Pastures New

‘Granny could come and live here,’ suggested Josh.

‘I don’t think that’s going to be possible, Josh,’ said Mary. She glanced at Amy, as if to say, is it?

Amy tried to ignore that comment too. The last thing she wanted right now was to have Mary round the corner again, even if she wanted to move out this way. And as they sat politely sipping their tea, Amy was suddenly struck by the gulf that had grown between them. It had only been a few weeks, but already she and Mary were strangers in this new environment; and yet, after Jamie’s death they had seemed so close. Irritated as she was by Mary, Amy couldn’t bear to lose that, and for Josh’s sake it wasn’t fair. So she asked suitable questions about Mary’s life and filled her in on their own doings. And then Josh mentioned Ben.

‘And who’s Ben?’ asked Mary. ‘One of your little play-mates?’

‘Oh no,’ said Josh in disgusted tones. ‘Ben’s well old. As old as Mummy.’

‘And?’ Mary looked askance at Amy.

‘And what?’ said Amy. ‘Ben’s someone I met on the allotments.’

‘Yes, and Mummy borrowed his clothes and he lent me his Spiderman DVD when we were at his house. He’s really cool.’

‘I see,’ said Mary testily.

No, you don’t, Amy wanted to reply, but restrained herself.

‘Yes, it was a bit embarrassing really,’ said Amy, wondering why she felt the need to justify herself. ‘I had a problem with the plumbing and then I got a bit mucky on the allotments so he lent me some clothes. I barely know him.’ She was aware she was gabbling. She was further aware that the more she gabbled, the more sceptically Mary looked at her.

‘Well, I suppose it was inevitable that you would find a new man one day,’ said Mary, ‘but I have to say I’m surprised that you’re rushing things.’

Amy blushed, immediately furious with herself for doing so. She had nothing to be embarrassed about or apologise for.

‘Mary, I don’t have a new man,’ she said. ‘He’s just someone who helped me out.’

‘If you say so,’ said Mary.

‘No, really,’ said Amy. ‘There is absolutely nothing going on between us, and even if there were, I don’t really see that it’s any of your business.’

The words were out before she could stop them, and she cursed herself when she saw the look on Mary’s face. It was as though Amy had punched her in the stomach.

‘Mary, I didn’t mean – that came out wrong,’ Amy began.

‘Your meaning was perfectly clear,’ said Mary. ‘It’s all right, I won’t stay where I’m not wanted.’

‘Mary!’ cried Amy, but Mary didn’t reply. Giving Josh a brief hug, she picked up her things, then was out of the door and gone.

‘Why didn’t Granny stay?’ Josh wanted to know.

‘She was in a bit of a hurry,’ said Amy miserably. ‘She’ll come back another day.’ She desperately hoped that was true.

‘I want Granny! I want Granny!’ Josh started to wail.

‘Oh sweetheart, we’ll see her soon.’ Amy tried to cuddle Josh, but he kicked her and ran off screaming, ‘I hate you! I hate it here! I want Granny!’

‘Josh!’ Amy was shocked. He’d never behaved like this before.

There was a twenty-minute standoff, during which Josh screamed and flung himself on the floor, before eventually retreating to hide under the table in the lounge. Amy managed to wheedle him out with the promise of chocolate – a bribe she knew she would later regret – and when he’d finally calmed down, she said, ‘Come on, let’s go on the allotments, the fresh air will do us both good.’

The tantrum now over, Josh seemed happy enough to come out with her, but if Amy had hoped for some kind of redemption from the allotments, it wasn’t forth-coming. Mary’s visit had left her feeling unsettled and miserable. It was a grey, dull day, and the smell of burning fires made her feel melancholy. The sound of leaves crunching underfoot reminded Amy that winter was on its way. Winter, and another Christmas to face without Jamie.

Several people she knew by sight nodded at her, but no one stopped for a chat. The strange man she’d seen on her first day here sidled up to her as she passed his allotment. ‘It’s a war zone out there,’ he said, his soft Suffolk burr making a surreal contrast with the writhing bucket he thrust under her nose. It contained a wriggling mass of slugs. Amy didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

‘Bastard slugs get everywhere,’ he added, ‘but they’re no match for old Jeremy.’ He cackled in an alarming way before setting the bucket on the ground and pouring a brown liquid into it.

‘Beer,’ he said by way of explanation, cracking his fingers. ‘Gets bastard slugs every time.’

‘Right,’ said Amy. ‘Well, I’d best get on.’

The encounter unsettled her, and despite Josh’s presence she felt desperately alone. She threw herself into her digging as a way of venting her emotion, but it was no good – seeing Mary again had pulled her back to the life she had left behind. Pictures of Jamie, which she had started to hold at bay here, in her new home, came flooding back.

Amy was on a boat. The sun was shining, and a band was playing on the quayside as the boat pulled out tosea. She could see Jamie up ahead with Josh in his arms, striding towards the outside decks. Why wasn’t she with them? It didn’t make sense. She was glad that Jamie was there. She had a strange feeling, as if something bad had happened to him. But of course it hadn’t. There he was ahead of her. She called his name. But Jamie didn’t turnround.

She hurried to follow them, calling Jamie’s name again. Why couldn’t he hear her? But when she got outside, he and Josh had vanished. Frantically she asked her fellow passengers if they had seen a man carrying a boy, but everyone looked at her blankly and passed on their way.

A feeling of panic was rising inside her. Something was terribly wrong, but by now the boat was docking at a harbour, and Amy was standing on dry land again. The sun burned hot in the sky, and the band was playingan old music-hall tune, louder and louder, faster andfaster. People were swirling past her, laughing and joking, having a wonderful time completely oblivious to her.

Up on the boat, she noticed flags waving, and people cheering. Where were Jamie and Josh? Then she spotted them high up on the top deck of the boat. Jamie had his back to her and was bouncing Josh in the air. She called to him again. But he didn’t turn around. Why wouldn’t he turn around?

Up and down. Up and down. Jamie kept throwing Josh, higher and higher. He didn’t hear her shout of warning, and suddenly Josh was falling, falling out of his father’s hands over the side of the boat. Amy screamed and called for help. And finally, Jamie turned to look at her. It wasn’t Jamie at all, but a hideous grinning corpse. Amy screamed and screamed, but no sound came out …

Amy sat bolt upright in bed, sweating profusely. Her heart was beating wildly and her breathing was erratic. She turned the light on and looked at the alarm clock. It was 2 a.m. Beside her in the bed, Josh muttered and moaned. Damn. When had he come in? Amy would have taken him back to bed, but the dream had unsettled her. She felt like company tonight. And the sight of Josh lying safe next to her did a lot to dispel the awful dream picture of him falling, falling, falling. Amy shivered. The thought of losing Josh as well was too much to bear. She couldn’t face trying to sleep again, so she got out a book and read until she could read no more, and the book slid out of her hands.

The morning dawned grey and miserable. Amy felt tired and listless, and Josh, seeming to pick up on her mood, was crabby and badly behaved. She let him watch Spiderman again while she cooked lunch, and then decided they both needed to get out of the house. In her wanderings the previous week, Amy had discovered a little park just before you hit the high street. And as Josh had gone into Spidey overdrive, attacking her at every opportunity, she also decided that it was time she gave Ben his DVD back. If they cut up through the graveyard, Ben’s house was on the way back. So, putting the DVD in her pocket and making a resolute decision to try to be cheerful, Amy and Josh set off.

Ben had just come in from the allotments and was in the shower, when the doorbell rang.

Damn, who could that be? he wondered. He wasn’t really in the mood for visitors. Caroline had just emailed to invite him to spend Christmas skiing with her in Colorado. Dave behind the Bar will B there 2! she had said. It will b great! He was sorely tempted by the skiing. But the idea of being used in one of Caroline’s silly games really didn’t appeal. He was probably on call anyway.

The doorbell rang again. It was most likely Harry, who was about the only person besides Pete who ever came to see him. Ben hadn’t lived in Nevermorewell long, and his job meant he was always slightly wary about making new friends too close to home. Harry tended to pop over sometimes on Sunday evenings, often to ask him to come for a pint. Ben knew Harry was lonely, and found his war stories fascinating, so he never said no. Besides, Ben rarely went to the pub with his own dad, and going out with Harry fulfilled some deep need.

Despite his inclination to leave whoever it was out there, Ben felt he’d better answer it. He shouted, ‘Hang on a sec’, flung a towel around his waist and raced down the stairs to the door.

‘What can I do for you today, Harry?’ he was halfway through saying, when he realised it wasn’t Harry.

There on the doorstep stood a very disconcerted Amy and Josh.

‘Er – we’ll come back another time,’ said Amy, blushing. Up close and personal it was a sudden shock to discover that Ben was, well … sexy. She hadn’t noticed before quite how firm his chest was, or how strong his arms … It must be all that digging.

‘No, it’s fine,’ said Ben, thinking how pretty she looked when she blushed. ‘I’ll – just throw some clothes on. Why don’t you make yourself at home? I’ll bung the kettle on.’

‘Well, if you’re sure …’ Amy sounded doubtful. ‘I was just bringing the DVD back. We can come back another time.’ She seemed destined to always meet this man in the most awkward of circumstances.

‘Why, have you got any better offers?’ he said.

Amy laughed. ‘Hardly,’ she replied. ‘Go on then, where do you keep your teabags?’