Sex & Intimacy 101

It is clear to the observant eye, that men and women approach fashion in a different way. That is why a woman will buy different colors of shoes for every occasion and every shoe would have to match with the handbag and makeup of the day. Most women can bath and dress up, just to get to an automatic teller machine and draw funds. A sizeable number of men would think looking clean is such a priority.The way women dress just shows us that they are attentive to detail and aesthetic. Women are very color, texture, material and label sensitive. I do buy my wife shoes but let me not hide the fact that it’s difficult because women are very choosy people. I hardly feel content about the choice I make for her. But buying a man shoes is a much easier task, which has its priority around buying something that protects one from stepping on thorns!

Men are simple on issues of fashion. We just want something hard enough to last us ages. It must have quality and appeal. Men’s shoes for instance are made with a particular focus on durability and appearance. We are not too colorful. We don’t wear pink, lilac or lemon-yellow shoes—well, at least not most of us. Women on the other hand look primarily for beauty, appeal, elegance and status. The shoes of women are made out of almost anything:plastic, leather, leatherette, suede, paper and fabric. The idea behind the shoe is beauty first and foremost and elegance. Durability? Yah well...I have seen tender puppies tear them apart!

According to Wharton marketing professor Stephen J. Hoch, shopping behavior reflects gender differences coz “Women think of shopping in an inter-personal, human fashion and men treat it as more instrumental. It’s a job to get done,” Simply put ‘‘women shop, men buy’’. I went with my mother and my wife to a traditional restaurant (By the way, I don’t have a father, he’s late), so while we were there, mum fussed about the behavior of waiters. How they were frowning and all. All I wanted was fooood !

I don’t know why God made me that way. The only reason I can give for not being interested in how waiters behave is that I am a man. Not that I don’t mind shit but for most of the time I would rather not care about frowning waiters. ‘‘What I found interesting is how women tend to be more focused on people while men act almost as if they are dealing with an ATM machine. In fact, they want to deal with an ATM machine. They really don’t want to deal with a person.” says Wharton marketing professor Stephen J. Hoch.

Just to add on to Hoch’s view, I think man made the ATM and vending machine. They must have thought its the best way to get what you want without having to deal with attendant crap.

What does all this have to do with sexing a woman? If women treat shopping like a big deal while men think largely of buying, that means woman are more interactive in shopping as well as in sex. She wants to hear your voice, what you think of her, how you feel about her and all that jizz. Men on the other hand don’t dwell so much on the emotion behind sex.Not that they don’t have emotions but rather the rubbing feels more worth consecrating on than all these other ‘girly’ feelings. How she looks, the feeling of penetration and positions matter largely to a man. But the woman while she’s in to the sex, wants to feel loved and wanted .In short while she is into the ‘‘emotion’’ of it the male is into the ‘‘motion’’ of it. What a difference!

(b) Sexual differences

All my books and sermons are like this. They always are at the beginning like a deviation from the central topic. I wanted you to understand the difference between both sexes before we proceed. If you skipped this stage, you have missed a very important lesson. Now what’s next? I want to tell you what happens when a man and a woman have sex. What happens to the male and what happens to the Female? How can you thoroughly sex a man or woman when you don’t know what really transpires during copulation. Okay, when a man and woman are in the bedroom there are no arbitrators or human rights activists. The light may be bright or dimly lit.... Ok before the light is bright or dimly lit, you met this guy or girl, loved her from the day you saw her. Was that love? Oh yah, let’s just say so, but it was just a feeling brought about by testosterone.

The presence of hormones is obvious during the teenage stage and into our youth and adult stage. We thus have a lot of crushes at this stage. But for males,it’s got to be triggered by sight. You saw this person, were crazed by what you saw coz you liked it, and the rest became an oestrogen, progesterone and testosterone movie. They call it ‘‘love at first sight.’’ I think I remember feeling that way about my wife. I thank God I never had to have a crush on every girl. I am the ‘‘marriage type.’’ But I went through the spell of having a crush. Having a crush is a feeling that makes one weak and love stung. Until it happens to you, you won’t understand why the King’s bride in Songs of songs says,‘‘I am overcome by love,’’ (Songs of songs 2:5), or ‘‘I am faint with love’’,(Songs of songs 2:5). Have you ever loved someone to such an extent that you cannot look into a bathtub, or dishwashing basin and not see the face of your lover? When I met my wife, I could not act like a Shaolin monk. I had to admit that someone special has appeared. It did not matter to me how spiritual I was by then. That feeling won’t excuse you because you are a preacher. What do I mean by that? I mean that when you meet this person you somehow find yourself not knowing what to say or do. You panic, fumble and completely lose your cool. Has it ever happened to you?

You see, when you have a crush, your stress response rises automatically triggering the presence of cortisol, a stress hormone. When you see this person you feel attracted to, you can shiver, experience crazy heart-beats and feel the same way you would if a ferocious criminal pointed a gun at you. There is that adrenalin effect in the body of a lover. You feel the same anxiety that is felt by Botswana’s loved athlet, Nijel Amos when he is racing in a stadium towards athletic victory. There is that fear in all sports persons comparative to a lover’s anxiety. That’s why Nike says ‘‘just do it.’’ If you are a guy, you feel everytime you meet this person you want her so badly that you are in a break it or make it moment. You wonder what you are going to say and how you are going to say it. Ladies feel extremely shy. But both prospective lovers can’t sleep peacefully at night. The woman in Songs of songs tells us what happens when one has a crush. She says ‘‘I sleep, but my heart is awake; It is the voice of my beloved! He knocks, saying, “Open for me, my sister, my love, My dove, my perfect one; For my head is covered with dew, My locks with the drops of the night.” (songs of Songs 5:2).That’s typical of having a crush. Don’t you remember that high school crush?: —Or the severe crush at the end of elementary school. Unfortunately very few relationships from our younger days ever amount to anything but hormones.

So,men have got more of the sex drive sponsoring testosterone hormone than women. This automatically makes men more sexually assertive than women. While a man is relatively always on, a woman needs to be turned on. That’s the part that most men don’t seem to get through their thick skull. But just because she is low on testosterone and responsive doesn’t mean she doesn’t enjoy sex. She does. Look, men are more like a sensory light. The sensory light detects movement and switches on automatically. Women on the other hand are like an electric stove. When you switch on an electric stove, it heats up gradually. When the cooking is over and you switch it off, the heat will gradually go off. That’s typical of a woman’s way of being aroused. Women view sex as largely emotional but men view sex as physical. That’s probably why that neighbor of mine said, ‘‘men are people who don’t attach much to sex, they can just fuck for the sake of fucking.’’ Now, I didn’t say that, she did... But then again, what turns on a man is different. He is looking at those curves, breasts, thighs and lips and can’t help but want you immediately. The more he sees you on those jeans, shoes and skirts, is the more interested he becomes. But you are not driven to sex him because of that chino trouser he is wearing. You feel horny because of the way he treated you today. His looks and body may count, but your sex driving edge borders around treatment. If only men understood this...the world would be a better place.

Stage 1

Now, what happens when people have sex? Many of us think love is a complicated word and that we can’t define it. Yes love is no simple word but sex it appears, is even more difficult to describe, especially as to how people feel when having sex and why. Some say they feel their mind goes blank. Others say it’s like a ride on virgin Atlantic. A blatantly honest guy says its like someone is hitting him with a hammer in the head and he is splitting into pieces. Is that so? This thing is strange. When people define love they don’t say such crazy things but with sex, the descriptions you get are as good as opening a can of worms. Okay, now, if you are a gentleman who doesn’t pounce on your lady without procedure, there should be foreplay at beginning of a sex act. But we are not there yet coz I have dedicated a whole chapter to foreplay. The first stage is the excitement stage. Am I right? During the excitement stage, the vagina becomes wet or lubricated some seconds, or minutes after proper foreplay has begun. The inner lips and the outer lips become bigger or ‘‘swell.’’ I think ‘‘swell’’ is the right word. The penis expands as blood fills its tissues and both lover’s nipples may harden. If we had a stethoscope, we could prove that by this time your heart rate has gone high. The heart is racing and the body is anticipating serious pleasure. Don’t let it down. I can’t imagine any crime bigger than frustrating a legit sexual expectation. Most men are not aware that the vagina swells, because we care very little about what happens to someone else. But be observant enough to notice such things if you are going to make love the natural and exceptional way. You want to leave a lasting memory and not a lasting regret. Remember, women have a better memory than men. She is not going to forget the things you are doing. You don’t want to have a bad reputation of doing it before foreplay or causing lips to swell and then disappointing the ‘‘swelled’’ vagina. That is bedroom blasphemy—straightout. These are the sins men commit and go scot-free coz the penal code says nothing about that. Nothing is as disappointing as sex with a man who raises the hopes of his woman’s body and neglects it.

You need to please your wife sexually and to do that you must concern yourself with ‘‘worldly’’ stuff. ‘‘He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord— how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife’’,(I Corinthians 7:32- 33 ).Traditional women who just sit there like a log and do nothing make it worse for men. Do everything in your power madam and sexually excite your man. If he should one day fall prey to another woman who knows what she is doing, he will not return. We have had many cases where a man left his woman and went for another and never returned despite our prayers and fasting. We just hope it was not a euphoric blow-job that kept him all this while. Don’t you think there might have been something about the other woman that captivated him? Now I don’t mean to offend you if you have been betrayed. Maybe yours is an exceptional case in which you were dealing with a hard to satisfy ‘‘dog.’’ But my point is this: Do you remember the story of Samson in the bible? He often got interested in Philistine women despite the trouble. There was something Samson felt around Delilah that captivated the way he thought of her. It might have been how she dressed, talked or maybe a good massage she often gave him. Godly women who preferred being Jewish over being sexy never really attracted Samson. Imagine how many times Samson faced death and yet kept on falling for gentile women. Oh, boy...there must have been something... Okay lets go on... Stage one is over when the penis is erect and the vagina is wet and has swelled, what’s next?

Stage 2

Here, the vagina continues to be puffy and penis becomes firmer. There is more that happens than the snake being let out to play. Testis or the balls move slowly up the scrotum. Vaginal walls grow thicker and the clitoris, (a small city of pleasure the size of a bean seed) starts playing hide and seek. It simply goes into its hood. The color of the vagina may change and this might be more noticeable if the person is light skinned coz it turns reddish or purplish particularly on its lips. Obviously that’s a traffic light or a red robot but in the bedroom, red means go. What happens when a car prepares to depart might as well happen to these two lovers. Breathing intensifies, and one can only expect that the lungs have joined in and that’s why there is heavy breathing. It will take a trained eye to notice that the muscles around the waists and hips and buttocks have tightened. The environment is ‘‘hot’’ and the war is about to begin. Don’t disappoint, this I must say again and again. Very few men in a society know what it is to not disappoint. You see, the vagina and the penis are very technical and until you have properly studied them you will have a reason to believe in evolution. I am a preacher who doesn’t believe the idea that the vagina and the penis are a result of evolution or adaptation. Someone deliberately made these things. That person must be God.

Stage 3

After oral sex, foreplay and all the body chores, the pumping is on, beginning with the missionary position. I hate to call it the missionary position. Its a basic position where a man is on top of a woman. But you can do vise-versa and call that woman-on-top or reverse-cow-girl. I will show you that later on when we talk about sex positions. Many people despise Christians because some Christians have the tendency of looking lame and seeming to not be in touch with matters of pleasure while trying to prove how holy they are. This position of man on top, is basic and was thus called the missionary position to mock the insipid Christian lack of interest in sex. Stage three; sex goes on and on and on. We are talking penetration here (Biceps and triceps move). There is pumping, no doubt and there are contractions and various positions if need be to enhance penetrations, and sex is at its highest. Maybe at this point it makes sense to review those earlier on comments in which some say they feel the mind is blanking out, some say it’s like a ride on Virgin Atlantic. A blatantly honest guy says ‘‘its like someone is hitting me with a hammer in the head and I am splitting into pieces’’. Is that so? Strange neh? According to Dr Arun Ghosh, who specializes in sexual health at the Spire Liverpool Hospital, a hormone called oxytocin is released during sex. This hormone is also known as the love hormone and makes one more loving, yielding to the other. It makes one to feel empathetic. They say ‘‘it lowers our defenses and makes us trust people more.’’ It’s the reason why your lady still loves you when you have let her down so many times. It creates that bonding effect and this hormone is released in better amounts in women. It makes them to love their men and love their kids. Mothers produce oxytocin when breast-feeding. That’s why mothers by nature just love their kids and would die for them. Diane Witt, an assistant professor of psychology, has done experiments that demonstrate that the hindrance of the release of this hormone in sheep and rats caused them to reject their young ones. Guys, God is a genius and Charles Darwin was crazy. What part of these things is coincidence from a big bang?

Okay, lets go on. So, the man continues bonking and the woman mourns in that enjoyment mode that says ‘‘carry on dude, don’t stop just yet.’’ Oxytocin is released. What happens next? Sex goes on... ‘‘ The problem is that when a man has an orgasm, the main hormone released is dopamine — the pleasure hormone. And this surge can be addictive,’’ says Dr Ghosh. Dopamine is a chemical that stimulates the rush of pleasure and makes one to feel as though they are riding a surf board at Durban summer thrill. Scientifically speaking, ‘‘its a compound present in the body as a neurotransmitter and a precursor of other substances including epinephrine.’’ One guy wrote in a magazine that even if your boss were to appear at that time, you wouldn’t have an atom of reverential fear for him/her. Some say the mind goes blank. A Christian might say it is then that you see the greatness of God. But most agree that you see nothing. But this stage is very pleasurable and causes men to be addicted to sex because it has the same effect as crack cocaine. Dopamine is dope nigga. Sex is the only legal way to have pleasure enough to rival some of the very drugs banned by the state. That’s why some people promise others trains when they are at this point. Some scream ‘‘marry me.’’ Years ago, a woman in South Africa complained that her guy screams too loud during climax and this embarrasses her. Recently, in the western world, was that United Kingdom?:— The court charged a woman for screaming loud everytime she reached climax thus disturbing her neighbors. Climax during sex is a very exhilarating moment. Sex, if it is by any means extremely wonderful, has that meeting point between a dopamine obsession and an oxytocin intoxication. That’s why we preachers have been saying that the Bible says, ‘‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh’’,(Genesis 2:24). The moment oxytocin is released, the woman and the man start having empathy for each other. She feels as if she were you. You become a part of her. That’s why she grieves when you die. That’s why she irons your clothes and gives you food as if she were doing it to herself. Please ‘‘Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love’’,(Proverbs 6:19). Don’t go screwing everybody around and doing oxytocin with everyone. Why ‘‘should you my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman, And be embraced in the arms of a seductress?’’(Proverbs 6:20).

I have sat with women who were beaten by their boyfriends, bruised, hurting, abused, neglected, cheated on and they couldn’t leave them. Why?:—shout ‘‘oxytocin!’’ They had bonded with them. To leave him has become to leave yourself because ‘‘ a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh’’,(Genesis 2:24). People love themselves and when you go into bed with someone, chances are you will end up loving him or her the way you love yourself. That’s why is not good to be doing one night stands and going dope with a person you don’t know. If you are going to have sex with someone, you better make sure it’s a committed arrangement, so that you don’t just leave anytime you want and leave the person torn apart. Why will a guy scream a girl’s name and want to buy her a train? You know the answer: —dopamine. That’s why mothers often say, ‘‘I don’t understand my son. After I have cared for him this long, how does he buy his wife a merc when I am still driving an old corolla. ’’ Let me answer that, ‘‘Well, your son is going dope, mom’’ Get it? Heish, knowledge is beautiful. I thank God for giving me a love for knowledge. I know some people just hate me for saying the good old truth. They want hypocrisy. But I believe a Christian should have a good shag. He or she should know better, the things God created. We often say ‘‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me’’,(Philippians 4:13). Can’t Christ give you the strength to have proper sex that could humble a porn star? If not, then your faith is vanity.You ‘ve got to be joking folk. Give that spouse of yours some good sex. Give her oxytocin. Keep her captured by your warmth.

Okay enough of that, let’s now return to the subject matter. Let’s get back to this stage. At this stage, the sex is good. Lovers are screaming and feeling the bolt of lightning sensation. Somebody is calling for God or mama (they never call for daddy anyway). Hormones are being released and there is that ‘‘do not disturb’’ notice at the door of a hotel room. Heish, that’s why sometimes I loathe hotel beds of businesses that care less about hygiene. Hotel beds can be dirty sex grounds if a hotel is not thorough at cleaning coz there are fluid secretions during sex. What’s next? Obviously if the two love birds know what they are doing then walls of the vagina begin to contract. There is that earthquake sensation, and there is probably additional vaginal lubrication. The woman cums, and ‘‘female ejaculation’’ occurs. I guess we never learned about it at school. The guy starts screaming, crying or mourning if not staring at the air with the mind ‘‘blank’’... (well it varies from guy to guy) . Not every guy calls his lady’s name three times. The cuming stage is the climax stage and if you have done business admin or marketing at school, the whole sexual thing is like a product life cycle. After the climax, things should reach a decline (a gradual one though). In My other book,the spiritual relationship, I wrote as follows : Climax is the zenith of sexual affection. It is understood to be the most joyous moment in a sexual activity. It is the moment of sexual satisfaction and achievement. Women experience contractions and vibrations while men release spermatozoa at this time of the intercourse. In women this may be a 15 seconds interval while for men it is roughly 4-5 seconds. The most important thing is that it is a moment of achieving satisfaction (end of quote). Just a moment prior to coming, lovers had become a bit numb, the same way one feels when they drink a considerable amount of scotch whisky. This is because during sex craze, the sensory cortex of the brain is affected. That is why you won’t be respectful even if the state president appeared instantly by your bedside during climax. Did you know that good sex can be so good that it wipes away memory? You can forget your middle name if the sex was really really good. According to one blogger, ‘‘Sometimes, people also experience transient retrograde amnesia, forgetting some portion of their previous memories. In the case of the 54-year-old woman at the Washington, D.C., hospital, the last day was a fog, and she had been forgetful and confused since having sex.’’ Hmmmm, her old man must have been very skillful—at least more skillful than today’s young people who sex boringly and yet impregnate instantly. Young people, and a great deal of them I must say, are only favored by raging hormones and gutsy erections. But in marriage, they might not prove to be excellent at doing the same person over and over for fifty years or more. And that’s why I am taking them to school. You see, I haven’t started teaching you how to have sex yet. I am just teaching you what happens during intercourse. By the time you finish this book, if the way you see sex has not changed then you need nothing more than spanking (huh,jus kiddin). But if this book sounds too rough and candid for you, don’t read it. If you continue reading, then am surely not to blame.

Stage 4

Most people have such sex that they don’t pass by stage one, they only start at stage three and before you know it, the person is ejaculating and being pleasured alone. Underline the word ‘‘alone.’’ This person is alone as though this is some type of masturbation. Eish, what a let down!

But here at stage 4,the story should be different. If the lovers have reached climax, then at this time, the war is over, both countries have called a truce. There is retreat and surrender. The penis starts deflating or becoming smaller thus returning to its normal flaccid condition. In women the clitoris relaxes and takes it easy. Both men and women experience muscle relaxation, the opposite of muscle tension.

In the past we have had oestrogen, testosterone, adrenalin, cortisol, oxytocin and dopamine, but are the hormones done yet?—No, no yet. Another hormone called Vasopressin (also known as the anti-diuretic hormone) is released. Vasopressin may be the reason why you often feel thirsty after sex. After all, couples sweat and lose a lot of water when having actively involving sex. But it also stimulates bonding between the two. During intercourse the nervous system in the Female is a bit numb so that much of what she feels will be pleasure and not pain. And it doesn’t mean she won’t feel any pain from scratches if the penis has got hair that causes vaginal tears, it only means any pain inflicted feels less catastrophic than it actually should. As much as the body begins to relax after sex, the brain releases its hypothalamus section to function freely. When the hypothalamus was not free to function you couldn’t feel tired, thirsty and hungry. God knew that this feeling would disturb the reproductive and pleasure process. Ladies and gentlemen, sex is a wonderful phenomenon such that even nuns and fathers have often found themselves too infatuated by it enough to forget their Catholic vows of celibacy.

(c)Physical differences at a glance (Penis)

I am not as good at drawing as were the late Vincent Van Gogh,Publo Picasso and Leonardo Da Vinci. But I honestly feel you need to learn from a drawing how a real vagina and penis look like just in case you have been ‘‘saintly’’ enough to avoid seeing a vagina or penis for too long. I used to draw portraits for a living and though it’s been a while, I don’t think preaching the gospel has made me forget how to draw a real penis. I have used a HB, 2B, 3B pencil. For those of you who are artists, this should inspire you if not horrify you.

You see, if you want to teach anyone how to drive a car, you first have to show them the basic parts of a car. You start by saying, ‘‘that’s the steering wheel, gear, brake pedal and clutch.’’ And it always sounds foolish, to learn the basics. Students have the tendency of laughing at basics and yet when they get into the car to drive, they can’t even locate the brakes—the very thing you taught them while they were busy laughing. There is never a moment when I feel like slapping a student such as this. But there are people today who can’t even label their own private parts. These are the same people who made noise and wouldn’t pay attention during elementary schooling, making airplanes out of papers while we learned keenly. This kind of people, do not know their own anatomy and worse still, they obviously can’t label the opposite gender’s anatomy.

How do you give your spouse some good lovemaking when you can’t even locate the clitoris? Okay, I am teaching you how to ride and the first thing about it is you have to understand yourself and your partner. On the previous page, there is a picture of a penis. There is the shaft, foreskin and blah blah. Some people feel that their shaft is too small and they want it bigger. Well, read on, perhaps you will learn later as to what to do with a smaller shaft. Foreskin is next. Some people don’t have their foreskin anymore. The advantages are, it’s cleaner to circumcise and people without foreskin are less vulnerable to infections. Circumcised or not, you can still have great sex. I hope you are seeing the glands though they are covered. Then there’s that lower part— very sensitive indeed. That’s the head quarters or the balls. If you are fighting with anyone male enough to have a bag with two ‘‘eggs’’, and you give him a thorough kick on the balls, the war is over. There will be no need for any further blows. But the problem with handling testicles is that they look simple but they need optimal care. If you take a very hot bath or shower you can affect sperm count and fail to breed that night. Wearing tight under wears is also not good for them. It can be cancerous. They were made to hang. You can tell just by looking, that God almighty designed them to hang. ‘‘Balls’’ need to be cooler than the rest of the body. A man knows he’s got designer balls if they can hang nicely down there. Balls are balls, perfect for any lover of nature. Men have done nose surgery, face surgery but hardly balls surgery and I think its because balls are the one thing that most humans have no alacrity to criticize God on. Now, that’s one hell of a design. The penis is simply the main switch. Pleasuring a guy’s penis opens his heart. He becomes more loving and caring.

You don’t have to warn any guy to avoid pressing them balls hard. God knows that balls are needed for reproductions and that there are important replication documents in them. So he made them to feel very painful when disturbed, so that, whoever offends them will be sorry. God is smart guys. Instead of him saying don’t press your balls hard every time, he knows that human-beings won’t listen and will keep on doing that anyway. So he just makes them very painful so that those who disobey will be sorry.

(d)Physical differences at a glance (vagina)

Guys, below is a portrait of the vagina. Ladies, don’t take this lightly. Take notice of the vaginal masterpiece and the labeling. Some women have actually failed to label this properly at elementary school. We have got the clitoris down there, There is also the labia monora, and majora.That should probably mean minor and major. Never mind the scientific jargon. I think this is what they call ‘‘ditlopi’’,in my country. There is the vestitube and the vagina, probably the most famous here. Then there is the urethra. The vagina is just a canal with flesh that is similar in structure to the texture of the walls of the mouth, and that should be why some people fancy blow-jobs. My wife is a nurse and she did anatomy in bit of detail. She says that lining inside the mouth and the vagina is called ‘‘micosa.’’ Some people pull the lips of the vagina to make them longer claiming it produces more pleasure for men, some cut out the clitoris. Because of such actions we have got women today, especially in Africa and India, who can’t even reach climax because their parts were mutilated. In Kenya sex workers are reported to be not able to enjoy sex because of mutilation during childhood. This mutilation of Kenyan women I hear is giving Ugandan sex workers leverage in sex market coz men prefer them. But the whole mutilation thing is pretty much based on traditional practices featuring a bit of ignorance. God wasn’t kidding when he made these things the way they are. So when some grandmother, who doesn’t know how to spell biology, starts instructing you to do things that your government hasn’t put on the school syllabus, be careful. You might live to regret it all your life. During Timothy’s time I guess there were women who taught sexual myths and health tips around exercising ... I have no idea what they taught, but Paul said to timothy, ‘‘reject profane and old wives’ fables, and exercise yourself toward godliness’’,(1 Timothy 4:7).You see, old wives have the tendency of teaching things more in the way they see them than the way they are. Her husband liked longer vaginal lips, now she pulling the lips of her children’s vagina in a bid to make the pussy pleasurable. Who says long is pleasurable? How does she know whether that child’s prospective partner will like that? Maybe he will want moderate lips so he can see the rest of the vagina. They are basing their practices on previous fantasies and fables, which they think are applicable to everyone —uniformed practices that can harm nature. So Paul says to Timothy, ‘‘ reject profane and old wives’ fables, and exercise yourself toward godliness’’, (1 Timothy 4:7). Be careful what you pick from these old wives! Why don’t we leave things just the way God made them? What’s all this pulling around of vaginal lips? There is something wrong with this idea of fiddling with nature, trying to make breasts bigger and penises longer. Some girls put stuff into the vagina hoping it will make the vagina juicier or tighter. They put dangerous stuff in there. In my website am availing a scientific spray for vagina tightening. Not these home made concoctions. Why should women try to tighten their vaginas using strange powders and medicines that are not even medical? Don’t we have gynecologists? Check my website at www.ansonpublishing.com and then go to sex shop. You should find a vagina tightener made by professionals!

(e) A closer look at Physical differences (Penis)

The reason why you need to take a closer look at the penis is that it takes more than basic knowledge to make your guy and yourself reach climax. How do you use a spoon when you don’t know it well in terms of structure and utility? Is there a utensil that you can ever use properly without knowing its anatomy and function?:—I guess not. Brothers and sisters pay careful attention to the organ picture below. There is that tip of the penis, which is very sensitive, I think is called the ‘‘corona’’ Sounds like ‘‘corolla’’, right? Yeah, that’s where the joyride comes from. Then there is that sponge like tissue, which is labeled penis. Blood flows into those tissues and they become erect. So ladies, you need to do a little bit of work to turn on your big kahuna. But don’t worry, that rubber like thing will be firm in no time if your bull is a true one. If he’s got erection problems...that’s a different story altogether. We will talk about it sometime later. Now, take a look at the scrotum and epididymis . There is that vas deferens ‘‘tube like ’’ thing. I think sperms travel in that tube. Look at the distance, now that’s some ‘‘kilometers’’ right there... So when this guy says ‘‘I am coming’’, you know exactly where he is coming from. He’s got seedlings from the nursery and he is going all the way to the main garden to plant them. By the time he’s by the penis tip with those seeds he will be screaming names and telling you all kinds of things. But take another look, there’ are those seminal vesicles. That’s where the semen comes from right? Then, what takes him so long to come when the nursery is so near? Oh, messages have to be sent to the brain that the sex is brilliant, then the brain will instruct the release of semen, right?

But when the delivery man is too slow to receive and deliver the messages, eish, it takes long to come, and that’s where the woman gets tired of waiting for his arrival. Guys don’t take too long. It makes the whole thing boring. It makes sex to be a project instead of an escapade. Yes there’s the bladder and if he starts sexing with the bladder full of urine he is going to have a problem coming early. Anyway that’s for later. Okay take a look at the tip of the penis. Look at how it’s shaped. Why is it shaped that way? Okay it’s not yet time for this coz it’s for later but let me give you a clue:The penis has a shape, which makes it easy to touch the top part of the vagina. It’s designed such that as the man goes in and out he touches a spot which provokes the female climax. Most men don’t know this, and they come and make their spouses to come by happenstance. There’s nothing more unfortunate in the bedroom than people who just come by coincidence. Later on I am going to show you how to come and how to make your partner come, but wait, I have to teach you the first step. That’s going to be one step at a time,“Precept upon precept, precept upon precept, Line upon line, line upon line, Here a little, there a little,” (Isaiah 28:13).These things are not to be rushed.

(f)A closer look at Physical differences (Vagina)

A closer look at the vagina also reveals something interesting. You better pay serious attention coz you won’t learn this in church. In fact, should they hear you, they would cast the demon out of you for saying ‘‘vagina.’’ You would have to say something like ‘‘womanhood’’ and say it discreetly so that you are not heard by holy people. And the irony of it is that often the very people who don’t want to hear the word vagina are the ones sexing people behind the scenes and committing all kinds of sordid acts. Yah, you didn’t know it?:—think again.

Anyway, lets go on. You got the vagina picture down there, I don’t want to say the reproductive system. Let just say ‘‘vagina’’ or ‘‘pussy’’ if that’s fine with you or whatever.... But know that God will never judge you for labeling an organ the way you want. So, I have just drawn and labeled the vagina and its neighbors on the previous page. Next time you want to do a book, and need illustrations, just try me out. Am not that bad...or am I?I help people publish books for almost nothing. If you’re interested Visit www.ansonpublishing.com go to services, fill the-form below and we’ll take it from there. I want you to focus on the clitoris and the pipe like entry, which is actually the vagina. Do you see where the penis goes in? At the end of that tunnel, there is that cervix part. If a guy has a dick long enough to touch that cervix part it is going to hurt. And the pain is unbearable. So while you go about trying to increase penile size just remember, that’s a no-go-area. And by the way, if the penis is longer than needed there’s no way of reducing it. I never heard of penis reducing medicine. Increasing the penis is like walking through a rail-way tunnel. If the train doesn’t come while you are in that tunnel, then you are simply fortunate. If it does, you are finished. If you increase the penis to a ‘‘right’’ length then we can say ‘‘well done kid.’’ But if it’s the wrong size, you will have to live with consequences of trying to teach God how to make the right penis length. So it’s a ‘‘do it at your own risk’’, coz whatever bad thing happens, you have yourself to blame. Not even the devil will be held responsible for you doing your thing and having your errors.

At the entrance is the vestibular gland. That’s for lubricating the vagina. It’s at the door. I mean the greater vastibular gland. Take a look at it. It lubricates the entrance. So when you put it in and its painful, don’t think it shows that you are the man. You are just hurting Eve, big time. You are breaking them traffic laws. That’s a stop sign brother, you are suppose to fondle until the gland releases the fluid and then once the fluid is there and the lips of the vagina have been puffed up, you enter.

We are almost at the end of the chapter, but let me tell you something that I might not have the writing space to say when we go ahead. Men love to be respected and sexed and women love relationships. Men are projectors and women are receptors. Men look at things in general and in summery, women love attention to detail. Yes, women and man are not same. But vaginas and penises are reciprocal. Every man’s penis has to have testicles and a shaft and every woman’s vagina ought to have the vestibular glands and labia majora or manora.There is nothing like this lady’s sex is nicer than that one. It is you the man, who imagines that woman is nicer than that one. And it feels like that because the mind is conditioned that way. This reminds me of Pavlov, Ivan (Petrovich) (1849–1936), a Russian physiologist. He is best known for his studies on the conditioned reflex. He demonstrated through a dog that salivates at the ring of a bell the concept of mental conditioning. God never gave some people nicer vaginas than others. That would simply be unfair. Yes,there are bigger vaginas, smaller vaginas, but ‘‘nicer’’ is rather subjective to mental perception and conditioning. There are men who just don’t know how to have satisfying sex and then they conclude that it’s because of the other person. They pass on the blame. Perhaps this other person mourns in way that they like and they think eish, this one’s sex is juicier. There is nothing like that. Not when it comes to sex, and as a man if you are good at doing it, with your partner, it should be nice, no matter who your partner is. You might say you prefer fat women, but remember that fat is just fat. If you are dating a fat woman she might just lose weight and become thin. Are you going to leave her and look for someone fat? If you like thin girls and your slim girl gains weight, are you going to be up and about looking for a slim girl?

Don’t be in love with weight. Weight is just weight. And I am not saying that you should not pick a girl with big bums and curves if that’s what you like, but I am saying don’t let your love for someone be just based on the size of a bum. She might get stress and lose that bum. Then there are race issues. Some women, especially in Africa and China believe in getting married to white men. Some white women in Europe believe that men in Africa sex better.Word has it that some guys in Africa believe that if you ever sex an Indian, American or French woman you will forget the day you were born. Those things are just mental perceptions. And such have promoted sex tourism. There is nothing like that. How is a man or a woman going to go around test-driving women of all the races to verify myths that were born out of pure ignorance? It is just a mindset. If you believe girls in Russia are the best, its going to be that way to you. And yes if you believe Russian girls are the best then get yourself a Russian girl and settle.

You should get what you want, settle and enjoy it. There is no way you are going to eat everything in the restaurant’s menu and not have problems. Even rich guys choose what they want to eat. I have met and known racists who believed that falling in love with black chicks is degrading because they lowly rate them as unclean ‘‘kaffirs.’’ Generalization is hardly true. But that aside, mentality is king. ‘‘I know and am convinced by the Lord Jesus that there is nothing unclean of itself; but to him who considers anything to be unclean, to him it is unclean’’,(Romans 14:14). I just love that verse coz it shows us that it’s all about our minds.

Now, let me talk to ladies who pick a guy simply because he’s got money. While most men hate the thought of that, there is nothing wrong with a lady choosing someone because he’s got this or that. Ladies love to be provided for and will always love a guy who seems to have it all figured out—especially when it comes to money. It’s natural, I mean, who would want to marry a fool who can’t provide? But let me warn you ladies not to be imprudent in your search for a provider. Be careful not to miss out on a guy with potential simply because there’s a rich dude driving a Cadillac in front of you. You can’t afford to be that cheap. If love is what you want, don’t just open your thighs because a guy has got money. Remember, ‘‘ the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows’’,(1 Timothy 6:10).And if you are a Christian, and you turn in self-defeating style and make money your God, don’t forget that ‘‘ Their sorrows shall be multiplied who hasten after another god’’,(Psalms 15:4).

Then there are guys who think ladies love mating like a breeding bull, and go up and about just learning how to sex better. These kinds of guys have got the wrong mentality. Women love sex, but they love to be loved and cared for more than just being sexed. It’s scientifically proven that men and women both love sex but men give it first priority. A woman may love sex, but that’s not her number 1 priority. Most women have left guys who could have sex like monsters, they had big chests, and 6 pacs and they left them for teddy bears that proved to be able to love them and care for them. Same for men, some have left women who knew how to do laundry, iron the clothes and cook like Colonel Saunders. Men want sex and it’s their number 1 priority. That’s why he keeps calling you to be with him when you are caught up in house chores. Do you want to love him the way he wants to be loved or the way you think you should love him? If you keep on doing that, you will understand the hard way why some men have left wives of virtue for bitches. Bitches gave them sex and that’s what they wanted, and if you don’t like the sound of that, then suit yourself. Same to you men, if you are up and about jobless and investing in knowing how to sex, buying books on karma sutra and tantric sex to pleasure her, there is a high chance you will not be able to keep a woman. You see, women want a guy that can afford to provide for them and love, protect, cherish, care and of course sex them. But sex to them is just one of them sex things. A woman can stay many weeks, months or years without sex and still feel fine, but she suffers badly if she has to stay a week without love, more specifically affection. To buy a lady something at Wal-Mart calls for money, not a long penis or better sex. The teller in any shop will never measure the length of one’s penis to give them goods in exchange for penile length or a mind bursting sex life. Yes it’s good to have great sex or even a great hood. I love sex, and I am not going to deny that and pretend just because I am a preacher. But don’t be too obsessed with sex and think women are. That’s so wrong dude. If you are a guy, take a look at those diagrams again. I want you to know that all women have a reproductive system like that one on the diagram. Don’t go chasing butterflies, just get one lady and spoil yourself. If you are a lady, you heard me... every man has a penis but what matters profoundly is which one of them loves you dearly. If you are careless about sex simply because your seductive power drives you nuts, Madam it won’t be long till guys treat you like a used chewing gum. Think about that and till then, take care...

2 The sex quadrant

What is so important about sex that makes a preacher like me to write a book about it? Oh okay, let me answer that. Now, who is first? I will start with women. Ladies first, right? Sex helps women relief stress especially after a boring day at work. Sex can humiliate a headache and refresh a fatigued woman—it’s a refreshment of some sort. Women who sex their husbands have a better chance of patronizing them hence winning their favor because men love sex and will treat tenderly women who care enough about them to treat them to cookie pleasure. In India, sex is respected for procreation. It helps women bond with their men at a level that nothing else can come to. It helps to put female lovers on the spotlight such that they feel attractive and confident. Women who ignore sex long enough can suffer vaginal atrophy—simply defined as a ‘‘waste away, typically due to the degeneration of cells.’’ Ladies, don’t waste this thing. Once you lose control over sex you’re losing control over your man. Sex to a man is like candy to a kid or milk to a cat, it keeps his mood jovial. Men who enjoy sex are happier than men who don’t. Men with poor sex lives can often be moody and grumpy and easily irritable. Lack of desire for sex on the part of women causes depression in men, and the bulk of them, nag, lust, visit prostitutes and do side-chicks. After all, not all men are Christians and not all Christians are strong enough to stand sexual denial. And he is not going to tell you he did a call girl or one night stand. You will be there playing forbidden and he will just watch you and bother you less. It’s like a kid,when a kid is too quite,there is something happening during that span of silence. If you check you will find the kid muddy,playing with soap mixed with oil and doing all sorts of destructive things. When your man becomes quiet and doesn’t bother you no more, get bothered! He’s probably taken his bother to the next camp. A lot of men simply don’t understand how loved they are unless it’s communicated through sex. It’s a language men speak. Besides, sex is a calorie burner that is way better than the treadmill coz you can burn close to 200 calories in a one hour sex session .It hydrates skin,improves it and strengthens nails thus helping your gal to have durable manicures. It’s cardio exercising, activates thigh muscles and improves your hair by making it shine. A study done in Queen’s University shows that sex somehow extends the lifespan of its beneficiaries. It improves the sense of smell through the production of prolactin. It reduces your chances of heart diseases. It alleviates pain through oxytocin and somehow prevents the pain of arthritis, and migraine aches. Yes, you have been saying it jokingly, but you are right, sex does discourage flu and colds by increasing levels of an antibody called immunoglobin. Sex deters prostate cancer from boasting about conquering you and balances your hormones. Dentists agree that sperms have in them a reasonable amount of zinc, calcium and other dental elements that help produce healthy teeth as your body absorbs his sperms. I am just saying ladies. Not that I am trying to get you to swallow his sperms.No.Haaaahaaa.I am just saying.Sex is good medicine. That’s a whole pharmacy between one’s legs. I wish all women and men knew this.Next time you struggle to get some sleep,don’t take expensive tranquilizers,save money, have sex and you will sleep like a baby. Good sex a week, keeps the doctor away. I really get tired of praying for people whose solution is just a shag away. I want to pray for real issues and concerns.

Since sex is so important, I am going to say the same thing in few ways before I start teaching you the sex quadrant. I have always hated formal school for being so formal and rigid that some clever people had to be dropouts to succeed at life. Our world is led by dropouts who could not wait another moment to quit school and start living. Brad Pitt dropped out of the University of Missouri instead of waiting two more weeks for graduation. Oprah dropped out of Tennessee State University. Talk about Jim Carrey and Lady Gaga. Those are dropouts. Tom Hanks, Abraham Lincoln, Walt Disney, John Lennon and John Mackey are some the world’s famous dropouts. They are just like Tupac Shakor, Lil Wayne, Eminem and them. Funny enough, our schoolbooks are loaded with lessons from people who rejected or were rejected by the educational system. We study windows, apple OS manuals and stuff. But that stuff comes from drop puts. Ironic isn’t it?

Formal school can teach you about the force of gravity but not sex, and how to do it graciously unless you are studying sex therapy . They can teach you how to write a formal letter of employment or curriculum vitae but how many schools teach one how to write a company profile? We are learning how to deal with organizational rivalry but our own enemies are messing us up. Then there’s this guy who holds a bachelor’s degree in Business Admin, and the same guy runs someone’s company better than his own life. Why is it like that? I think we hardly think we can apply the things we learn at school on ourselves because we were taught to think within the perimeters of employment. But today, that should end. I will teach you sex stuff using the very things you learned at school. In the bedroom, if ever you need to turn your lover on, you are simply trying to create a demand so that you can supply. That’s basic economics and the very thing you learned about supply and demand. Your lover is an asset, and you have the liability to put this asset to full use but there are going to be some operating expenses. That’s accounts. You see, a person is like a system and there is no way any system will run without ignition and preparing for that system to operate, especially when it comes to sex. That’s engineering. But in business school we learned something that might change your bedroom life forever.

Around 1953,Neil Borden, of the American Marketing association brought about new knowledge for marketers by introducing the 4p’s of marketing (Product, Price, Place and promotion). In 1990’s Lauterborn converted the 4ps to four Cs (consumer, cost, communication, convenience) citing the need to be more customer orientated. But to me the difference between these four P’s and C’s was nothing more than playing around with acronyms because the meaning is quiet similar. Product is comparable to commodity, Price is basically cost and promotion and communication go together while place is a matter of convenience. If you are not into marketing, not only are you bored by me saying this, you also don’t understand it. But please hang on, for just a bit.

If you’ve ever learned marketing you might have come across something called the market mix. I call it the ‘‘marketing quadrant’’ because it’s made up of 4 things that constitute intelligent marketing. Quad means four. Just hang on. You will learn things that you never thought you needed to rock your bedroom life. Simply put, Marketing is exposing what you have for the consumer to enjoy. Marketing looks at this in four aspects, which I love to call the marketing quadrant, but is quite often referred to as the ‘‘market mix.’’ Basically, the marketing quadrant is a combination of four factors that can be controlled by a company to influence consumers to purchase its products and these are namely: product, place, promotion and price. What kind of product in terms of shape, size, color, texture and other features determines your market’s response? Which place are you selling it and what are the means of promoting it? What about pricing? These four components determine the difference between epic performance and grey mediocrity in marketing. And that sounds very academic, right? Well its very sexy as well. Wait until I unfold it.