The Dictionary of Body Language

The Dictionary of Body Language is that field guide. Organized by areas of the body—moving from the head down to the feet—it contains more than four hundred of the most important body-language observations I have made over the course of my career. My hope is that reading through The Dictionary of Body Language will give you the same insight into human behavior that I and other FBI agents have used to decode human behavior. Of course, we have used it when questioning suspects of crime. But you can use it as I have every day since I came to this country—to more fully understand those we interact with at work or at play. In social relationships, I can think of no better way to comprehend your friends or partners than by studying the primary means by which we communicate—nonverbally.

If you have ever wondered why we do the things we do, or what a particular behavior means, my hope is to satisfy your curiosity. As you go through the dictionary, act out the behaviors that you read about and get a sense for how they appear as well as they feel. By acting these out, you will better remember them the next time you see them. If you are like me and enjoy people watching, if you want to discern what people are thinking, feeling, desiring, fearing, or intending, whether at work, at home, or in the classroom, read on.

The Head

All behavior, of course, originates from inside the head. The brain is constantly at work, whether on a conscious or subconscious level. The signals that go out from the brain regulate the heart, breathing, digestion, and many other functions—but the exterior of the head is tremendously important as well. The hair, forehead, eyebrows, eyes, nose, lips, ears, and chin all communicate in their own way—from our general health to emotional distress. And so we begin with the part of the body that, from the time we are born until we die, we look to for useful information—first as parents, later as friends, work mates, lovers—to reveal for us what is in the mind.

1. HEAD ADORNMENT—Head adornment is used across all cultures for a variety of reasons. It can communicate leadership status (Native American chiefs’ feather headdresses), occupation (a hard hat or miner’s hat), social status (a bowler hat or an Yves Saint Laurent pillbox hat), hobbies (bicycle or rock-climbing helmet), religion (cardinal’s cap, Jewish yarmulke), or allegiance (favorite sports team, labor union). Head adornments may offer insight into individuals: where they fit in society, their allegiances, their socioeconomic status, what they believe, how they see themselves, or even the degree to which they defy convention.

2. HAIR—Sitting conveniently on top of the head, our hair conveys so much when it comes to nonverbal communication. Healthy hair is something all humans look for, even on a subconscious level. Hair that is dirty, unkempt, pulled out, or uncared for may suggest poor health or even mental illness. Hair attracts, entices, conforms, repels, or shocks. It can even communicate something about our careers; as renowned anthropologist David Givens puts it, hair often serves as an “unofficial résumé,” revealing where one ranks in an organization. And in many cultures hair is critical to dating and romance. People tend to follow both cultural norms and current trends with their hair; if they ignore these societal standards, they stand out.

3. PLAYING WITH HAIR—Playing with our hair (twirling, twisting, stroking) is a pacifying behavior. It is most frequently utilized by women and might indicate either a good mood (while reading or relaxing) or stress (when waiting for an interview, for example, or experiencing a bumpy flight). Note that when the palm of the hand faces the head it is more likely to be a pacifier, as opposed to the palm-out orientation discussed below. Pacifying behaviors soothe us psychologically when we feel stress or anxiety; they also help us to pass the time. As we grow older we go from pacifying by sucking our thumbs to such behaviors as lip biting, nail biting, or facial stroking.

4. PLAYING WITH HAIR (PALM OUT)—When women play with their hair with the palm of the hand facing out, it is more of a public display of comfort—a sign that they are content and confident around others. We usually only expose the underside of our wrists to others when we are comfortable or at ease. This is often seen in dating scenarios where the woman will play with her hair, palm out, while talking to someone in whom she is interested.

5. RUNNING FINGERS THROUGH HAIR (MEN)—When stressed, men will run their fingers through their hair both to ventilate their heads (this lets air in to cool the vascular surface of the scalp) and to stimulate the nerves of the skin as they press down. This can also be a sign of concern or doubt.

6. VENTILATING HAIR (WOMEN)—The ventilating of hair is a powerful pacifier, relieving both heat and stress. Women ventilate their hair differently than men. Women lift up the hair at the back of their neck quickly when concerned, upset, stressed, or flustered. If they do it repeatedly, most likely they are overly stressed. Nevertheless, we cannot discount overheating due to physical activity or ambient temperature as a cause. Men tend to ventilate on the top of the head by running their fingers through the hair.

7. HAIR FLIPPING/TOUCHING—Hair flipping, touching, or pulling is common when we are trying to attract the attention of a potential mate. The movement of the hand as it touches the hair is often deemed attractive (note most any hair commercial). Our orientation reflex (OR), a primitive reaction that alerts us to any movement, is especially attuned to hand movements—something magicians have always counted on. A hand reaching for the hair can draw our attention even from across the room. Incidentally, the orientation reflex operates on such a subconscious level, it is even seen in coma patients as the eyes track movement.

8. HAIR PULLING—The intentional and repetitive pulling out of hair is called trichotillomania. Hair pulling is more often seen in children and teenagers who are experiencing stress, but it is also occasionally seen in adults. Men tend to pluck hair from the corners of their eyebrows, while women are far more wide-ranging: plucking their eyelids, head hair, eyebrows, and arm hair. This is a stress response; even birds will pull out their own feathers when stressed. The repetitive pulling out of the hair, like a nervous tic, pacifies by stimulating nerve endings; unfortunately, when it becomes severe, it requires medical intervention.

9. HEAD NODDING—During conversations nodding serves to affirm, usually in cadence, that the person is hearing and receptive to a message. Generally, it signals agreement, except in those situations where the head nodding is accompanied by lip pursing (see #154), which might suggest disagreement.

10. HEAD NODDING (CONTRADICTION)—We usually see this in young children, as when a parent asks a child “Did you break the lamp?” and the child answers “No” but nods. This contradictory behavior betrays the truth. I have seen this with kids, teenagers, and even adults.

11. HEAD PATTING, BACK OF HEAD—When we are perplexed or mentally conflicted, we often find ourselves patting the back of our head with one hand, perhaps even stroking our hair downward as we struggle for an answer. This behavior is soothing because of both the tactile sensation and the warmth that is generated. Like most hand-to-body touching, this is a pacifying behavior that reduces stress or anxiety.

12. HEAD SCRATCHING—Head scratching soothes us when we have doubts or feel frustrated, stressed, or concerned. You see it with people trying to remember information or when they are perplexed. This explains why it is often seen by teachers as students ponder a test question. Very rapid head scratching often signals high stress or concern. It can also signal the person is conflicted as to what to do next.

13. HEAD STROKING—Beyond the function of keeping one’s hair in place, people will stroke their hair with the palm of the hand to soothe themselves when stressed or confronted with a dilemma or while pondering how to answer a question. This is not dissimilar to a mother comforting her child by stroking the child’s head. This pacifying behavior can have an immediate calming effect. Once more, this behavior may signal doubt or conflict, especially if done to the back of the head.

14. HEAD SCRATCHING WITH TUMMY RUBBING—The simultaneous rubbing of the belly and the head indicates doubt or wonder. It can also signal insecurity or incredulity. Interestingly, many primates do this as well.

15. INTERLACED FINGERS BEHIND HEAD, ELBOWS UP—The interlacing of the fingers behind the head with the elbows out is called “hooding” because the person looks like a cobra when it hoods—making the person seem bigger. This is a territorial display we do when comfortable and in charge. When we hood, the interlaced fingers behind the head are both comforting and soothing, while the elbows out project confidence. Hooding is rarely done when someone of higher status is present.

16. REACHING FOR HEAD (STUPEFIED)—People who are shocked, in disbelief, or stupefied might suddenly reach for their head with both hands so that the hands are near the ears but not touching them, with the elbows out toward the front. They might hold this position for several seconds as they try to make sense of what happened. This primitive, self-protective response might follow when someone has made a major faux pas,such as a driver crashing into his own mailbox, or a player running toward the wrong goal line.

17. INTERLACING FINGERS ON TOP OF HEAD—Usually performed with the palms down, this behavior stands out because it is intended to cover the head and yet the elbows are usually out and wide. We see this when people are overwhelmed, at an impasse, or struggling, when there has been a calamity (after hurricanes or tornados by those who lost property), or when things are not going their way. Note the position of the elbows: as things get worse, they tend to draw closer together in front of the face almost unnaturally, as if in a vise. Also note the pressure: the worse the situation, the greater the downward pressure of the hands. This behavior is quite different from “hooding” (see #15), where the palms are placed on the back of the head and the person is quite confident.

18. HAT LIFTING (VENTILATING)—Under sudden stress, people may suddenly lift up their hat to ventilate their head. This often occurs when receiving bad news, during an argument, or after a heated moment. From a safety perspective, be aware that in situations of high anger (e.g., traffic accidents or road-rage incidents), disrobing (removing hats, shirts, sunglasses) often precedes a fight.

The Forehead

From the time we are babies, we begin to scan the forehead for information. Even at just a few months of age, infants will respond to the furrows on their mother’s forehead—perceiving it as something negative. This small space between the bridge of the nose and the hairline reveals to others, in real time, how we are feeling. It is a remarkable part of the body closely connected to the brain, which allows us to communicate sentiments quickly, accurately, and prominently.

19. FOREHEAD TENSION—On some individuals, stress manifests as sudden tension of the forehead, a result of the stiffening and tensing of underlying muscles. The face has more than twenty distinct muscle groups that can create more than four thousand distinct expressions, according to Dr. Paul Ekman. Six muscles in particular, including the large occipitofrontalis, the procerus, and the temporalis, account for the tightening or furrowing of the forehead when we are stressed. Obviously, one has to see people in a calm environment to get a baseline read on their forehead, but when people are stressed, tension of the forehead is frequently very noticeable and is an excellent indicator that something is wrong.

20. FOREHEAD FURROWING—Furrowing of the forehead in response to a stimulus is usually a good indicator that something is amiss, there are issues, or a person is insecure. It is also seen when people are concentrating or trying to make sense of something. Furrowing of the forehead is usually associated with doubt, tension, anxiety, or concern. Keep in mind that Botox, which many use for cosmetic purposes to obscure stress lines on the forehead, might mask true sentiments.

21. BOTOXED FOREHEAD (ISSUES)—Both men and women are now taking advantage of Botox injections to erase stress lines on their foreheads. This has created problems for couples and even for children who would normally look to the forehead for information as to how a person might feel. Babies as young as four weeks old will respond to a furrowed forehead as something negative. Interestingly, both children and adults have reported an inability to read their parents or their spouses who have used Botox for emotional cues as easily as they could before.

22. STRESS LINES—On some individuals, their life struggles are marked by deep grooves on their forehead, even at a young age. Life experiences often etch our foreheads with lines, furrows, and other indentations. The forehead can reflect a difficult or stressful life or a life that has been spent outdoors in the sun, which tends to make forehead markings more prevalent.

23. FOREHEAD SWEATING—If the degree of stress is high enough, some people begin to spontaneously sweat. Sweating is very individual. Some sweat profusely with their first sip of coffee, or climbing a flight of stairs, so make sure to get a baseline of this behavior before jumping to any conclusion. Baseline behaviors are those behaviors we equate with “normal,” when a person is not stressed or overly affected by emotions.

24. TEMPLE VEIN THROBBING—When a person is under stress, the superficial temporal veins (those nearest the skin on the sides of our heads and just behind the eyes) might pulse or throb visibly. It is a very accurate indicator of autonomic arousal due to anxiety, concern, fear, anger, or, occasionally, excitement. Autonomic arousal is the brain’s way of automatically going into survival mode—compelling the heart and the lungs to work faster in anticipation of physical activity such as running or fighting.

25. FOREHEAD MASSAGING—We tend to massage our foreheads when we have headaches (literally), when we are processing information, or when we have worries, concerns, doubts, or anxiety. It is a pacifying behavior, which helps to soothe tension or apprehension.

26. POINTING AT FOREHEAD—Pointing a finger at the forehead or making a screwing motion with the finger while pointing at the forehead is very insulting—it means that the observer is ill informed, stupid, or crazy. This is a culturally based cue, generally seen in Germany, Switzerland, and Austria, where it is very offensive, and sometimes in the U.S. Because it is insulting it should be avoided.

27. PRESSING HAND ON FOREHEAD—Pressing the hand flat against the forehead helps relieve tension caused by stress, doubt, or insecurity. This is different from slapping the hand on the forehead; it looks as though the person is trying to push his head backward. As with so many other behaviors, this is intended to soothe the individual psychologically through tactile pressure on the skin.

28. PUZZLED LOOK—The area between the eyes is pulled together, often causing furrowing or knitting of the eyebrows. The eyes may squint or look away, and sometimes the head is canted slightly to the side. We often see this distressed look when someone is struggling with something mentally or trying to work through a problem. It usually results from a high cognitive load (arduous thinking or recalling).

29. COVERING FOREHEAD WITH HAT—Stress or embarrassment will cause some to actually cover their forehead with headgear (a hat, visor, or hood). We generally see this in children and teenagers but also sometimes in adults. I have often watched drivers do this when being ticketed for speeding. It is almost as if they are trying to hide in shame.

The Eyebrows

The eyebrows lie just above the supraorbital arches of the eye sockets and serve a variety of purposes. They protect our eyes from dust, light, and moisture, but they also communicate how we feel. From an early age we rely on people’s eyebrows to help us interpret their facial expressions. And in many cultures, eyebrows are an aesthetic concern: something to be tweezed, shaped, plucked, colored, highlighted, waxed, stylized, removed, or extenuated. Like the rest of our face, the eyebrows are controlled by a variety of muscles (corrugator supercilii principally, but also the nasalis and levator labii superioris from our nose), and thus can be very expressive and communicate exquisitely our feelings.

30. EYEBROW ARCHING/FLASHING (HAPPY)—Eyebrow arching or flashing conveys excitement (such as when greeting a close friend) or the recognition of something pleasing. We arch our brows in less than one-fifth of a second. It is a gravity-defying behavior, as it is performed in an upward direction, and as with most gravity-defying behaviors, it signifies something positive. Babies just a few months old light up when their mother flashes her eyebrows. Here is a great behavior to let others know we care and are happy to see them. A happy eyebrow flash can be immensely useful and powerful in everyday situations both at home and at work.

31. EYEBROW GREETINGS—We flash our eyebrows when we recognize someone we know and cannot speak up at that moment, or simply to recognize a person’s presence, with or without a smile, depending on circumstances. We are quick to notice when this courtesy is not extended to us, for example, when we enter a store and the clerk makes no effort to establish any kind of eye contact. We can let others know we value them, though we may be occupied, with a very simple eyebrow flash.

32. EYEBROW ARCHING (TENSE)—This occurs when a person is presented with an unwanted surprise or shock. Coupled with other behaviors such as a tense face or lip compression, it can let us know someone has experienced something very negative. It is the tension in the muscles that control the eyebrows that differentiates this behavior from the eyebrow greeting described above and it is held for a few seconds longer.

33. EYEBROW ARCHING (CHIN TOWARD NECK)—We arch our eyebrows with our mouths closed, chin toward the neck when we hear something we immediately question or are very surprised to hear or learn. When we witness an embarrassing situation we also employ this behavior, as if to say, “I heard that and I didn’t like it.” It is a look teachers often give to misbehaving students.

34. EYEBROW ASYMMETRY—People use this signal when they have doubts or uncertainty. One eyebrow will arch high, while the other remains in the normal position or sinks lower. Asymmetry signals that the person is questioning or doubting what is being said. The actor Jack Nicholson is famous for questioning what others say, on- and offscreen, by this method.

35. EYEBROW NARROWING/KNITTING—The area between the eyes and just above the nose is called the glabella, and when the glabella becomes narrow or furrowed, it usually means there is an issue, concern, or dislike. This universal sign may happen very quickly and thus can be difficult to detect, but it is an accurate reflection of sentiments. Some people will knit their brow when they hear something troubling or are trying to make sense of what they’re being told. The sentiment is communicated with the >< emoji.

The Eyes

Our eyes are the visual gateway to the world around us. From the moment we are born, we are scanning for information in familiar faces, movement or novelty, color, shading, symmetry, and always for the aesthetically pleasing. Our visual cortex, large in proportion to the rest of the brain, seeks novelty and new experiences. Our eyes show love and compassion as well as fear and disdain. Welcoming or joyous eyes can make our day. But eyes can also let us know that something is wrong, that there are worries or concerns. Eyes can own a room or cower in a crowd of strangers. We adorn our eyes to attract and avert them to avoid. They are usually the first thing we notice in others, which is why when a baby is born we spend so much time looking at the eyes. Perhaps because we truly are looking through the window to their soul.

36. PUPIL DILATION—When we are comfortable or like something or someone we encounter, our pupils dilate. We have no control over this. When couples are at ease around each other their pupils dilate as their eyes try to soak up as much light as possible. This is why dimly lit restaurants are a good place to meet, as it naturally softens the eyes and makes the pupils larger—an effect that makes us relax even more around others.

37. PUPIL CONSTRICTION—Our pupils constrict when we see something we don’t like or when we have negative emotions. Pupil constriction is easier to detect in light-colored eyes. Pupils suddenly shrinking to pinpoints suggest something negative has just transpired. Interestingly, our brain governs this activity to make sure that our eyes are focused in times of distress, as the smaller the aperture, the greater the clarity. This is why squinting improves focus.

38. RELAXED EYES—Relaxed eyes signal comfort and confidence. When we are at ease, the muscles around the eyes, the forehead, and the cheeks relax—but the minute we are stressed or something bothers us, they become tense. Babies often demonstrate this quite strikingly, as their facial muscles suddenly scrunch up before they begin to cry. When trying to interpret any body-language behavior, always refer back to the eyes for congruence. If the orbits (eye sockets) look relaxed, chances are all is well. If suddenly there is tension around the eyes or squinting, the person is focusing or might be stressed. The muscles of the eyes and the surrounding tissue react to stressors much more quickly than other facial muscles do, offering almost immediate insight into a person’s mental state.

39. EYE SOCKET NARROWING—When we feel stressed, upset, threatened, or other negative emotions, the orbits of the eyes will narrow due to the contraction of underlying muscles. The brain immediately makes the eye orbits smaller in response to apprehension, concern, or doubt. It is a good indicator that there is an issue or something is wrong.

40. QUIVERING UNDER EYES—The tiny muscles directly under the eyes (the inferior underside of the Obicularis oculi) and just above the cheekbones, as well as the surrounding tissue, can be very sensitive to stress. When there is concern, anxiety, or fear, these soft areas will quiver or twitch, revealing the person’s true emotional state.