Put What Where?: Over 2,000 Years of Bizarre Sex Advice

Put What Where?: Over 2,000 Years of Bizarre Sex Advice
John Naish

Hilarious miscellany of sex advice throughout the ages from seven-week long Balinese foreplay and Victorian Viagra to swinging tips from the 1970s.It is one of the oldest questions in the world: How do you do sex? And it has prompted some of the most stupid answers in human history.Since the dawn of civilization, a bizarrely eccentric host of self-appointed experts has befuddled, frightened and confused questioners by selling them bull about the birds and bees.Ancient Chinese Viagra was made from wasps. Medieval Indian advice books warned lovers never to have sex in front of the priest or in the middle of the road. Middle-Ages Britons claimed drunkenness was the best way to conceive, while Persians thought they could enlarge themselves with ginger and honey.And as for the Victorians and Edwardians, hot blankets were the devil's work, banisters should be banned and tight corsets could cause nymphomania. The odd playful slap wouldn't do any harm though.Here, then, is the cream of thousands of years of advice on where, when and how to put it, how to receive it, what to spread on it first and how to spend your time after it's all over. It makes you wonder how humankind ever got this far.

John Naish

Put What Where?

Over 2000 years of bizarre

sex advice

DEDICATION (#ulink_8fbf001d-e5db-5f9d-9547-30bbba1796c6)

Happiness is the true test. Never mind what books – including this one – say you should do. If you are happy, and your partner is too, leave well enough alone.

Eustace Chesser, Love Without Fear (1940)

CONTENTS

Cover (#u14e725f7-2e26-57ee-b528-1cff4e9cdea9)

Title Page (#u754d39bc-60e8-5588-bd7b-695e6085e4e7)

Dedication (#ulink_ddd93900-fe38-5f61-9f1f-fa77655f79e8)

Preface (#ulink_78fccc8f-a4f7-518e-9b70-ce85fcb10c07)

1 Introduction (#ulink_99b0bece-5300-5da4-ac4e-072a98d4134a)

2 Mankind’s First Manuals (#ulink_d792dea7-1ac2-57fc-b9d5-37bc3835ff16)

3 Classical Gaffes (#ulink_e6446062-449a-52c8-bead-d32a8656484c)

4 No Sex Please, We’re Medieval English (#ulink_d0022d5c-47d3-5edd-8102-cea5f80fda9d)

5 Bali High (#ulink_ae3c4b03-1983-51a3-ae50-b398d2e9252b)

6 Renaissance Renegades (#ulink_0368197a-3cf2-58c4-a7d7-9c840d293d8a)

7 Masturbation Mania (#ulink_fec3076b-da8d-5e26-a12a-ee9f63790f42)

8 Carlile, the Contraceptive Convict (#litres_trial_promo)

9 Drysdale’s Revolutionary Dream (#litres_trial_promo)

10 Manual Martyrs (#litres_trial_promo)

11 Kama Sutra Chameleon (#litres_trial_promo)

12 Mr Sex in Sandals (#litres_trial_promo)

13 American Duty (#litres_trial_promo)

14 Sexual Pioneers (#litres_trial_promo)

15 Edwardian Enjoyment (#litres_trial_promo)

16 The World’s Dullest Sex Book (#litres_trial_promo)

17 Ellis, the Impotent Icon (#litres_trial_promo)

18 Scouting for Boys: Uncut (#litres_trial_promo)

19 Trouble Down Under (#litres_trial_promo)

20 Cult of the Virgin Marie (#litres_trial_promo)

21 Van de Velde Record? (#litres_trial_promo)

22 Buy Me and Stop One (#litres_trial_promo)

23 Target for Tonight (#litres_trial_promo)

24 Frigid Fifties (#litres_trial_promo)

25 Saucy Sixties (#litres_trial_promo)

26 Comfort and Joy (#litres_trial_promo)

27 Sex as Lifestyle (#litres_trial_promo)

Select Bibliography (#litres_trial_promo)

Index (#litres_trial_promo)

Also by the Author (#litres_trial_promo)

Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)

About The Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)

PREFACE (#ulink_2bf6f558-58ea-5376-9329-bbb79cc99721)

This book is both a history of sex advice and a treasury of bizarre suggestions from throughout the ages. It is organized like a club sandwich. The historical chapters cover this strange world in chronological order, from 200 BC to the 1970s, and are interlayered with the cream of humankind’s oddest sex-advice quotes. These are grouped by topic and take you, stage-by-stage, through the whole gamut of love-making, from finding a partner through to sex, fetishes, afterplay and unfaithfulness. If you learn nothing else, please remember: never bite your partner’s eyeballs.

One (#ulink_bd7218f2-6345-5bb9-a8e4-8a9aff2cf44a)

INTRODUCTION (#ulink_bd7218f2-6345-5bb9-a8e4-8a9aff2cf44a)