steve and I hadn’t lived in Christchurch for very long. We moved around quite a bit so that Steve could further his career.’ She shrugged. ‘I expect that’s why it didn’t seem such a wrench to leave—I hadn’t had time to put down any roots.’

‘I see.’ It made sense, yet Ewan had a feeling that it wasn’t the real explanation. He frowned as he weighed up what he’d heard. Had Becky’s marriage not been as happy as he’d thought, or was he merely putting his own interpretation on what she’d said? He realised that he needed to find out, although he wasn’t prepared to examine his reasons too closely. Suffice it to say that he needed to know all he could if he was to help her.