Josephine Cox 3-Book Collection 2: The Loner, Born Bad, Three Letters

The other girl looked puzzled. ‘What kind of feelings?’

Judy felt oddly embarrassed. ‘Well … feelings of … What I mean is, do you love him? You know, the way you used to.’

Annie groaned. ‘Bugger me, girl! Whatever gave you that idea? I like him, o’course I do – otherwise I wouldn’t be working with him, would I?’ When she saw the look of relief on Judy’s face, she realised what was going on in her mind. ‘Well, I never! You think he’s at the root of my troubles, don’t you? Poor old Lenny – as if!’

‘It did cross my mind, yes,’ Judy confessed. ‘I know you had a crush on him at school, and I know you love working with him. I just wondered if you thought more of him than you were letting on, that’s all. I thought maybe he was The One.’

‘Judith Makepeace! You’ve got a vivid imagination, that’s your trouble.’ Annie gave her a playful push. ‘Besides, even if I did fancy him, it wouldn’t do me no good.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because he’s mad for you, that’s why!’

‘And has he told you that?’

‘Not in so many words, no. But he didn’t have to. I can tell. When we’re at work, it’s “Judy this” and “Judy that”.’ She laughed gaily. ‘He’s always talking about you. He sold a woman five pounds o’ potatoes the other day, when all she wanted was a cabbage – an’ that was because he was too preoccupied with singing your praises.’ She looked sideways at Judy. ‘Are you sure he hasn’t told you how mad he is about you?’

Taking a deep breath, Judy blew it out with a sigh. ‘Let’s not talk about it any more.’ She thought of Davie and said dreamily, ‘All I want is for Davie to come home.’

‘Hmh! If you ask me, you’ll have to want on!’ Annie didn’t mean to be cruel. She was just being her usual practical, heavy-footed self.

‘Why do you say that?’ It was the second time today that someone had said something hurtful like that.

‘I just think you’re making a big mistake, waiting for Davie,’ Annie answered candidly. There was no easy way to say it. ‘Think about it. He’s going on nineteen now – all grown-up like the rest of us. I reckon he’s either gone to the other side of the world, or he’s found somebody he loves. Or he’s dead. An’ if that’s the case, however much you might want to, you’ll never see hide nor hair of him again.’

Annie knew her words would hurt, but they were not meant to. All she wanted was for Judy to realise that she could end up wasting her life, waiting for Davie. A lovely girl like her deserved love and happiness, of a kind that she herself would probably never know.

They stood on the bridge, leaning over the wall and chatting, and after a while they ambled down to the water’s edge, where they sat on their coats on the grass bank and watched the barges go by. ‘I went to see Joseph earlier,’ Judy said sleepily.

‘Oh, and how is he?’

‘Bearing up as always. No news of Davie.’

‘I’m really sorry.’ And Annie meant it.

‘Joseph is sure that Don will find him one day.’ Judy then told her all about her meeting with Lenny. ‘After I left Joseph’s, Lenny came out of next door and we walked up the street together. He thinks like you – that Daviemight never come home.’

‘Did he tell you about the shop he’s buying?’

‘He did. I’m glad it’s finally getting off the ground. It’s taken a while but out of all of us, we always knew it might be Lenny who would make it rich.’

‘Hmh! He’s got a long way to go before he’s rich.’ Annie laughed out loud. ‘Especially when a customer wants a cabbage and he sells her five pounds o’ spuds!’

Judy had to chuckle at that. ‘Lenny said you were an asset to him,’ she imparted with a meaningful smile. ‘He said you were a hard worker, that you knew the business as well as he did, and that the customers had taken a shine to you.’

Secretly thrilled, Annie brushed it aside. ‘He’s just full o’ flannel,’ she said smartly. ‘That’s why he’ll do well in business.’

They sat for a while, plucking at the grass and throwing it into the water, while quietly observing the barges as they rippled past.

‘I meant what I said, Judy.’

‘What?’ The girl swung round to face her.

‘I said you were wrong in waiting for Davie, and I meant every word. You mustn’t waste your life pining over something that might never happen; especially when you’ve got someone like Lenny falling over backwards to make you notice him.’

Ready for home, Judy stood up. It was getting chilly and the light would soon be going. ‘He’s always known my feelings for Davie,’ she answered simply. ‘It’s Lenny who shouldn’t waste his life on wanting what he can’t have.’

Convinced of one thing, Annie had her say. ‘He’ll win you round in the end,’ she predicted as they made their way back to the bridge. ‘He loves you too much to let go, and like I said, Davie’s been gone too long. I don’t know of anyone who thinks he’ll come back, and if his grandad and father were to tell the truth, they probably think the same. And even if he did come back, how do you know he’s not already got someone? Face it, Jude – he could be engaged to be married, have you thought of that?’

The girl shook her head. ‘It’s not something I like to think about,’ she said, turning away. But the truth was, ever since Lenny had made the very same comments, she had thought of nothing else.

At the bottom of William Henry Street, Judy tried to persuade Annie to come home with her. ‘Mam says you can have dinner with us, if you like? She’s making a whopping great shepherd’s pie, an’ there’s plum tart for afters.’

Annie thanked her but said, ‘I’d best get back. There are things I need to do.’

‘Another day then?’

‘Yes, that would be good, thanks.’ She gave Judy a hug. ‘And don’t forget to thank your mam for me. My mouth is fair watering at what you’ll be eating tonight. I think my mam is cooking tripe – ugh – but it’s Dad’s favourite!’

Giggling, the girls parted company, with Judy going one way and Annie the other. At the corner they turned and waved.

‘See you later!’ Annie’s voice sailed down the street. With Judy gone, she felt incredibly lonely and bereft. ‘I should have stayed with her,’ she muttered.

She turned her thoughts to Judy and Davie. She so much wanted her friend to find happiness, but she doubted it would ever be with Davie. I didn’t mean to say cruel things, she thought. It’s just that I don’t want her to be lonely. One of us being lonely is more than enough. This made her laugh wryly, though she felt more like crying.

She stayed for a few more minutes, letting the thoughts run through her mind – good thoughts, bad thoughts, and all of them disturbing,

‘You were right, Jude,’ she murmured. ‘I do love Lenny. I love him so much it hurts. I work with him, I talk with him, and we laugh together – and all the time he’s longing for you. He tells me how much he loves you, and I desperately want it to be me he loves, but it isn’t and it never will be.’

Nothing in her sorry life was as bad as knowing she could not make Lenny love her. But if she couldn’t have his love, she didn’t want him to be hurt. ‘Please love him back, Judy,’ she prayed. ‘I know you won’t be sorry. You’ll come to love him in the end, you won’t be able to help yourself. I know how much you long for Davie to come home but with him gone, you will never find better than Lenny. He’s a lovely bloke. He’ll cherish and love you, and take care of you for the rest of your life.’

When tears threatened, she got up and walked on, in the chilly evening air. I’m no good for him, she thought sadly. I’m no good for anyone. Maybe I’m not meant to be happy. But I don’t mind, not really. I’ve been unhappy for so long it doesn’t matter to me any more.

‘Hi, Annie!’ Lenny had walked straight out of her mind and onto the pavement before her. ‘I’ve been calling from across the street,’ he said as he came towards her. ‘You seemed miles away.’

Her heart racing, Annie managed a bright smile. ‘Lenny!’ He was the last person she expected to see, the first person she wanted to see. Her spirits rose immediately. ‘What have you been up to?’

‘Well, as it happens, I’ve been looking at the beginnings of my empire.’

She laughed. ‘Oh, I see. You’ve been to see the new shop?’

‘Yes. And this is the first time I’ve seen it completely empty. I didn’t realise how much work needs doing. The storerooms upstairs are a disaster, and there isn’t an inch downstairs that doesn’t need attention – rotting wood, paintwork chipping, and in places it needs new floorboards. God knows what else I might uncover.’ He made a little-boy face. ‘I don’t suppose you could give me a few ideas, could you – being a woman and all that?’

‘What … you mean mop the floor and wash the walls, and then if I’ve time, check the plumbing and happen fix a new sink in the back? Will that do, sir? Or is there more?’ It was odd how her heart sang when she was with him.

He mimicked her mood. ‘Well, we already know for a fact there’s more to do than mop the floor and get stuck into a bit of plumbing.’ He laughed. ‘Why don’t I let you renew the roof and rewire the entire place while you’reat it?’

‘All right then …’ Annie got serious. ‘What did you have in mind?’ Whatever it was, it was nothing like what she had in mind, that was for sure.